- Gender and Relationships»
Money health and romance
I wake up everyday with this feeling of dread and a lack of direction. I know every little thing pushes you towards success so I force myself to build my careers path. Most days I will wake up smoke part of a black n mild then maybe apply to one job that I know I don't meet the requirements for. Then I might play a couple songs that I wrote and maybe write a little. Every day I feel like I am doing all of these small things that never add up to anything other than failure. As far as romance goes I have never been in love and currently I am to scared to go out and make a fool of my self just to find a girl I really like who might just hurt me like last time.
At the same time as negative as all of that sounded. I strongly believe once I move to Columbia MO to go to Mizzou I will meet friends and start working on all of these things with a great level of optimism. Thank god for my optimism! Even when I have no friends, almost no money, and I feel like shit every day due to my addictions. I still see the light at the end of the tunnel. I still know what I am living for and what I have been working for. I still feel what I am becoming. I know the more I think "one day this will change" the further it will actually go. That is because I need to start now! I can't say that some other day ill do what I need to do. I just need to keep doing the small things until they make a big situation. The way I look at it is as long as I am still working on these three things everyday I will achieve happiness and success. These things are health, wealth, and romance. I like to think wealth goes along with your career not even thinking about money I would say wealth is more the success of my dreams.
I have hardly been working on bettering my health since I've started smoking cigars. I almost never go out which makes romance or friendship impossible. I work on a couple songs a day and apply to a couple places a day but I havn't built my album yet or went out and performed as much as I should. So I know what I need to do but I feel like I need more love. I feel like I need more support. The thing is I have been to scared to go out and find that romance for the support. The way I think of it is when I move I will find a group of friends and since I am moving soon why look around here. That is just a exscuse though. Although it does make sense and I do strongly believe once I move that I will have more chances to make friends.
So instead of wasting my time waiting for that day to come I will be working on my wealth and my health. I will admit I have been trying to eat healthy and have been working on my music at least once a day. So I can positively say one day This will grow into something great. I just need to give these things my all. I just need to stop smoking and start distracting myself with work. The work I need to do to build my album and my music career. Then or at the same time I need to go out more play on the side of the road or what ever. I just need to go out and meet people. The longer I do none of these things the longer I will be depressed and the more of my life I will be wasting. Wasting for what; Wasting away for fear and nothing else.