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Moving on Too Quickly

Updated on October 16, 2019
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Moving on

After a breakup moving on quickly, or at least before an ex, is something a lot of people do. Usually, doing this is only to rub it in their ex's face, it’s a false sense of happiness.

Moving on can be fun in the beginning but when it happens too soon eventually reality will catch up to you. Yes, perhaps it’s satisfying to be the first to ‘move on’ but it can come back around to bite you in the ass.

It's Not a Race

Breakups are most definitely not a race but people tend to treat them like that. They think that if they’re the first to move on in a very short period of time they are considered a winner, that just isn't how it works in real life.

Have we learned nothing from the story about the tortoise and the hare? Slow and steady wins the race — even though moving on is not a race.

So, let’s take a look at people who act like a hare after a breakup and those who are more tortoise-like.

The Tortoise

Those who are more like the tortoise tend to take their time. They would prefer to heal and mend their wounds before they move on.

It might look as if they won’t ever get anywhere but they are far ahead in this ‘race’ because they’re dealing with the pain.

This is a healthier way of moving on but it can be a hard thing to do. However, it is worth it in the end.

The Hare

People who act like the hare don’t usually want to deal with their feelings. Instead, they want to ‘win’ at moving on and the only way they feel that can happen is if they start dating other people.

Yes, it is considered a coping mechanism to date someone new and push your feelings down but that rarely works out to be a happy ending.

Eventually, your feelings catch up to you, no matter how fast you think you’re getting over the heartbreak.

There are no winners

I know it might sound like the tortoise is the winner, but when it comes to moving on truly there are no winners.

Yes, people who deal with their emotions will benefit far more than those who don't but that doesn't make them a winner, it just means they’re smart enough not to go out and spread the pain to other people.

Moving on too quickly can cause a bigger mess than you think. To put it simply:

  • If you don’t process the breakup you can become a bigger mess emotionally
  • You can hurt someone else’s feelings
  • Using someone else to forget your ex won’t work in the long run
  • You’ll compare them to your ex and that will make you miss them more
  • You’ll repeat mistakes if you don’t reflect on your previous relationship and why it failed

So, which will you choose to be, the tortoise or the hare?

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      16 months ago from Chicago

      No one should be dating or entering into a new relationship based upon competing with an ex or having a desire to hurt their ex.

      Having said that not all breakups are the same.

      Sometimes people have "moved on" mentally (long before) they decided to end a relationship. Also the person who wants out has usually given some serious thought about having an afterlife.

      They may in fact had pulled away both physically and emotionally from the relationship several months prior to the breakup!

      Sadly it's possible one person was (already) dating others!

      Short-term relationships and so called "situationships" where people really have not spent a tremendous time together or bonded with each other's "inner circle" are not likely to endure as much emotional turmoil as a couple who was married for several years and have children. Three months/12 weeks to a year is average for most (adult) dating relationships. Usually by the one year mark people have asked themselves questions such as:

      "Can I see myself with him/her for the rest of my life?"

      "Am I happy?" or "Do I like where this is headed?"

      Young lovers/teenagers often have "long-term relationships" from junior high through high school with their "first love". Odds are they overly emotionally invested in someone due to their immaturity and being naïve. Very rarely does anyone find their "soulmate" in their teenage years! And yet we're all guilty of ignoring our parents and other adults who advise us not to get "too serious" with anyone.

      These breakups much like the long-term marriages can be devastating to the person who didn't want the breakup. From their point of view this is their "first love" and the "only love" they have ever known. They can't conceive of a happy future without their ex.

      The reality is when it comes to love and relationships most people (fail their way) to success. Very few people hit a homerun their first, second, third, or fourth time up at bat. If this were not true we would all be married to our high school sweethearts!

      In order to "move on" one has to be willing to "let go".

      That means accepting the fact {the relationship is over} and making a (choice) not to dwell or replay everything over and over again in their mind. A lot of people don't really WANT to let go or move on.

      You're not ready to move on if you're still obsessing over what happened between you and your ex, if you find yourself trolling their social media or keeping tabs on their activity, comparing yourself to their current partner, or engage in revengeful and hate thinking.

      To date a new person with so much "emotional baggage" isn't fair to them. They deserve to go out with someone who is mentally present. Your future lies ahead of you and not behind you!

      If you're allowing your ex to determine/motivate your actions you're not ready to ready to date new people yet.

      Last but not least don't be afraid to (casually date) multiple people. You don't have to "fall in love" or be intimate with everyone you go out to dinner with, see a movie, with, attend a concert, and so on.

      Dating is supposed to be a fun social activity whereby people get to learn more about each other to determine if they want to be exclusive. It's okay to have fun and focus on other areas of life.

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