- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
We Just Think Differently, That's All
A friend sent me the following email today. The email consists of two diary entries, one by the wife and one by the husband. I have no idea who authored this piece to give them credit, but it's one of those emails that gets forwarded over and over and over again. My friend's only words in her forward were, "Typical". Once I read it, I had to agree that this email was definitely a fairly well-written representation of how differently men and women think and why it tends to cause us a bit of 'trouble' from time to time.
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.
We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, 'Nothing' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.
About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep -I cried.
I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
My Harley wouldn't start today, but at least I got laid.
Doesn't that pretty much say it all?
As a woman, I notice that women do tend to over-analyze situations, and with lightning speed, I might add. That is not always a bad thing since we are multi-taskers who have to be quick in our decision-making skills in order to save our child from peril as he teeters on the edge of the coffee table, while cooking supper with one hand and calling the dentist to make an appointment for next week's teeth cleaning with the other.
When it comes to relationships, that can sometimes get us into trouble as we see in this case. I'm not by any means excusing the man in this situation from any and all responsibility. It was his failure to communicate in the first place that set the ball into motion. When she asked her husband what was wrong he could have simply said "My Harley wouldn't start and I'm kinda bummed." He may have even scored a sympathy "piece" at that point had he played his cards right.
Who knows? Maybe the wife has been reading up on how to fix his Harley. In this day and time, it's not unheard of. Maybe the wife would have gone out and fixed it for him or at least assisted to help. Perhaps she'd be wearing something short and clingy. *wink*
It's all about communication, folks. And you won't always do it perfectly. But as I sometimes tell my husband, instead of trying to find the perfect words, just spit it out and we'll mop up as we go. But you have to have an open mind when you do that.
My advice to the women: Don't assume. Don't let your imagination run wild. Don't fill in the gaps with the worst case scenarios. Sure, your signifcant other may give you all the signals that MAY mean he's cheating (or lying, or whatever, etc) but it doesn't mean he is. Become the kind of woman he wouldn't dream of cheating on or lying to. Be YOUR best self and watch what happens. He'll either shape up or leave. In either case, you're much better off.
My advice to the men: Don't assume we know what you think. We are pretty darn good at it, but we do tend to go crazy with it sometimes. Make sure we understand you. Talk to us. We love to think we're helping. If you see signs that make you uncomfortable, stay alert, but don't make solid conclusions. Become the kind of guy she would never cheat on or lie to. Be YOUR best self and watch what happens. She'll either shape up or leave. In either case, you're much better off.