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Money and Broken Love
How money ended my relationship
When I think of love rarely does money come into the equation. I style myself as a hopeless romantic. I think love can conquer all, despite evidence to the contrary.
According to Helen Chen 85% of relationships fail. That’s not high odds for success. Everyone knows the statistic that 50% of marriages fail. That means that people who proclaimed their undying love for one another in front of everyone they know still call it quits half the time.
So what’s going on? Well I think a great volume of books could be written about that. But I believe one thing that happens is that people aren’t getting their expectations met and a big part of this falls into how the other person can contribute and take care of them. Being a man I’ve noticed this quite a lot. It was most pronounced with my most recent ex. She literally told me she didn’t think I would ever make enough money to meet her needs.
We loved each other and had a great time, but things started to fall apart almost instantly when we were out of the honeymoon phase. There were a lot of factors, but I think for her the main one was me not making enough money and believing I would never be able to do so.
So how did this happen? How did we get to a point where a made up system to make bartering easier started to supersede one of the basest human needs and emotions? Even on some level sociopaths are wanting to be loved and they definitely love themselves.
Well I think the easy answer is that it’s our culture in the US. Money is a way for people to concretely value their worth. The more wealth you have, theoretically the better person you are, the more successful you are and the more you’re respected.
With a primal emotion like love, it’s easy to see how money got wrapped up in this. Obviously you’d want the most successful person to be your partner. I get that, but with so many people wanting to be loved, the part I don’t get is why when you love someone they would give up on that in favor of trying to find a new partner with more money.
It seems to cheapen both getting a lot of money and loving someone. What I mean by that is if you only love someone’s money you don’t really love him or her. You love one aspect of their life that happens to be very good. Then it cheapens love because it falsifies the feelings. When you love someone, you love who they are as a person and this includes the good and bad. When money is thrown in the mix this whole dynamic is ruined. Interpersonal interaction doesn’t matter when you can distract yourself with buying things and everything else that comes with being wealthy.
This is not to say being wealthy is a bad thing--far from it. Being wealthy can provide a lot of benefits to ones life and there is a lot of stress that comes from being poor.
But I think when someone loves you and you love them back money can get in the way of this. It distorts reality in a way that isn’t really beneficial to anyone. Love is a rare thing that shouldn’t be discounted. I’ve only truly been in love one time, which would mean that falling in love has happened once in 32 years. I have loved other people obviously, but only truly been in love once.
I’m not sure if there is a valid argument for leaving a relationship where you’re in love, but the money is not there. I could see if the person was lazy and refused to work, but if the other person is working as hard as they can and is making enough to get by and has a future, then that’s meaningless.
Without love, there is nothing--even if you love money. Love and passion is what has brought us almost every significant advancement and innovation. If Steve Jobs did not love what he was doing, he would not have worked so hard at it. To be in love is one of life’s greatest secrets. It’s what we all want and try so hard to get.