Tina Campbell: Forgives Husband for Multiple Infidelities
Trecina "Tina" Atkins-Campbell is 1/2 of the Urban Contemporary Gospel duo, Mary Mary (pictured below, on the left)
Tina was Hysterical after Discovering Her Husband's Infidelity
In a June 2013 interview, Tina Campbell disclosed to Ebony Magazine about infidelity within her marriage.
She detailed her feelings about “trying to stab her husband” and cutting him with words to make him feel inferior.
In a separate interview with CNikki, the WE TV reality star suddenly had a change of heart and took full responsibility for why her husband cheated on her multiple times.
Tina later said,
“I, Tina, assume full responsibility for the issues that I contributed to the relationship. I was controlling, talked too much. And you can never be heard over me because when I wanna talk I got the floor and ain’t nobody gonna get it from me until I give it up. Real talk. That was the way it was and I have to work on myself. You know what I mean?” Campbell explained. “I was selfish. When we started having children it’s like, I forget that I have a responsibility as a wife. And I’m questioning you like, ‘Really, what you want me to do? I gotta baby!’ Even though that’s sometimes what you’re faced with, that ain’t the right spirit to do it in. And what happens is, you’re going on and you’re busy and you’ve got children and you’ve got work. And what happens is your husband is last and you don’t realize that he’s last. And if he has a problem with being last you’re like, ’Well, what am I supposed to do? You know that I’ve got a career? You know that I’ve got these babies, you’re the one that got me pregnant!”
Earlier in the season, Tina's sister, Erica Campbell, also confessed on their TV show that she too dealt with infidelity issues within her marriage.
Erica then urged her sister to do what she did when faced with infidelity (e.g. combat feelings with faith), which did not change Tina's thought process about her situation at the time.
It is evident that religion is causing most of the duo's dilemmas, in terms of, finding a healthy balance between their households and their careers in ministry/music.
The video clip, below, further illustrates Tina's ambivalence about her faith as it relates to the infidelity in her marriage.
In the clip, Tina becomes very frustrated with the perception of her as a "saint" and simply wants to be "broken" for awhile.
However, that's a nearly unacceptable notion to religious Black folks as illustrated by Erica's robotic, bible thumping reaction to her sister's serious self-disclosure.
Tina Campbell: "I'm Angry"
Infidelity is Common
Infidelity Signs (Skip to 2:26)
Tina & Teddy's Children
Infidelity is a breach of a couple’s assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and/or sexual exclusivity.
This breach of contract strikes so deeply at the heart that it can render the agreement "irreparably broken" and defeat the purpose of making the contract in the first place.
Research shows that between 30 and 60% of married individuals in the U.S will cheat on their partner at some point in their marriage.
However, the breach of contract does not always end a marriage. In fact, more than 50 percent of marriages can survive after cheating is revealed.
Tina's marriage has survived infidelity due to her faith based values. As a Strong Black Woman of faith, Tina may unconsciously be doing what is expected of her by Black folks, which is a large portion of the duo's fan base.
She believes in the importance of forgiveness as an inner activity that helps release sorrow but she perhaps hadn't realized that forgiveness is difficult to understand and achieve.
You can't fast forward through forgiveness when people wrong you, especially when it's your husband and that father of your children.
It is like a photo album, in which, you never see the tears/pain depicted; however, it's the perseverance through the pain that truly gets you from one happy snapshot to the next.
Nevertheless, Tina shared with the world how she held onto her faith, forgave her husband, and moved forward with him.
Click here to go in-depth with Tina in the Jun/July issue of Sister 2 Sister. Or, check out the video clip below of Tina discussing the infidelity.
Tina Talking Infidelity
Tina Speaks on Mended Marriage
- Tina Campbell SPEAK On Mended Marriage: ‘All My Trust Has Come Back’ | CocoaFab
CocoaFab is your fast-paced celebrity news and style site covering urban pop culture just the way you like it.
Is Prayer Missing In Black Relationships?
Despite taking responsibility for her husband's unscrupulous actions, Tina ultimately responded to her husband's infidelity in a healthy way.
She considered restoration, and began to rebuild trust with her husband.
Also, there are some noteworthy strengths that Tina exhibited by forgiving her husband:
- She honored her vows (e.g. for better or worse/till death).
- She's resilient by repairing the relationship rather than replacing it.
- She has a generally loving nature toward her husband (on camera) despite the indiscretions.
- She is a problem solver with leadership skills by seeking counseling.
- She is exercising patience by persevering through the pain.
Marriage, according to her Christian values, is a lifelong commitment and Tina's decision to stay seemed to have been influenced primarily by this notion.
This could be attributed to the fact that the Bible inadvertently teaches that infidelity does/doesn't give justification for divorce.
In times of crisis, the faithful turn to the Bible for reprieve; however, when it comes to infidelity, the Bible can be more confusing than comforting.
Bible Contradictions about Approaching Infidelity
When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
Divorce = OK
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
Divorce = Sometimes OK
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.
Divorce = Not Ok
What does the Bible say about this?
The Bible: Can you Trust it?
When “contradictions” are studied within their contexts and from a historical perspective, you'll see that most of the apparent contradictions disappear, and in fact, even support the reliability and accuracy of the Bible.
In terms of infidelity, the Bible reflects the ambiguity and complexity of the issue.
