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Men Get Abused In Relationships Too.

Updated on April 2, 2014

Can't we just get along?

Can't live together. Can't live apart.
Can't live together. Can't live apart. | Source

The Timeless Battle of Wills Between Men And Women.

Over the years I have spoken to many men about their relationships with for the purpose of this article we will call "significant others." The discussion is a wide one that encompasses everything from dating to marriage to sex, to how to raise children, and how money should be spent. One area that men do not speak very openly about is being mentally abused and manipulated in their relationships. Now I have been around long enough to know manipulation from both genders happens in relationships all the time, that is part of what goes on. However, there is a thin line between manipulation and abuse. Often times the line is so blurred and subtle that it becomes a seamless transition that couples make without even knowing it. I have known men who woke up one day wondering how and when they went from once just feeling innocently manipulated to now feeling abused. Upon making this revelation some men become resentful which then can create another set of problems. How many of the situations below do you recognize in either yourself or one of your friends:

Abuse is when your significant other attempts to exert control and power over her/his partner


Abusive women just like abusive men are controlling.

  1. May try to control who you hang out with.
  2. Control where you work and who you work with.
  3. Control what you do with your paycheck.
  4. Control what you wear.
  5. Control how often you talk to your friends and family.
  6. May refuse to talk to you.
  7. Ignore you and sulk until she gets her way.
  1. Most Controlling significant others are jealous
  2. May be jealous of you as a person
  3. May be jealous when she is not the center of attention
  1. Abusive wives want you all to themselves.
  2. They discourage you spending time with platonic friends, co-workers, or casual acquaintances.
  3. She would rather you be unhappy alone Than perhaps telling others about it.
  • Gaslighting
  1. This is a manipulative behavior often used to confuse people into thinking their reactions are off base that they are crazy.
  2. The victim might start to question reality and what they are thinking.

Men Are Not Angels

I can hear the female readers of this article loudly proclaiming that they know of no men walking around with a halo hovering over their heads. And gentlemen you they are right. There are a lot of guys who deserve what they get. So often men have given women cause to be suspicious, manipulative and yes even controlling. It is at this point a very serious and honest conversation probably needs to take place. How might a couple go about having such a conversation when so often Men are from mars and women are from Venus. Sometimes neither person can handle the truth so each may not feel the need to go there. I mean why start a new argument? The matter of control is perhaps why the divorce rate is so high in the United States. I admire couples who have found a way to stay together over many years. I would imagine that what those relationships have in common are:

  • The Willingness To Compromise.
  • The Willingness To Listen
  • The Willingness To Forgive
  • The Willingness To Communicate
  • The Willingness To Equally Share In Decision Making

Try A Little Tenderness

Don't Give Up on Each Other And Try To Trust Again.
Don't Give Up on Each Other And Try To Trust Again. | Source


If I had any absolute ideas for what you could do to help or in some cases save your relationships I suppose I would be doing something other than writing about it and simply offering ideas. However, whether you are a man or a woman you need to know that you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. The dynamics of the male/female relationship is mysterious and varies with the many personalities that attempt to succeed in such unions so there is no one way to get it right. If you should stumble up on that magical formula be sure to write it down and share it with others, the world would be very grateful. In the meantime lets keep being considerate of each others needs and feelings. Don't give up. Don't ever give up.


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    • Larry Rankin profile image

      Larry Rankin 2 years ago from Oklahoma

      Any abuse in a relationship, from men or women is wrong.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      Voted up and interesting!

      I agree men who are abused is a very rarely discussed topic. I suspect they are too embarrassed to admit it and none would want to call 911 and state they're being beaten up by their girlfriend/wife. Even if they did there aren't any shelters for battered men.

      If a man hits a woman it's a tragedy and if a woman hit's a man it's a comedy. Think back to Lorena Bobbitt. If her husband had done anything like that to her there would have been no jokes about it.

      One of the greatest lines of manipulation used by women is saying anything that begins with: "A REAL man would....etc" (Would basically do whatever {she} wants him to do) ha ha!

      There have also been statistics that show even in violent abusive scenarios oftentimes it was the (woman) who {initiated} physical contact. This by no means justifies men hitting women but it does make you wonder why so many women think it's okay to haul off and slap man.

      I've heard women talking amongst themselves saying things like "You have to train a man." or "All men are dogs, liars, cheaters ...etc" Both genders are guilty of lumping the other into a "one size fits all" group.

      I suppose it's easier than getting to know each person as an individual and taking responsibility for their mate selection criteria.

    • Rick Whitlow profile image

      Rick Whitlow 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Thanks sheilamyers. Just thought I would share a little information for people to think about.

    • profile image

      sheilamyers 4 years ago

      This is a great hub! The men out there who are in abusive relationships know who they are, but as you said, most probably wouldn't admit to it. And the women who deny this stuff happens need to take another look around the internet and check out all of the sites made to help abused men.

    • Rick Whitlow profile image

      Rick Whitlow 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Thanks very much Alphadogg, I had some random thoughts and a little time today so I put them on paper. Thanks again for your comment.

    • Alphadogg16 profile image

      Kevin W 4 years ago from Texas

      Very interesting article Rick Whitlow. I have a friend who is currently in an abusive relationship. I personally feel that he has serious self esteem issues, as do most women who are in the same situation. I say if you always believe in your self and know your self worth, you would be strong enough to not allow yourself to fall into this type of relationship. Thumbs up on your hub.