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Married Couples, How to Talk About Lack of Intimacy
© 2012 Katina Davenport
Sex within the covenant of marriage is an expected blessing. It is the ultimate height of the marital relationship. On average a married couple has sex a little more than once a week, which adds up to 58 times per year.  Once or twice a week seems like a low number, but for some couples this is their norm. Frequency and normalcy depend on prior agreements between the couple. What works for one couple will not work for the other.
What happens when there is a noticeable, consistent lack of intimacy in a marriage? Can you call it sexless? Classifying a marriage as sexless is debatable. A sexless marriage could consist of no sex for a number of months due to illness, emotional distress in the marriage, or having an asexual partner. It could also be a result of a permanent, physical injury. If a married couple finds their intimate life dwindling down, and both are healthy, then pinpointing the root cause will help revive what was dead. Sadly, a lot of couples are just not willing to communicate. Either they do not know how to communicate or one is blaming the other and talking is non-negotiable.
The sad reality of lack of intimacy is the temptation to cheat. Cheating is the immature approach. Although married couples know the repercussions of infidelity, still it is estimated that 30%-60% of married couples will encounter some sort of infidelity in their marriage.  Emotional or physical infidelity will only gratify the immediate need for attention with the risk of losing the marriage. Cheating never solves the lack of intimacy issue. That is why talking this problem out is so important.
Communicating the Lack of Sex
If there is a consistent lack of intimacy in a marriage here is an easy guideline for discussing this issue. Discuss physical and mental health. Being in good to excellent physical health can determine the body’s response to sexual signals. If both parties are in great health then begin a discussion on stress, then branch out to other questions about physical and emotional well-being. Ask and answer questions openly and honestly such as:
· What things are causing stress in your life i.e. your job, aging parents, business obligations?
· Is your spouse experiencing stress on the job? Does your spouse think he or she will be losing their job?
· Are you a stay-at-home mother? What kind of stress are you experiencing while at home? Do you need help with the children?
· If your wife had a baby recently, ask her about how she feels raising the baby. Is she overwhelmed? How is she feeling about the changes inside her body and her physical appearance?
· Are you worried about your financial situation? Are you losing your home? Do you have mounting bills?
These are just a few questions to consider. Although every situation is different, when each party communicates their reasons for not wanting sex, or wanting sex; each one can come up with a solution. If immediate solutions are not made, communicating the issue will unload the negative emotional feelings that come with the lack of sex.
How would you talk to your spouse about the lack of intimacy in your marriage?