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Moving forward after being hurt in a relationship
How do you move forward once you have been hurt? It seems that this is the hardest time; once someone has been hurt in a relationship, it becomes hard for him or her to trust again. It also takes something out of them, sometimes they begin to look at themselves and wonder what was it about them that the other person did not want, was it something that was done, something that was said?
It is possible to move forward, but the thing that has to be done first is to take time out for you. Honestly, time spent alone is not spent enough and sometimes it is common to actually give too much of oneself to someone else. If you are someone that has been hurt, the best thing is to take time and reevaluate the relationships that you have been in, find out if there are some patterns in the past relationships that you have had.
It is important to look within and see what you are really seeking and why. If you have some bad relationships, take time to find out what is it that attracts you to that person. These are not always easy questions to answer because sometimes its painful to look within, but it is part of the healing process. During this process always remember to love yourself; sometimes after being hurt in relationships loving yourself becomes easy to forget. Loving yourself is importance because it helps you realize and remember your worth.
After taking out sometime for you and I don’t mean like two weeks, give yourself a month maybe even a year. Don’t rush it, just take out however much time that it takes for you to feel confortable. If you decide to get back into the “dating” scene, do not re-enter the scene the same way that you did last time. Try something different and it will be, because now you have a different perspective on relationships, you probably understand yourself better and you know what you want out of a relationship.
When meeting someone that you are interested in, try to develop a friendship, do not just rush into a relationship or even rush into dating. Friendship is important, very important. Being friend helps you get to know each other without having to think about trying to impress each other or the other things that come along with dating. Always be yourself in anyway situation and that should be impressive in itself. If you think about it, when you hear about a couple that has been married for a long time, you usually hear them mentioned how they started off as friends.
Sometimes, the person that you end up with may not even be someone that you started off liking, it could very well end up being someone that you just started off as friends with. While getting to know someone learn about them and really learn as much as you can. What kind of things do they like to do, what are their values? Do they have any kids or have they ever been married? Do they want to get married? How is their relationship with their family? Do they have a job? All of these things are important because in reality you are not going to like everything about the person that you end up with but sometimes have to be in line. For example, if you like to go to church, you may want to date someone who likes to go to church because if you date someone who doesn’t and then end up marrying them that might cause conflict. Now I’m not saying that they person has to go to church, I am just saying when if you know what you want, do not settle for what you don’t because you will have to live with it.
Last but definitely not least, seek God! He knows you better than you know yourself and he knows who he has for you, allow him to always lead you and guide you. Pray for wisdom and discernment when “dating”, ask him to reveal people to you. Remember that your pain is your purpose so take that pain and turn it into something positive and thank God that he removed you from that relationship, even if it still hurts a little.