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Maybe...He's Just Not That Into You...

Updated on March 1, 2017

Okay ladies, this one is just for you! I hear women complain all the time about how they never can find the right guy or how they are always getting stuck with losers. If you are one of those women then it is about time that you take a long look in the mirror and figure out what it is about you that keeps attracting these men? Or, better yet, what is about you that makes you see the men this way? Have you ever noticed that the total jerk who you've wasted your entire life on seems to turn out to be someone elses prince charming? Maybe its because you acted more like an evil stepsister than Cinderella when he was with you. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that there are plenty of men out there who are total idiots and have treated some of you women like dirt. It is those kind of men who actually bring me to my first don't.....

Women, please don't judge every man in you come into contact with based on your previous relationships with men! I see it happen ALL the time. The girl who fell in love with the perfect guy who took her heart and stomped on it with spiky boots. I get it. You were all into this guy and while it may have been nothing to him, it (and he) was everything to you.

Sadly, most women who hate all men because of another man are really still in-love with that oh so bad ex. Let's think about this for a second here. You compare every single guy you meet to HIM. You can't talk about your relationship with this new guy to your friends without talking about HIM. Even though you realize its not a smart move, the first thing you do when you're getting close to a guy is you tell him about your horrible past with HIM. Believe me sister, you are not over HIM. If this is you, then you need to take some time and leave the dating scene while you do get over him. The reality of the situation isn't that you hate all men because of him; you hate all men because they are NOT him. You can't let yourself be loved and treated right by any substitute because unfortunately HE still owns your heart. TAKE IT BACK! He isn't going to magically turn into the man you thought he was and come back to you when you're a forty-year-old successful business woman who STILL hates men! Your life is not a Hallmark movie. If you don't get past this you're going to end up running away the man that could have been what you always wanted your ex to be.......

The next thing that we women tend to do is to always play the helpless girl routine. Now, men like to feel that they are in control, but unless he is an abusive man (in which case you need to get out of there FAST) he likes for his woman to be able to do SOMETHING! Chivalry is certainly not dead, and I love to have my door opened, but I don't need my man to tell me to get in the car after he opens the door. Men like to feel wanted and needed, but they don't like to feel NECESSARY. What I mean by this is that he doesn't want to feel obligated to take care of you every second of his life. Here's a scenario for you: He's hanging out with his friends and you call to ask him to come and open a pickle jar. I know that's a bit extreme but you get the idea. Stop acting like the man's baby and start acting like the man's WOMAN. Grow up already! Eventually daddy's going to trade you in for the real deal if you can't get it together. Besides, I find that most men think a capable woman is a little sexy!

On the opposite end of the spectrum, remember not to take the whole independent woman thing too far. A lot of men today are totally comfortable with women who bring home the bacon but let him put the sides on the table. Men are engineered to want to feel in control, and from a religious standpoint, they are head of the household. I'm not saying you should be barefoot and pregnant but unless you're planning on being an independent woman the rest of your life you better learn how to lean on your man a little bit. If he offers to pay for dinner then let him do it. It doesn't matter if you think (or know) that he can't afford it. It's his way of doing something for you so let him do it. Don't always brag about how you can do everything by yourself. "I pay my own bills, I can change my own tire, I can fix my own house, etc." The only thing I have to say about that is look forward to your man feeling like, "well what the heck do you need me for" (because we all know you can handle sex on your own, too). All I'm saying is be proud of what you've accomplished in life and don't let anyone take that from you but tone it down a little bit. Ms. Independent isn't a Mrs. for a reason.


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    • aesmith2009 profile imageAUTHOR

      Amy RedCloud 

      8 years ago from USA


    • couturepopcafe profile image


      8 years ago

      Sound advice!

    • aesmith2009 profile imageAUTHOR

      Amy RedCloud 

      8 years ago from USA

      Thank You!

    • Property-Invest profile image


      8 years ago from London

      Great hub and well written!

    • aesmith2009 profile imageAUTHOR

      Amy RedCloud 

      8 years ago from USA

      Thank you so much for your comment, it really means a lot coming from you! Amy

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      I loved this hub! I want every woman to read it! I am divorced three times! And I have to say that it was my 2nd husband who really is the love of my life. Unfortunately by now he is in another relationship...but it took me 15 years after we divorced to come to terms with that reality. Your hub really hit a tender spot in me. Thanks for being a fan and helping me to find you!

    • no body profile image

      Robert E Smith 

      8 years ago from Rochester, New York

      The balance between independence and self-reliance in a woman is different for a Christian guy than many women realize and may be surprising to some women. We long for a mix of Mary (Lazarus' sister) and the Proverbs 31 woman. We want a woman that is wholly sold out for the Lord. We want a woman that loves us but loves the Lord first. In that love she knows she can be strong and wise. She rules her house well. She knows what a wife and husband are as far a the Bible is concerned and works toward that ideal. She knows what the Bible means when it says for a woman to be submissive without making that mean that she becomes some man's doormat. She knows her Bible and points him to answers that make him a better man. In your hub you said just what I said but in many ways you said it better. You spoke of misplaced loyalty - putting the man first above God and that never works. You spoke of holding one man's sin over the heads of subsequent men - that's never fair. You spoke of forgetting the whole thing and just becoming the man herself and that is unfulfilling. The very best way is always God's way. Love you sister and your hub as always. Bob.

    • profile image

      Saronica T. 

      8 years ago

      Amy,this is great advice in my opinion.I found this very interesting.Good job.


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