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Morning Hard On

Updated on February 16, 2011

thoughts playing on my mind

 The man stands in the middle of the dessert. Isolated.
Alone. Lonely. Naked. Unarmed. Confused.

He seeks the light that guided him. The light that shows him
the way. The light that gave him the vision. Alas, it’s gone now.

He is confused. He feels abandoned. Yet, there is this
feeling that it is all his fault….that maybe, he is going blind…He thought,
that the darkness radiates within him…not around him.

He cried and shouted for help…none heard him. Is it that all
are deaf? Or he himself became mute? He doesn’t know.

He began this journey full of joy, excitement, and a clear vision
for the future overflowing within him. ..Like a child given a new toy, his eyes
widened with glee and hope.

But so many things happened. Naïve in the ways of the world
and raised in a place where sincerity, trust, and openness is the rule of the
game, he ventured to this journey. Only to find that he is ill-equipped for the
path that will be traversed.

How many times that he was robbed, wounded, hurt? So many
times. His soul gone tired to count. But he is persistent, he pushed through
until his dying breath.

Cause of pain, he understand not. Maybe, he allowed himself
to be vulnerable. Or maybe he himself caused the pain that killed him. He seeks
for what is not possible. He dreamt for what is not true. He builds a fantasy….and
in the end, he himself suffered.

And now…he dies. In that
desolate dessert he finds himself in his journey.

Yes. He died.

But his dying is not the end. It is the beginning. From his
death comes re-birth. A new man arises. Like the proverbial phoenix rising from
the ashes.

The same he is no longer.

Here, stands a new man…man maybe, but not human. Living without
a heart, without mercy. For he finally realized, no one can be trusted. No one
can help him but himself. This is his journey. Not for them, or not for anyone
else. The prize in the end is for him alone.

His caring soul is gone. His open heart now closed and in accessible.
He is now a monster. Seeking anything to devour. He thirst. He hungered. And he
shall conquer.

He made himself of what he is now against his will, they
made him like that now…but now they shall fear…for he is now the bearer of
fear, of tears, and of desolation.

They created him. and should they stand alone in His path,
no one shall be blamed but themselves.


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