Ultimately, it is situational and only you can decide whether to stay or leave.
You are the expert and only you know whether the relationship is worth salvaging.
What Would You Do?
If you discovered infidelity in your relationship, would you...
Stop the Drama & Stay Together
Reasons to Stay
1) Most men are still in love with their wives when they cheat.
Men who cheat haven't fallen out of love; they've become unsatisfied with the current state of it.
2) Men usually cheat with women they know.
Cheaters don't generally pick up random women in bars. The relationships are usually friendships first.
So, try to connect with your spouse more than anyone else and do things together (e.g. sleeping at the same time/cuddling).
4) Men hate themselves after affairs.
Cheaters aren't men with a lack of morals and they tend to despise themselves after their indiscretions.
He's betrayed person he vowed to love forever. That generally takes a toll on the psyche and creates a sense of failure/dishonor.
5) Affairs can sometimes fix a marriage.
Infidelity can rekindle a marriage by putting things into perspective for the cheater. Men often realize the grass is greener at home once they've wandered into someone else yard.
Infidelity also highlights lack of impulse control/self-control, which could be attributed to a one-time screw up.
When A Woman's Fed Up
Reasons to Leave
1) The relationship will never be the same.
Although a relationship can improve after cheating, it usually does not. Once trust is lost, the alliance is usually broken.
2) Set an example for children.
If your children see you leave a cheater, they'll learn cheating is unacceptable, will not be tolerated, and has severe consequences.
3) Loss of self-respect. After infidelity is discovered, your self-respect is going to take a huge blow.
Especially if the cheating is chronic, how do you respect yourself staying with a man who refuses to value your relationship?
4) You're not taking the "easy" way out. It's as difficult, if not more difficult, to leave a relationship, even a bad one, than it is to stay in one.
You're not the one giving up on the relationship, he gave up when he cheated.
5) You deserve better. Believe it or not, there are men and women who do not cheat and will not cheat, and you deserve one of them.
Ten Relationship Fails Men and Women Do That Make Absolutely No Sense
Beyond Affairs Network Support Groups
- Beyond Affairs Network
The Beyond Affairs Network is an international network of support groups for betrayed spouses to gel them deal with the devastating emotions and make informed choices.
Infidelity Support Group
- Your Infidelity Support Group Online | CheatingSupport.com
CheatingSupport.com is a completely FREE & PRIVATE Infidelity Support Group Online! For Married, Single, Divorced, Separated, Gay and Straight.
If you decide to stay:
- You need to prep yourself for battle. Instead of wasting energy by catastrophizing about more infidelity, spend time doing mental dress rehearsals.
Take a few minutes first to run through a handful of likely scenarios and envision yourself navigating each one in the best way possible.
The extra prep can ease anxiety and give you confidence to react calmly to whatever situation arises (e.g. running into a mistress in the grocery store).
- Pep Talk. Come up with a mantra to remind yourself that you're got grit and the ability to persevere during tough times.
- Embrace the Pain. Most people stop running the race near the finish line but others see that as a golden opportunity to surpass their competitor.
Use your circumstance as a stepping stone toward victory in your relationship.
- Take Deep Breaths. Deep breathing helps slow cognitive thought processes and make intuitive thinking possible.
Practice the 4x4x4 breathing (inhale deeply before count the next helpful for town and repeat the cycle for four minutes several times a day you're guaranteed to feel calmer on any battleground).
- Find a DivorceCare group meeting near you - DivorceCare
DivorceCare is a divorce recovery support group where you can find help and healing for the hurt of separation and divorce.
7 Steps To Deciding If Divorce Is Right For You
- 7 Steps To Deciding If Divorce Is Right For You
By Joy Cipoletti for DivorcedMoms.com I wrote an article recently about the long and winding road I took to deciding to divorce. Although I think every step on that road was necessary, it might have been an easier and quicker journey if I’d ...
If you decide to leave:
- Seek Support from both people who have been through divorce and professionals in the field.
Therapy may be helpful during this process to give you an objective perspective on the situation and your progress on your divorce journey.
- Open your own bank account and credit card.
- Research your financial status by gathering documents; 6 months of bank statements, previous 2-5 years of his and your income tax returns, and assess your assets vs. your existing debts to avoid surprises.
- Prepare your husband for the change and talk with the children.
- Interview and retain a lawyer, enlisting assistance in sorting out child and spousal support will be the number one priority if you are a stay at home mother without income of your own.
- If you are a stay at home mother remain in the matrimonial home but make an action plan for the physical separation (e.g. when will he going to move out?)
This plan is a start in preparing before the actual separation. Realize that this is only the beginning of the ongoing process, which will continue for months or even years.
This is an individual experience as unique as you are. With honesty, research, preparation and emotional support, you will succeed in extricating yourself from an unhappy marriage.
Seeking as much information as possible and utilizing your own instincts will get you through the initial and most difficult part of divorce.
Whether you decide to stay or you I choose to leave, you still need to decide if you will allow the past to dictate your present and future.
You can't fly with a bunch of weight holding you down. So, if you stay in the relationship don't bring up the past and if you leave the relationship don't bring up the past.
Innovate and move on toward the future.
Armed with this information you can make new choices that support your desires by beginning to believe that you life is what you make it and only you know what is best for you. Choose wisely.