- Gender and Relationships
A message from my dear friend
Mervin, My dear friend
Mervin was someone who when life gave him hundreds of reasons to cry, he showed life and the world that he had a thousand reasons to smile. He was a man who made a positive impact in this world, and left a little piece of himself in everyone he met.
Mervin developed some bladder issues which he was told by a doctor were "nothing to worry about". He was told he didn't have cancer, and life went on, until he started having back pains and trouble breathing. It turned out that he had fluid around his lungs. A doctor in late October, 2016 old him to go into the Emergency, where they drained 2.5L of fluid which in turn made him feel great! (As any person likely would feel when a great pressure is released). However, more tests later on told us that it was cancer, which started in the bladder and moved to the lungs, liver and brain. They have him 3 weeks to 3 months. When he got in there, they weren't sure he'd make it to the night, however in the hospital I was assured by one of his family members that he felt better than he had in months, maybe even years.
I was also assured that when he was told the time-span he could expect to live for; he said that it was an opportunity. That he could have been hit by a bus, but instead he was given time to plan and prepare as well as spend with his family.
I was also assured that his final day, was peaceful and he passed away among-st his family members while they told stories of him, and shared memories and laughed; and I know I should be thankful that it was a peaceful end to his life here on Earth and that he was sent off to Heaven by joy, and peace but I can't help but feel like our healthcare system failed him.
I can't help but feel angry, and hurt that he is gone and there was nothing I could have done. It feels like part of me died along with him but they just forgot to bury me.
Countless times he was there for me, to support me, to comfort me when it seemed that I had no one else who would understand or try to understand. Countless times he was there to celebrate my successes and achievements, no matter how small or big they may have been.
He made painful memories easier to bare, easier to talk about. He NEVER once gave up on me, he never left me out to rot, he was always there to tell me that I wasn't as bad as I thought I was, or to tell me when I was out of line though he never said it harshly, he was always honest but never harsh.
No words can ever begin to explain how much I miss him. I still struggle with the urge to give him a call when things go wrong, when things go right or just to chat. I find that I have to remind myself that he isn't going to answer the phone, my texts, my snaps, my kik messages... I find myself at a loss for who to call, or who to turn to when I need a gentle reminder that things will work out, someone to talk to who makes no judgments.
I may not know how I will move past this, people say time heals all, but I don't think that's true, I think time just makes it easier to cope with such a loss.
I can't help but cry when I think of him, both tears of joy for the moments I got to share with him, but also sorrow for the moments I won't get to have.
Mervin my dear friend, I miss you so much that sometimes my heart physically aches.
I will never forget you.
"Every story has to end
But some stay in your heart
They go round and round
They get lost and then found
‘Cause the end is just another place to start"
Song: Last Lullaby by The Okee Dokee Brothers.
I am glad though, that you my friend are no longer in any pain, you are free from your Earthly bonds, fly high, you earned your wings.
When I look at the stars, or the sun my thoughts will be of you.
Until we meet again my dear, dear friend.
I loved you then, I love you still, My heart still searches for you but my soul knows you are at peace.
I will always miss you.