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Maybe Tiger And Jesse James Have The Right Idea About Monogamy And The Rest Of Us Are Wrong

Updated on March 24, 2010


You can’t turn on a television or computer without immediately seeing something about Tiger Woods and Jesse James’ recent indiscretions. We are a society that can’t get enough of someone else’s suffering. During 9/11 we convinced ourselves that it was happening to us personally even if we were miles away, Katrina, we felt the same way we just didn’t want to smell the stagnant water. Haiti, Anna Nicole, Michael Jackson, whether they’re natural disasters or manmade we’re all about watching as much of it as possible and then having the media beat it to death. We make the person with the most tragic story from the natural disasters into heroes and with the celebrity variety everyone who ever knew that person comes out of the woodwork to give an interview. But hurricanes aside I started thinking about the two recent infidelity scandals and I couldn’t help but wonder, maybe Tiger and Jesse James have the right idea about monogamy and the rest of us are wrong – Don’t Get Me Started!

Whenever I talk about my spouse of twenty-one years, I always follow it up with, “Yes, twenty-one years in a gay monogamous relationship which is the equivalent of dog years so that means we’ve been together something like four hundred years.” It always gets a laugh. I think that I do this because I want everyone to know that all gays are not sluts and more to the point that I somehow would like to be rewarded for my monogamous efforts (since the government isn’t giving me anything in the way of marriage or tax cuts). But the truth of the matter is that the only reason I think monogamy is important is because my parents who have been married for forty some years thought it was important and that’s what they taught me.

 For generations we’ve all based our lives on the bible or the traditions of our family that have been passed down from generation to generation but there are other things that are passed down from these two places such as discrimination and judgment from the religious right who claim it’s from the bible and sexual and drug abuse that have a history of being handed down from generation to generation. Sure you can find good and bad in any situation but my point is that I wonder if the bible and our previous generations got it wrong about monogamy the same way they got it wrong about eating shellfish, homosexuality and never inviting your second cousin to family functions. Are we bound by a code of living that is really a fantasy made up by some high-horse types from a generation long since dead and we’re still paying for their opinions rather than the facts? When my mother thought she was going to be a writer she would say to me, “I need a best seller, you know like the bible. Let’s face it, it has everything in it, sex, burning bushes and scandal. Who’s to say that someone a long time ago didn’t just write the best novel ever written?” I love my mother for a lot of reasons and this thinking is one of them.

You can argue that God created the sexually transmitted disease to keep us monogamous or punish us when we’re not but then you could also wonder why God made the condom, antibiotics and the free clinic if this is your thinking. I’m not saying we should all be walking around with our schlongs and schlongettes out shtooping everything that moves but I also don’t see the harm in a little something something between consenting adults if that’s what makes you happy and you have an agreement with yourself and your spouse if you have one. For me, it’s like in high school when my girlfriend (yes, I had a few and even sealed the deal with women in my lifetime) my girlfriend in high school kept pushing me to push it into her and all I could think of was the films we’d seen in Child Development class of childbirth and also thinking that with my luck I would get this girl pregnant and then be tied to this nutbag the rest of my life. Needless to say I declined her comely offers and I’m glad I “saved” myself.

For me I couldn’t take the guilt of having an affair and to be honest there’s something about being with my guy that suits me just fine in that department. But I’m not going to judge my friends who are sluts (just want to hear the gory details so that I can live vicariously through them).

So what if we collectively decided that monogamy was for the individual to decide and none of our collective business as a so-called society? Think of all the money, time and television air that we would save by not caring who Bill Clinton is getting blown by in the oval office, by not allowing women (and their ex-husbands such as in the Jesse James case) to clutter our televisions self promoting for simply having sex with someone famous. In my day that was called a groupie, not someone who needed a Gloria Allred to get them on every television show known to man. And if we stop caring so much about this state of holy monogamy, maybe just maybe those of us who are monogamous will get off of our high horses and stop acting superior to those who are free spirited enough to not be monogamous. We aren’t superior because we only have sex with the same person we’re simply making a choice, just like the sluts should be able to make a choice. I’m just saying, maybe Tiger and Jesse James have the right idea about monogamy and the rest of us are wrong – Don’t Get Me Started!

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      Luke Johnson 7 years ago

      Or ... maybe, just maybe, there might be some validity to the commandments delivered on Mt. Sinai. Notably, "Thou shalt not commit adultery." Wouldn't Mark Sanford, Tiger Woods and all the others be better off if they had simply stayed zipped except with their wives? We're talking about an institution that is primarily designed for the bearing and rearing of children. Whatever pain the adulteror inflicts on his wife, imho the damage his infidelity wreaks on his children is even worse. She is another person - albeit one to whom he has pledged fidelity on the altar of God. However, the children are HIS children!

      It makes little difference whether God specifically created sexually transmitted diseases in order to punish fornicators and adulterers, or merely -- knowing that such microbes were going to be out there as part of a fallen world -- issued commandments that would keep the faithful free from such things. The fact is that they DO exist, and the best way to avoid them is to practice abstinence before marriage, and fidelity within marriage.

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 7 years ago from Las Vegas

      billyaustindillon - yes, in these cases I think you're right, it's a breach of trust.

    • billyaustindillon profile image

      billyaustindillon 7 years ago

      Interesting take on it - think it just comes down to trust and breaching it - if James and Woods didn't think it was wrong why did they go to so much trouble to hide it? ISn't it that simple?