- Gender and Relationships
On The Hunt
Crested Pigeons courting
Mating time in the Bird world
It is springtime and the birds in our garden are protecting their territory, choosing a nesting sight and calling to their mate to give approval. There have been lots of love flights as well as territorial fights. It is spring and time to produce new life.
Humans though, do not wait for spring fever. They hunt for Mr or Miss Right whatever the season.
Hunting for a Mate
Should Christians hunt for a mate or should they wait for God to guide them to their life long partner? Some people believe they should wait for God to bring their mate to them while other people feel that they should help God by dating as many people as possible, even cohabiting to see if they are compatible.
That first date
Wanted One Wife
Arranged marriages – do they work? Does love play a part? Does love come later or turn into a marriage nightmare?
A young couple from India submitted to an arranged marriage. The young man advertised for a wife, the uncle of the young woman replied. Negotiations began, the couple each prayed, and then a meeting between the couple arranged. Negotiations broke down, the young woman did not want to get married but her uncle pointed out that she needed a husband in India and this young man ticked all the boxes. Negotiations reopened and the couple married. Today they have two children and are very much in love and the relationship is solid. It is the belief of some cultures that arranged marriages are more successful than marriages where the couple fell in love and married
Six Questions to Think About
How do you know the person you are about to marry is the right one?
What signs do you follow? What do you expect from that person?
Do you marry a blonde, brunette, or red head?
What triggers the chemistry of true love?
Is it the attraction of opposites?
With This Ring I Wed Thee
Personally, the criteria for a mate had to have brown eyes, well built, outgoing personality, and fun loving and good-looking. Did I marry this person?
When I became a Christian, I realised that I should let the Lord choose my partner. Through a series of circumstances, I met the man of my dreams and we married. He was dark haired and blue eyed, of average height and battled sickness. He was just right for me, though not my dream man. I knew he was the man to whom I should align my life.
The Lord chose far better than I ever could have He looked on the heart, the character of the man. Our relationship has lasted six decades.
Physical appeal and a strong sexual drive are triggers in choosing the right partner as well as material possessions and the ability to provide. When attraction and emotions are rampant, a person often believes that what they feel is love and it will last a lifetime. A relationship based on physical attraction alone is a rocky foundation on which to build a lifelong relationship. Physical attraction often quickly dies.
In listening to other people’s stories of how they found Mr or Miss Right, it seems that God is a God of diversity and we are a people of diversity and there is no right or wrong way to find a mate.
We all have perceptions of what our mate should look and be like. We even give God a list of what we are looking for. There is no formula for finding Mr or Miss Right other than to looking to God to arrange circumstances even create a miracle or two. He chooses by whatever means to bring two people together and to create chemistry between them that will last ‘until death do us part’. Circumstances are widely diverse and the people diverse, yet they marry and create a lasting relationship because they are confident that their mate is the God chosen one.
Mr and Miss Right
There are five arrows pointing to a lasting relationship.
Thinking the same way
Their dedication to Christ as well as their spouse
A close friendship needs to exist in the relationship as well as sexual chemistry.
Both partners need to agree that marriage is a partnership and not a dictatorship.
I asked a number of people how with successful marriages how they knew their partner were Mr or Miss Right. Chloe (not her real name) thought she had found Mr Right but after several years of abuse, she sought a divorce. Chloe had a young son to bring up and was not interested in the elusive Mr Right if there was such a man. However, Chloe had a contingency plan. If God wanted her to marry this mythical Mr Right, he had to be good father material, provide for her sufficiently and respect her. None of this romantic stuff or bed stuff just practical day- to- day care. When Chloe met Mr Right, there was no appeal whatever but this ordinary man over time, morphed into Mr Right who met all the stipulations laid before the Lord. Chloe and her Mr Right have been married for twenty-two years. They have had to work at their relationship but they are going from strength to strength because faith that God brought them together and had a plan for them is the glue that keeps them working together.
Knowing our partner is the right one allows either spouse to overlook the faults in the other. Dwelling on each others faults constantly nagging about them and trying to change the partner will kill love with in a few years.
Not for Sale
Selling yourself short sexually before marriage just to please your sweetheart is not a solid criterion for a stable marriage; it is an invitation for disrespect. The one demanding ‘to go all the way to prove love’ shows there is no respect, no honour, no love and will carry over into marriage and become the excuse for abuse.
As a young person growing up in church circles, there was great emphasis to ‘be not unequally yoked together.’
Advice, at the time, for Christian young people was to marry a person of similar faith. When choosing Mr or Miss Right if both partners were Christian it had to be God’s will. Marriages still failed even though both partners were Christian. There has to be more than a similar faith, the secret can found in Biblical verses about love, “Love is very kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish ort rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly ever notice when others do it wrong.”
It is important though, to marry a person of similar faith but not necessarily denomination. To marry a person without faith, often means the Christian must make choices that are not Godly or God honouring and in the end, the believer denies their God in order to maintain a good and successful marriage.
To marry a person with the idea of winning them to Christ is an excuse to satisfy the physical appetite. Of course, it does happen that a spouse is converted.
Today we do not hear this emphasis from the pulpit. It is uncool to talk about this principle. However, it is still an important factor when choosing a mate. A second factor, never marry believer or unbeliever just to be married.
Beyond the Cake
What is the Formula
There is no formula. Personally speaking, my husband maintains I am his best friend.
He is my best friend.
Respect and loyalty is high on our list of compatibility.
Our Faith in Christ has not waned Christ is still the Lord of our lives.
After six decades, love is caring, sharing, loyal, helping bear each other’s physical and spiritual challenges, sitting side by side sharing a speaking silence as we contemplate the next decade and what it might hold.
'My partner is my best friend,' In marriages that have stood the test of time either one or the other of the couple invariable says, ' My wife/husband is my best friend.'
Friendship is a main ingredient as well as physical attraction that keeps a marriage solvent.