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Monogamy Mystery

Updated on April 26, 2010

What's in Your Tool Box?

It seems that monogamy is almost a negative word. Most people dream of finding "The One", their "Soulmate" and experiencing that deep true love typically only found in romance novels or movies. They go to great lengths to meet that special person and dream of the day when they can live Happily Ever After.

On the other hand, many people are scared to death of that, and seeing how there is still a very high divorce rate, what was supposed to be Happily Ever After, turns into "Happily No More". So the word "Monogamy" can be met with love or hate, and usually a bit of both, with a hefty dose of fears, and hopes.

Whether you personally love it or hate it, monogamy is still a most pursued activity. The benefits of being in a monogamous relationship are still strong enough to be a highly desired state of being. Even if it's "Happily Just For Now", most people would prefer to have that steady partner. Reasons for a monogamous relationship include lowering the risk of STDs and STIs, raising a family, having companionship, and a list of unique reasons that each person decides is important to their unique lifestyle.

What makes monogamy such a mystery is trying to determine the mix of qualities that create the happiest and most successful relationships.

  • Is it the scientific mix of pheromones and animalistic attraction?
  • ┬áIs it due to having the same goals, ideas, and life objectives?
  • Is it the individuals who have the best set of people skills naturally know how to "make it work" more than individuals coming from or living a more dysfunctional lifestyle?
  • Then, of course, "What's Love Got to do With it?".

My findings to date shows a decided mix of all of these things, and none of these things. Each relationship has a unique set of circumstances, but there are some very important core themes going on that make, or have the capability of making monogamy a life's masterpiece for the people involved. I want to find that particular set of tools that will allow couple's to create their own unique work of art within their own monogamous adventures. I want to make monogamy a word that equates with marvelous, magical, magnificent. Is that unrealistic in today's society? I don't think so. In fact I'm quite passionate that it's extremely relevant.

I've seen so many couples, from the couples I work with in the 101 Day Sex Challenge, to individual coaching clients come back from the brink of major issues to be incredibly happy with each other. But even more than the couple alone being ecstatic to find that happiness with each other, their families begin to thrive. If there are children, the children become happier and better adjusted, the friends and communities also benefit. It just makes sense that not only is monogamy a trend that's not going to go away anytime soon, it can also create a better world when two people are successful in this pursuit.

I would really love to hear from you all in regard to your own thoughts of monogamy. I've created a simple 9 question survey that I would be most appreciative if you'd take the time to fill it out. You can find that HERE. Or, leave a comment and let me know your thoughts. You can also opt to answer the question I've posted "What does a successful monogamous relationship look like to you? What do you believe is the mystery in the truly successful relationships?" I'm all ears, so open up and let your thoughts flow!


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    • HappyHer profile image

      Tracy Morrow 7 years ago from Cleveland, OH

      I agree Don. I think most couples determine if they are a sexual match when love is alive and all consuming. The little issues are overlooked, then later magnified. Typically, most of those issues can be overcome in order to get back to those first satisfying days of not being able to keep your hands off each other. I think it depends on how willing each person in the couple is to make that happen.

    • Don Simkovich profile image

      Don Simkovich 7 years ago from Pasadena, CA

      This is an important topic. How much of a challenge is monogamy, though, for most couples? I guess another question I've wondered is "how sexually compatible are most couples?" And also how does monogamy look in the U.S. versus Western Europe? I think you're right in that most people would prefer monogamous relationships.

    • HappyHer profile image

      Tracy Morrow 7 years ago from Cleveland, OH

      Dreamreachout, I agree with you and it's a shame. Monogamy is not guaranteed, it never has been, but today seems to be more of a disposable society. Let's change that!

      Thank you Thevoice!

    • thevoice profile image

      thevoice 7 years ago from carthage ill

      terrific excellent hub work thanks

    • profile image

      dreamreachout 7 years ago

      Monogamy is best and unparalled but its not guranteed in today's complex world and that's practical!!

    • HappyHer profile image

      Tracy Morrow 8 years ago from Cleveland, OH

      Thank you G! That's one of my favorite pics of us. I agree with your ideas and thoughts, especially the love, trust, respect, and values - oh and friendship, okay - all of them :)

      Being on the same team is crucial, and challenging at times, especially when you have opposing view points.

    • GPAGE profile image

      GPAGE 8 years ago from California

      First of all....what an adorable photo! My feelings about monogamy have a lot to do with some key themes in a relationship. Trust, Love, Friendship, value system, same life goals, and respect.

      Although some relationships do go "off course," there is always a way to bring it back. You just have to WANT it to work. This also takes both people to make it happen. I did hit a crisis in my marriage many years ago and we got through it together. "Together" is the word. Both people in the relationship have to be on the same team with their future in mind. Very good article! G