- Gender and Relationships
Men Who Are Likely to Have Marriage Problems
For those women in particular, who are currently looking for men to marry, you might find this article very interesting. However, before I share this rather interesting bit of finding, I would first like to make it clear that I personally believe that although there are many reasons some marriages end prematurely, "personality" --- one of the main "breakers" or "makers" --- is often the culprit that is responsible for the disruption or death of most of these marriages.
Based on studies, for example all children in general, may begin temper tantrums as early as the age of 15 months, but are most frequent between the ages of two and four. It's quite natural however, for all children to display tantrums at some point.
It is believed that active, strong-willed children, may have one or two episodes per week, and that tantrums are an expression of frustration. If a child is unable to perform an activity for example, such as buttoning a coat he/she might become frustrated and throw a tantrum.
Another belief is that children also use tantrums as a way of expressing the lack of control over their lives. For instance, a child may throw a tantrum at bedtime when he or she wants to continue playing instead of going to bed. Children may also use tantrum occasionally, as a way of gaining attention from a parent or other caregivers, or even as an attempt to manipulate the situation to some extent. The question is however, what happens to boys who have a history of temper tantrums? Does their childhood bad temper affect their marriages as adults?
Temper Tantrums and Marital Problems
Based on the result of a cor-relational study that observed schoolchildren for thirty years of their lives, bad-tempered boys were found to have the tendency to become moody, irritable men whose marriages fail and who experience periods of unemployment(Caspi etal 1987).
The researchers were able to establish these correlations from this longitudinal study which began with boys eight to ten years old. Those considered "bad-tempered" by their parents often had episodes of explosive outbursts in which they bit, kicked, struck, swore, screamed, shouted, and threw things. The researchers followed and paid close attention to the lives of these and other boys well into manhood.
At the end of these three decades of study, researchers rated the adult personalities of these participants. They discovered a strong relationship between temper tantrums in middle childhood and irritability and moodiness in middle adulthood. Another finding was that the ill-tempered men were twice as likely to be divorced as the other men in the study.
The researchers concluded that although it cannot be said that throwing temper tantrums in childhood causes difficulty in later life, it's safe say that school-age children who find it impossible to curtail their tempers also appeared to have problems with social relationships as adults, both at home and on the job. They also believe that we can safely predict that bad-tempered boys will be likely to have future marital and occupational problems.
How to Help Children Control Temper Tantrums
Experts have come up with tips on ways to help children control bad temper tantrums. See list below:
- Bring it to the child's attention when other children are exhibiting a desirable behavior. You may simply say "Do you see how nicely that boy is behaving", without adding, "Why can't you do the same?"
- Instructions given to children should be firmly phrased in terms of the things to do, instead of the things not to do.
- Whenever a child throws a temper tantrums, you are advised to remain calm. The behavior should be described. For example, " You are pretending you don't hear me when I say it's time to go to bed."
- Praise all reactions that seem reasonable, silenced tantrums or any efforts of self-control. Let the child know which behavior is being praised. You may say to the child "I asked you to stop kicking the chair, and you did."
- All negative behaviors should be ignored as much as possible.
- You should not speak to the child as if begging or in desperation.
- It's best that you always try to model the behaviors you would like your child to exhibit.
- Avoid conflict of interest. One parent or caregiver shouldn't be trying to eradicate a negative behavior while the other tolerating it.
- Be persistent, don't quit. Always keep in mind that sometimes it takes a while to change, control or discontinue certain behaviors.
To reinforce, for those looking for men to marry, although marrying a man who have a history of boyhood temper tantrums are not the only reasons women experience marital problems. However, based on the above findings, bad-tempered boys are more likely to have marital problems in later life.