Men Get Abused In Relationships Too.
Can't we just get along?
The Timeless Battle of Wills Between Men And Women.
Over the years I have spoken to many men about their relationships with for the purpose of this article we will call "significant others." The discussion is a wide one that encompasses everything from dating to marriage to sex, to how to raise children, and how money should be spent. One area that men do not speak very openly about is being mentally abused and manipulated in their relationships. Now I have been around long enough to know manipulation from both genders happens in relationships all the time, that is part of what goes on. However, there is a thin line between manipulation and abuse. Often times the line is so blurred and subtle that it becomes a seamless transition that couples make without even knowing it. I have known men who woke up one day wondering how and when they went from once just feeling innocently manipulated to now feeling abused. Upon making this revelation some men become resentful which then can create another set of problems. How many of the situations below do you recognize in either yourself or one of your friends:
Abuse is when your significant other attempts to exert control and power over her/his partner
- CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
Abusive women just like abusive men are controlling.
- May try to control who you hang out with.
- Control where you work and who you work with.
- Control what you do with your paycheck.
- Control what you wear.
- Control how often you talk to your friends and family.
- May refuse to talk to you.
- Ignore you and sulk until she gets her way.
- EXTREME JEALOUSY
- Most Controlling significant others are jealous
- May be jealous of you as a person
- May be jealous when she is not the center of attention
- Abusive wives want you all to themselves.
- They discourage you spending time with platonic friends, co-workers, or casual acquaintances.
- She would rather you be unhappy alone Than perhaps telling others about it.
- This is a manipulative behavior often used to confuse people into thinking their reactions are off base that they are crazy.
- The victim might start to question reality and what they are thinking.
Men Are Not Angels
I can hear the female readers of this article loudly proclaiming that they know of no men walking around with a halo hovering over their heads. And gentlemen you they are right. There are a lot of guys who deserve what they get. So often men have given women cause to be suspicious, manipulative and yes even controlling. It is at this point a very serious and honest conversation probably needs to take place. How might a couple go about having such a conversation when so often Men are from mars and women are from Venus. Sometimes neither person can handle the truth so each may not feel the need to go there. I mean why start a new argument? The matter of control is perhaps why the divorce rate is so high in the United States. I admire couples who have found a way to stay together over many years. I would imagine that what those relationships have in common are:
- The Willingness To Compromise.
- The Willingness To Listen
- The Willingness To Forgive
- The Willingness To Communicate
- The Willingness To Equally Share In Decision Making
Try A Little Tenderness
If I had any absolute ideas for what you could do to help or in some cases save your relationships I suppose I would be doing something other than writing about it and simply offering ideas. However, whether you are a man or a woman you need to know that you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. The dynamics of the male/female relationship is mysterious and varies with the many personalities that attempt to succeed in such unions so there is no one way to get it right. If you should stumble up on that magical formula be sure to write it down and share it with others, the world would be very grateful. In the meantime lets keep being considerate of each others needs and feelings. Don't give up. Don't ever give up.