- Gender and Relationships»
Lovable Old Guys and Gals
Long Suffering Husbands
From a Man's Point of View
Look at the guy in the photo, then look at his wife and tell me who's in control. He's well fed, yes. He's well dressed, that too. But the poor guy probably spends too much time dreaming of a far away honeymoon.
The point is that guys can't help being the simple creatures they really are. They're kindly folk, hoping for acceptance and understanding from their much more civilized mates. Guys try to be graceful, but they bump into things. They say the wrong thing at parties because their minds are wandering. So what's the answer to their struggle to be acceptable to their better halves?
One thing that works like a charm is spending money on the right thing. For example, a nice hotel room on vacation, instead of the run of the mill places we usually pick. But in the long run, the only practical approach to take is being good to our wives every day, and waiting until they show their love and approval.
Marriage is the most profound form of friendship. It involves two people helping each other out constantly. This really is companionship at its best. Men should be at least 60 before they are allowed to marry, otherwise they can't appreciate what they have. By that age, husbands can finally settle down and start to relax.
By contrast, our wives become mature, responsible people when they are about 12. Pathetically, husbands almost never reach this level of stability, regardless of how old they may be. A younger husband has to have three square meals a day. But his wife often seems to be on a diet, because she's eating sensibly. Men don't know when to quit. They are fanatics compared to their wives.
We love our wives and can't live without them. Marriage and families are what life's all about for many men, but marriage is tough on guys. Wives aren't long-suffering. They're happy go lucky compared to men. Husbands are thankful that they're tough and can withstand the trials of life.
It is one of the great mysteries of life that humans will bond together as married couples for life. Other species will mate for life as well, but it seems rare. In all marriages that last, there is a mutual respect that has to exist. One spouse has to forgive and forget the failings to which the other spouse seems prone. Understanding and patience is at work constantly in the best marriages.
It is an accomplishment to last 50 years or more in a marriage. It takes endurance and the acceptance of the fact that nothing, even marriage, is perfect all the time. In the end, spouses become each other's best friends. There will come a time when physical love will become less important to one or the other spouse, sometimes both spouses. Spending time together and doing things that both of you love to do, seem to be the secrets of holding a marriage together through the decades.
Sometimes couples come to the realization that both of them have to give up certain habits and other things that they brought into the relationship. Items of furniture, for example, that are left over from the single days, or a former marriage, may have to be abandoned.
When rough times arise in a marriage and mistakes are made leading to arguments, it's best to stop and talk things over. Like national leaders negotiating pact for the sake of peace, the couple often will arrive at a point on which they both agree. They have to shake on it and give their words of honor to avoid certain topics or activities that can lead to discord. Casting blame upon the other spouse for financial problems is a very common example of something that has to be avoided, or else it could lead to a bad argument.
Another issue pertains to the context in which a serious discussion of sensitive issues should take place. Perhaps late at night when people are tired and want to sleep is an example of a good time to avoid the sensitive issues that could spark an argument. Another good time would be when people sit down to eat a meal, because then there's the danger of not only the heated argument, but also the indigestion to follow later on.
Many longtime relationships are held together by the simple principle of "respect." With this comes kindness and forgiveness. These elements can make the relationship endure. But most important is to realize that there will be arguments from time to time. It's part of the game of life.
Lastly, marriage is physical intimacy on one level or the other. It doesn't have to reach the level of passion at all stages of the marriage. It can be as simple as sitting next to each other or holding hands when walking together. This seems insignificant, but the physical side of relationships is very important because it's connected to human emotions.
Married couples are amazed sometimes at the fact that they are happily married, and yet don't really share that many things in common. In that sense, opposites really do attract. Long live the difference between husband and wife. Vive la differance.
As an ultra-modern and very radical solution to increased divorce rates, some people are suggesting legitimate, legalized "short-term" marriages. For example, a marriage license could be issued for only a one-year duration, similar to an apartment lease. It would be a valid contract under the law. Proposals along these lines have been made seriously in some countries including India, Mexico, and various Islamic nations.
If one year sounds too callous and brief, then a two-year contract might be considered. The catch is that the proposed contract isn't as cold and unfeeling as it seems, because built into it is a clause that allows the option to continue the marriage as long as both spouses like it. In this regard, the new proposal puts an end to a marriage automatically when one or both spouses dislike the marriage by the end of the contract period. It's like a "reverse" divorce.
To settle matters further, the new type of marriage contract would anticipate the dissolution of the marriage at the end of the contract period, and provide for all the usual dispute issues up front so that a messy divorce proceeding can be avoided. The couple would come to an agreement to facilitate distribution of property and custody of children.
While fidelity is considered usually a permanent loyalty oath, the short-term approach puts a cap on it, limiting it to a certain period of time only. This is why short-term marriages are unpopular with most people. They consider it the same as prostitution. Also, it goes against established religious notions of all major faiths. It also encourages division within a family at a crucial time when children are going through their formative early years of life.
One big factor for women in entering into marriage is a guaranty of some stability. A short-term approach makes this an impossibility. The idea of short-term marriage appears to appease the male sex drive more than anything else. It's doubtful that it will catch on. Therefore, sticking with the rules of avoiding arguments, being willing to forgive and forget, and remaining habitually intimate if only on a superficial level still are good practices to keep up in order to make a marriage last. A lasting marriage is admired the world over.