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Marrying Someone From A Different State

Updated on November 26, 2015

Marriage and Family

Good Morning Readers,

It is the wee hours of the night and I can not sleep (Well it was when I was halfway finished with this). My brain is up and on overload so I figured I would come and talk to you guys about something that is on my mind.

I wonder what your marriage stories are like? How did you and your spouse meet? My husband and I met... take a guess! On the internet. The internet is everything these days right? I am so sure that I am not the only one. BUT, I did not meet him on a dating site (Not that there's anything wrong with them!). We met on a social media page called "Tagged". Who remembers that one? Better yet, who still uses it? Anywho, I was browsing one day and came across his page. I proceeding to send him a message just to say that I enjoyed his page because his interests were similar to mine. He loved music, football, appeared to be strong in his faith, and had some pretty decent encouraging quotes.

Now, I had just moved to Maryland and was living there for only a few months. So of course, I was trying to meet new people and discover new things. After messaging him, he replied with a thank you and some continued conversation. He seemed like a nice person so we conversed pretty often. It was strictly platonic. I had also met some other people from Maryland on the site as well, both men and women alike. As I stated in my " About Me" section of my profile, I LOVE to talk! I especially love to meet new people who can converse with me about things that I don't know or about super fun things they did or places they went that I could never imagine going.

At this rate, I had so many "friends" I could barely keep up. Of course some how, after getting to know them I found myself on quite a few dates with men. Most of these guys weren't looking for friendships so my "friend list" dwindled down rather quickly. I was not in search of a guy after just moving to a new state. I simply wanted to develop a social life. I cut that game off quick! But there was one... He invited me to his church. That was a first. I enjoyed the church service. The Pastor and the people were so welcoming. The guy who invited me played the organ. After service we took a walk to a nearby store so we could talk a little. I had never met such a shy guy before! I don't think he looked at me once. He talked a lot but made sure to keep his eyes wandering on anything and everything but me.

From there, I had made sure to tell him I was not looking for any thing more than a friendship. He did not like that. I guess he saw something in me that made him want more. So, I did what I thought was best and I stopped talking to him. Somehow we began to talk again. I haven't a clue as to how. We ended up on a date and the rest is history. He won my heart. His church became my church. Two years later he proposed. Six months later we married and went to Vegas on an extraordinary honeymoon. A year after that we were expecting our first little baby. He was a boy and anyone who knows me, knows I am extremely proud of that detail! I always wanted to have all boys.

So, what a story right? Adorable fairy tale ending. True, but was it really? How did I really feel about all of this???

To find a man who loved me the way my husband did was very rare. There was never a doubt in my mind about his love for me. But let's recap, when I met him I had just moved to Maryland. I am from a town in Pennsylvania about 4 hours away. Home is where my mother and siblings are. My whole family is there. MY church is there. I lived there all of my life. But here I am, in Maryland with not a single relative. Alone. Granted, I came and created my own little family that I adore and wouldn't trade for the world. My favorite title in life is "Mom". If I had the means to just create life up until I'm too old to create anymore, I would so do it.

At one point I got home sick. I was only seeing my family a few times a year. That was not okay for me. A part of me said forget marriage I need to go home! I was willing to give it up. I was missing all of the family gatherings, the holidays, the babies being born. I wanted to go back home forever. I had to do some serious praying if I wanted to stay married. And deep down, I did.

Has anyone else ever went through something like that?

Every night before I put my son to bed we say our prayers together. One night I cried so hard during our prayers my poor baby thought I was laughing so he joined in. He certainly gave me the cheer I needed because I couldn't help but to start laughing too.

Overall after months of praying and hoping I finally figured out what I needed to do. I had to arrange things so that I could visit home more often and was even able to convince my family to come to see me more often as well. I was able to sit down with my husband and explain to him my needs and he was very understanding. That gave me the encouragement I needed to stay in my marriage and remember that I entered into this union until "death do us part" and being homesick was no where near death. I remembered that I had something special with my husband. Now days its hard to find someone who is willing to love you and only you. I've seen plenty of relationships where one party is on cloud 9 and the other is on cloud 3. I've seen women who are as happy as can be not even realizing her husband is shared. I've seen many instances where men are giving their all in the marriage only to get only half of that in return. As a woman, we're never going to be satisfied, but when we get close to satisfaction its best to accept!

Throughout this experience I learned to focus on the things that I've been blessed with instead of wasting precious time longing for the things that I don't have. I've coached myself to remember that God gives us the desires of our hearts after being able to prove we can be good stewards over what we have.

I am so much happier now. Marriage keeps getting better and better. We now have another little one on the way and guess what? Its a BOY!!! Whoop whoop! I still have my desires but I don't fret about them anymore. My heart tells me that before I leave this earth, I will get to have those things. Until then, I'm learning how to be content with what I have and where I am. (Philippians 4:11)

Here are just a few things to consider when marrying someone living in another state:

- How often will you get to go back home?

- Will you be able to agree on which holidays will be spent where?

- Is your decision going to directly effect someone back at home?

- Will jobs have you living separately?

-Are you willing to only see your family as "a vacation"?

- Do you plan to raise children away from your family?

- Are you still holding on to something that would make you reconsider the marriage otherwise?

I hope everyone enjoys their Thanksgiving!



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    • Sonyalynae profile imageAUTHOR

      Sonyalynae Matthews 

      3 years ago from Maryland

      I see how you could have got that. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. Yes, I'm pretty sure that when I moved to Maryland I was not certain that it would be perfect. I certainly did not think I would end up getting married here. Once I did marry, I think thats when the reality hit that I could not go back to Pennsylvania even if I wanted to. Thank God for the maturation that developed in time for me to stay strong in my marriage.

      Thanks for your comment!

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      3 years ago

      I initially thought based upon your title someone married another person who lived in a different state from their own. As in a bi-costal marriage.

      You both actually live in the same state!

      When I met my wife online I was living in Dana Point, CA and she lived in Chicago, IL. We had 2000 miles between us and several plane trips until I decided to relocate. After about a year of me living out here we got married.

      From what you've written it sounds as though you had not mentally considered your move to Maryland to be a permanent one or else you would not have considered your spouse to be living in "another state".

      Maybe on a subconscious level you imagined yourself moving back to your home state. Where as when I moved to California at age 21 I took to it like a fish to water! There was no homesickness and I never dreamed I would be moving back to the Midwest. California had become my home state!

      I imagine at some point you will feel as though Maryland is your "home" especially after your boys are in school and participating in local activities.


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