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Maybe It’s Us Gays That Need To Change

Updated on April 23, 2010


Sometimes I write to amuse, sometimes to cause a reaction but mostly I write because if I didn’t I think I’d explode. Yesterday I wrote about the rainbow flag that was burned outside of the New York LGBT Center. Now I hate the damn rainbow business from the get go and anyone who has read my stuff knows that so I don’t think it could have been all that big a surprise that my feelings on it were basically, “Burn baby burn!” Look I get that we’ve all worked long and hard for the piece of second class citizenship our government and the Right Wing White Christians who rule our country have afforded us but the more I thought about that flag in all its rainbowlishness the more I wondered if maybe it’s us gays that need to change – Don’t Get Me Started!

We all talk about wanting equal rights but there’s a large part of me that wonders why we aren’t simply demanding it at this point. I mean, why are we still playing the center square on Hollywood Squares with our double entendres when we should be hosting this God Damned party? (Who puts parties together better than gays? No one!) My point is that we want to be accepted as being “normal” and “look at us we can raise kids” when really we’ve been raising other people’s kids for years. Like it or not, gays have always been attracted to helping people. Whether it’s teaching them in a school or helping them get their luggage in an overhead bin, the point of the matter is that although many in our “community” seek the holy grail of a “straight man” or “straight acting male” most of us are in touch with our feminine or as I prefer to think of it, “care giver” side. The truth is we know more about compassion than many of our straight counterparts by the little we’ve been shown throughout history. (As with many other minorities) We embraced our youths as they were thrown out by their uneducated parents when they found out they were gay, we’ve fed and hugged our community with HIV and AIDS when many would have us believe it was a plague that you could get from being in the same room with someone infected. And guess what? We’re still doing all of that today and more. Why aren’t we embracing this side of ourselves, celebrating it and shoving it in the faces of those who would have us locked away on some sort of Lepers Island of rights? Let’s stop asking to be accepted and take what we are due as citizens of the United States and human beings. And why do we crave the label “normal” so much? We’re not “normal” but guess what, no one is “normal” it simply doesn’t exist.  It’s a made up condition much like I think restless leg syndrome is but maybe that’s just me, after all they have a pill you can take if you have crazy legs and we should all trust the pharmaceutical companies, right? (Yes, sarcasm)

I guess what I’m saying is that we as the LGBT (which always sounds like a sandwich to me and in certain orgy circles I’m sure it is) community tend to whine about other people’s opinions about us and laws not changing but we ourselves haven’t changed all that much with the times. Yes, we needed the Stonewall riots and we needed Harvey Milk and maybe even the rainbow but today we need to move on from our history books and create a new system and way of doing things from lessons learned from the past while looking toward the future. Great, maybe we’re not Paul Lynde or Liberace anymore and now we have Neil Patrick Harris and Ricky Martin who are out and we even have gay characters on television who are actually allowed to say they’re gay and kiss. But what’s next people cause this sure as hell is a bunch of nothing to hang our hat on. Let’s get out of some of the old habits that aren’t suiting us anymore. I saw an article on about getting rid of the whole “coming out” label and I agree. No one needs to “come out” to anyone, it’s no one’s business who you sleep with as long as it’s two consenting adults so let’s just stop making it such a big deal and let’s start being. The covers of People magazine shouldn’t be filled with “He’s Out!” It should have a cover of a celebrity that’s in the news for what they do not who they do (or that crazy chick with the million kids cause I love it when the crazy straightees get the cover instead of us gays). And the same goes for average citizens and military. If you want to tell someone you’re gay, tell someone, if you don’t, don’t it’s up to you and shouldn’t be left to the mercy of publicity whores like Perez Hilton and his outing of people to try and get famous from information as opposed to talent. I’ve got an idea. Let’s stop greeting the fact that someone is gay with such sensationalism and let them just be the sensational individual they were meant to be.  Look, I love that I’m gay but I don’t need that to be in every conversation and it’s not all that I am and I sure as hell don’t need a rainbow sticker on my car to let the world know either. I want to challenge the youth of the world (straight, gay, whatever) it’s time you took this thing over. Get rid of the labels of “coming out” and the rainbows and give us the future of what we should be because as any good educator knows from looking into the eyes of passionate youths, they will take over and remake the world with or without us and this gay thinks that’s a good thing. Maybe it’s us gays that need to change – Don’t Get Me Started!

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      Kerry Karsian 7 years ago

      Thank you for this. You articulate, with skill, wit and passion what I just sit around and think.... giving me lots of free time to get my nails done and clean out the linen closet (but, strangely... not enough time to get get to the gym....Hmmm....) I love to read you! xo