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Moving In Together -- Should I or Shouldn't - How to Prevent Problems

Updated on March 27, 2012

When a couple talks about moving in together you feel a type of excitement building as they each anticipate what the other person thinks of this idea. You think back to when as a child you played house, decided who would be the husband or wife. What kind of job did the husband have? What would the wife cook for dinner.

In today's world our society has seen quite a few changes in the realm of playing house. It's not always a husband and wife, it's sometimes boyfriend and girl friend, best friends, boy and boy or girl and girl. The dynamics of the relationships are different then they were back in the 70's & 80's. Those, the gist is pretty much the same, if you're in a committed relationship you love each other and want to live together. Or, you are best friends who want some semblance of freedom, so you talk about being roommates.

There have been numerous shows depicting these relationships. However, television doesn't always imitate life. Our lives are pretty basic for the most part, mixed with times of happiness, sadness, real drama and quiet times. Think of the television shows you've watched, such as, Friends, Will & Grace, Full House, The Walton's and many more. They weren't always happy, they had their moments are we will all have ours. However, their lives were scripted and they always knew what was going to happen next.

We don't have that luxury and have to talk about various choices, issues, possibilities, and yes, silly things that may crop up. These are some of the questions that you should ask each other and discuss. Where do you want to live? City or Town? The type of place, an apartment building, a condo, a townhouse or rent a whole house. What is your price range? What can you each afford? What kind of amenities do you want? A dishwasher, garage or maybe a pool. How many bedrooms? Do you want a dining room? A study? Eat-in kitchen? Finished Basement? How about a big or small yard? The following are silly questions but have been known to cause disagreements. How do you want to squeeze the toothpaste or have the toilet paper on, roll over or roll under? Believe it or not there are some people who want it only one way. A friend of mine has her toilet paper as roll over and will tell you if you change the roll to please put it that way.

You have to consider if your best friend or sufficient other has any habits that you would want to change. Do they leave dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is empty? Have you found spills on your counter they didn't wipe up? What kind of housekeeper are they? Have you seen their house or their bedroom? I know that my boyfriend isn't a neat person and if we move in together that is something we would need to talk over. When he makes dinner at my place the kitchen used to look like a bomb went off. From working in a kitchen quite a few years ago I learned the art of cleaning up as I went along. I've pasted those lessons onto him and the kitchen isn't spotless it does look much cleaner. The rest we finish together after dinner is done.

Then there is the Sunday afternoon question related to football season? Are either of you a football fan? Will you watch the games together, plan something else for the afternoon and let your sufficient other watch the games without hounding them? My best friend always find something else to do on Sunday's while her husband is either at the game ( he has season tickets ) or is home watching the game. This decision was handled before they got married because he has always been a Patriots fan. In fact, their son is just as much a fanatic and the same decision was made prior to his getting married. However since they are still in the newlywed stage his wife will watch the games with him. Isn't that sweet!

Another television issue is, do you like the same shows? Will you have two tv's if you don't? Will you both do laundry? Will you each do your own? Who will fold the clothes? Put them away? Who will cook? Wash the dishes? Dry them? Put them away? How will you resolve any issues that might come up? What about temperament? Do either of you have a bad temper? Does anyone yell? Are you both willing to comprise? All these issues and questions should really be addressed and discussed before a decision is made. I've seen relationships fail because the lines of communication weren't open, these questions and topics weren't discussed and the relationship failed. Don't let this happen to you.


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