- Gender and Relationships»
"Marriage" sings the song of lifelong imprisonment where husbands exercise their monopolistic supervision upon wives
Man is a social being. He cannot live alone. Therefore, he wants companions to live on earth. This type of doctrine has great contributions to the developed thoughts of human civilization. In spite of having all necessities of being together with or finding companions to quench certain thirsts in society, the instinctive isolation of human being cannot be ignored. At the time of getting out from the mother’s womb, nobody accompanies a baby, on the other hand, during the ceremony of burial after death he is accompanied by none and the period between birth and death he acts with his companions as one accompanied by their. Really, this role is to be acted by each one existing on earth.
The civilizing stream of human thoughts has been being moved to human extreme civilization since the ancient time. This stream has brought the cave-living ancient people to polished world by making a gradual change in their lives in course of time. This civilizing strategy involves several rules and regulations as social norms. Family making is one of them. Making family has become the conventional process to make people live in peace and happiness in general. This stage of human civilization introduces marriage system is the gateway to enter into family- making part of human being. Marriage is nothing but the legal initiative of physical intercourse between couple to maintain the reproductive stream of humankind.
It is true that marriage ensures the peaceful family having children and wife, maintains the legal reproductive flow of generations religiously and morally but at the same time in men-administered traditions of family maintenance, it silently and definitely restricts the freedom of both husband and wife.
Husbands’ Lack of Freedom
Monotonous financial responsibilities
From the very beginning of family making idea husbands have been being introduced to the society as the main persons who have the total responsibilities on their families. Men-administered system of family maintenance has become the main religion of it. In such a system, it is seen that when a man gets marriage he enters into an unavoidable certain territory of responsibilities. His earning and living practices in general start to be regulated by uncertain pressure of family demands. Normally wives are of high ambitions in spending money. Their high ambitions always go beyond the capabilities of their husbands. Another uncertain pressure of family demands comes through the birth of children. They impose several terms of expenditure over their family. The modern world is very competitive and expensive in making children educated and established in certain age. In this field of competition sometimes, children become the instruments of their parents to show their money spending ability towards the people. This type of competitive expenditure creates another pain on the financial incapability of husbands. In such a way from the first day of getting marriage, a husband suffers from several monotonous financial liabilities till the death of him if he is deprived of making productive children. In fact, in a certain stage of life husbands look upon wives and children nearly as financial liabilities which they would like to avoid.
Other Responsibilities upon the Family
In husband-administered family wife is only for household activities. After sound financial life, wife demands sound and happy mental life from her husband here. This type of wife’s mental happiness is some total of husband’s other responsibilities upon her. This sentence includes thousands of liabilities that husbands are bound to follow to keep their wives happy. To fulfill the financial demands husbands are to be involved with several professions for earnings that demand more punctuality, sincerity and deep mental attachment with their respective duties. In spite of restless labor for financial solvency, husbands have to find mandatory scopes to share their wives and children due to making them mentally satisfied by keeping themselves together with them. Otherwise husband feel fear of losing their wives’ devotion to them. This is another kind of stress over husband’s life and it imposes restraints in living freely. This continuous flow of responsibilities for looking after wife and children kills husband’s freedom of self-indulgence definitely.
Restricted Discipline of Humanity
A man who has a family to maintain will generally take no risks of doing charitable undertakings. He shows his whole affection and generosity upon the family in general. He treats the family as unmarried man who treat the public. He has to devote himself chiefly to future welfare because his children will grow up and live in future. Children and wife develop the softer feelings of him towards them. Therefore, he gets no opportunities for the exercise of his feelings of tenderness and affection for charitable activities to the public. Basically wife and children are obstacles in the way of man’s undertaking big tasks are of the novel kind so that that would endanger his family’s peace and security. The married man is to be bound to value his family above everything else. In fact, the fertilization of partial humanism, development of family oriented sympathy, tenderness and affection kill a man’s freedom and strong desire of doing charitable tasks for whole humanity.
Wives’ Lack of Freedom
Husband’s supremacy has become the family-religion
Dependence of woman upon man is a problem-started form the very beginning of self-revelation of humankind. It is not man-created something basically, it is partial look of nature upon woman. In spite of having deep sympathy over woman-community, none of us can prove the capability of woman by using which she takes tough undertakings as easily as man does for the welfare of society. As a result, she has to take the support of man to live better in society. This support gives birth to monopolistic supervision in man’s mind upon woman introducing her independence. Family is not out of this traditional behavior of man.
In family, a wife represents herself as in need of husband’s supports for better life and in this stage husband starts to exercise his paramount supremacy upon her. Day after day from the time of getting marriage, husband’s monopolistic supervision upon wife grows upward. This obstinacy of husband’s behavior kills the freedom of wife definitely. Here she feels mental suppression of self- inferiority. Wife can never exercise her personal desire to be fulfilled. She can do nothing without her husband’s permission. If she tries to do something without knocking her husband, the family peace feels fear of being ruined. An invisible interference by husband is always felt by wife in the state of maintaining association and moving freely with others. She cannot accompany her friends being driven easily by her personal choice. Here another type of wife’s freedom is to be interrupted.
Family traditions may harm wife’s freedom
Maximum families follow their traditional customs in keeping wives for their young men. There are so many customs in family traditions that are against wives freedom (e.g. some families do not allow their wives to get out of the families for doing other jobs). Religious strictness may also cause harm wives freedom. The family, which is religiously conservative, hangs invisible religious rim or barrier round the wives’ freedom. In this strictness, nothing can be found as personal of wives. Everything is for the sake of traditions here. Over exercise of traditional and social customs in family life is not less harmful than that of religious strictness. It does not allow wives to do anything for the implementation of their thoughts and desires. In such a crisis a wife can neither get sufficient support from the family nor get permission to do something better for her self-dependence. Thus, the wife’s freedom laments silently in family-prison.
Francis Bacon said, “For a young man a wife is a mistress. For a middle-aged man, she is a companion. For an old man, she serves as a nurse.” All these utterances show the necessity of keeping wife at every stage of human life. However, in families where husbands exercise their monopolistic supervision upon wives, the urgency of keeping wives honorable is ignored. In such a way, the husband administered family starts a partial conjugal life ignoring wife’s freedom. As a result, marriage becomes the gateway of lifelong imprisonment and family becomes the prison. In this way, marriage loses its positive flavor.
For this reason, there is a question from an ancient Greek Philosopher, Thales, in reply to the question when a man should marry: “A young man not yet, an elder man not at all.” Because, Young men are always want to dominate their wives and elder men try to avoid them. Killing wife’s freedom is killing husband’s freedom by himself. The tendency of imprisoning wife’s freedom into family prison increases husband’s responsibilities also that makes him imprison into monotonous duties for looking after his wife and children. To make marriage, conjugal life, family responsibilities and wife and children enjoyable, in family, the freedom of both husband and wife must be determined both of them should be equally sensible of family responsibilities. The men administered family traditions should be punitive and the family should have no social and religious strictness that go against both the freedom of wife and husband. In such a way, family would be the get way of enjoyable world and marriage would be the key of that world.