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Should I Break It Off With A Toxic Friend?

Updated on July 20, 2015

Let Go Of Others' Troubles

If you're spending more time complaining about someone instead of laughing about the good times you're having it might be time to reconsider the relationship.

It gets to the point where is it relentless. Time after time you hear about all of the terrible things that happen in your friend's life. It's hard to accept that so many unbelievable situations keep coming up. After a while you don't know what to do. It seems there's not much choice. It comes down to the choice between you and them. Are you happy, or are they?

When things happen and you get to know this new friend better, you'll see how they deal with situations and friends and family. If things are getting along well, you'll start to be proud of them for accomplishing their goals. It may turn out that you're so connected with this person that you actually love them for the great person that they are.

Then one thing may happen and you realize that you don't approve of the way they're dealing with their life. Then another thing happens and you start to think. You think about what you have in common with this person. Chances are, after a while the reasons you're together change. When they do you're not motivated for the relationship the same way you once were. That is, you aren't having the same kind of fun together as you once did.

Things just get to be a hassle. These friends start doing things that seem to get under your skin. It almost doesn't matter what they're up to anymore. You start resenting everything they do.They may constantly borrow your car and never put gas in it. They may room at your house and not pay rent, or forget to tell you when they're leaving. They may be noisy, messy, and just plain aggravating to be around all of the time.

The big thing here is whether or not you can stand what's happening between the two of you. After you decide that, you're in business. You can start to separate from what has turned out to be a "toxic person." You can calmly tell them you don't want to see them anymore, or you can scream it at the top of your lungs. If you feel that you need to be away from this person, you have to do something. You have to tell them. If you want to include the reason you feel this way, do. If you don't, don't. Just do it so you can live with yourself after it's all over.

Answers to your questions about the relationship start to come to you almost out of the air. You start to see things. You start to see that you've been taken advantage of by this friend of yours.You feel anger, loss, and end up wondering about your faith in people. You can move on successfully by seeking out the company of old friends that have been there forever. And, you can reach out to new people and groups designed around a theme. Soon you'll be living a new life, and you'll like it. Wounds do heal.

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    • lisasuniquevoice profile imageAUTHOR

      Lisa Brown 

      3 years ago from Michigan

      Tom,

      I guess if you're in close quarters with people you learn to get along. But, if you have a choice as to whom you're around you might like to avoid those with toxic personalities. It must have been hard to do this on those small ships.

      It was nice to hear from down under today.

      Thanks so much,

      Lisa

    • Tusitala Tom profile image

      Tom Ware 

      3 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      It can take a long, long time before a balance of behaviour is reached between people who live together. This includes such things as who does what around the home of course. My general advice would be - unless you cannot feasibly do it - is to go your separate ways if it becomes really unbearable.

      This is not a step to be taken lightly, of course. For we are learning all manner of good qualities and values by being tolerant, patient and attempting to understand the other person's viewpoint. We grow in proportion to our practical learning of these things.

      My own training comes not only from my fifty-five years of marriage to the same little lady, but six years as a sailor aboard small ships and a stint as an Antarctic expeditioner. In such circumstances one has to learn how to get along.

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