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7 Best Ways for Sustaining Intimacy and Romance

Updated on July 28, 2016

Generating Intimacy and Romance

Generating intimacy and romance in a marriage cannot occur without both couples investing considerable time and effort into bringing out the newness in each other. Expressing appreciation, inspiration, adventure as well as trust and respect at all times will go a long way in creating oneness and constant.

The lack of intimacy and romance in a great number of marriages continues on a downward spiral. Thousands of marriages all across the nation are on the rocks due to a number of factors, including busy-ness, selfish distractions and unresolved feelings of anger and fear. But the lack of intimacy and romance in a relationship leaves both partners exceedingly empty and searching for fulfillment. As a result, a visit to divorce court could be right around the corner.

A marriage without romance and intimacy is a dead marriage. The purpose of marriage is to create an increasing oneness between each other. Every move and touch becomes more and more significant. Loving deeper and deeper is a requirement for marriages which desire to leave a legacy for loved ones to brag about from generation to generation. I know couples who are well in their eighties whose love for one another is stronger than it was when the couple first met. The obtainment of such great love should be the goal of every marriage.


Greater intimacy and romance in a marriage becomes a model for all the couples who are watching the relationship as well as those who are wondering if marriage is worthwhile. Sadly, in today’s society a trip to divorce court has become an alternative after every little disagreement or lack of feeling for the other person. For example, some claim they have outgrown their partners while others claim in- reconcilable difference as the means for filing for a divorce. Thousands of couples are willing to endure the ups and downs of a marriage. The phrase “UNTIL DEATH DO US PART” has become just an empty and meaningless phrase.

However, if a marriage is going to become a living legacy, a couple must earn it every day. The Disconnection mindset must be eradicated forever. Intimacy and romance must become an ever increasing practice, regardless of off and on feelings. Each partner must speak life into the other for the sake of nurturing and bringing fourth each other’s gifts and talents. Each must become one another’s hero.


The intimacy and romance in any marriage, in which the couple is willing to invest can be greatly multiplied by practicing seven effective rituals. In order to stay committed to these rituals, a couple must release many distractions that may interfere with the growth of the relationships. Distractions such as living on twitter, Facebook, and watching too much sports as well as hanging out with friends must be modified when it comes to growing a powerful marriage.

The Seven Rituals for Sustaining Intimacy and Romance

Write romantic poems

It is alright to purchase a good romantic card once in a while, but nothing expresses the words that come directly from the heart. The sincere words from our hearts allow our loved one to see into our souls where truth dwells

Rating Your Romance and Intimacy

How Strong is the Romance and Intimacy in Your Marriage?

See results

Speak Romantically to the Other

Nothing is more powerful than spoken words. When we speak uplifting, appreciative words directly into the heart of our partner, intimacy is accelerated. Don’t let feelings of inadequacy or shame keep you from verbally giving your heart to your spouse. You don’t have to be Romeo or Juliet. Just be yourself.

Do Dinner under Candle lights

When is the last time that each of you went out for a nice romantic dinner? Don’t just wait to your anniversary to practice this ritual. Do it as often as possible. Rekindle those times and feelings when you first start dating. You must keep that sense of newness stirring in your relationship.

Romantic walks

Spend time walking away from it all. Get away and forget about the daily grind. Take long leisurely walks around the block, in the park or along the beach. You don’t have to be on a vacation to appreciate the beauty of the surroundings near you.

Making Everyday Special

A Week of Romance/Initmacy
Ritual One
Ritual Two
Morning or Evening Walk
Meet for Lunch
Write a Poem
Dedicate a Song
Say,"I Believe in You"
Say," I love You"
Read a Romatic Book
Watch a Romantic Movie
Breakfast in Bed
Special Dinner
Visit Art Musuem
Go for Boat Ride
Visit Church
Sing Hymns

Growing Your Marriage

The greatest gifts you can give to a partner in marriage are kindness and forgiveness, which captivates the heart and soul of an individual and draws him deeper toward you.

Surprise with Gifts

Giving gifts never grow old. Surprise your spouse with that particular gift that you know that will enliven his or her life. You can get an ideal of what your partner wants just by listening to their day to day conversations. You may not be able to purchase that special car or ideal home for your better half, but you can surprise them with the little things such as the watch that he has been talking about or the elegant dress she has been saving up for

A Night in an Elegant Hotel

You don’t have to go out of town to make reservations for a hotel stay. Forsake the usual. Give yourselves a new environment where you can hide-away and watch your favorite movie, go swimming, exercise and have breakfast in bed. Random adventures such as these go a long way in strengthening the quality of your marriage.

Serve the Other for a Day

Pick a day in which you serve your spouse exclusively. Suspend all distractions for that day just to focus on him or her. Refuse to let them do anything. Serve them with all year heart, mind and soul. Play the hero. Rescue them from all their worries and cares. Couples who do this discover what really important thing in their lives is: having the opportunity to love and build up one another in love.

These rituals must become a lifestyle if a marriage is to become great. Once the habit of practicing theses rituals become natural, the depth of love and devotion can only increase. It will be hard to imagine being with someone else if commitment to these rituals are taken seriously.


Read! Read! Read! Nothing is more important than keeping romance and intimacy alive than by reading great books on relationship building. In your readings, you will find people who are going through many of the same challenges you face with your marriage. New ideas and refreshing comes through staying informed about new ideas and findings in marriage enhancement. Remember, the practice of intimacy and romance are top priority in the making of a great marriage. Even when the other partner has slackened in his devotion to the other, one must push through these up and down of marriage in order to rekindle its fire.


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    • no body profile image

      Robert E Smith 

      4 years ago from Rochester, New York

      I found your article a great read! The nuggets of wisdom are there in abundance. I married my bride on Halloween 16 years ago. I made rules for myself that I learned through one failed marriage so that I would at least demonstrate that I learned Something in amongst all that pain suffered.

      1. I learned that intimacy is in physical touch throughout the course of every single day. I had the habit of listening to my first wife while I watched television or listened to radio. Now I "listened" but I did not focus and touch her with my eyes and attention.

      Now if my wife has something to say, I turn off the television. I turn and look at her and if possible I reach out and touch her to establish to her that I am giving her my undivided attention. The TV is off so I will not be distracted. I am holding her gaze so I can give her my very best input or support that she needs.

      2 Also as far as touching (physically) goes I have changed a great deal. The first time around. I only touched her when I thought of it or I wanted something. Now I have to confess, I wanted something more than I thought of it. I communicated that the only time I would make that skin to skin contact is if I was hoping for "the real thing" later. My contact would cost her something. I couldn't understand it then, but I do now.

      Now I was determined to make a physical contact as often as I could. It was misread at first with my wife. But she began to see that I was enraptured with the way she felt under my fingers. I was happy with a slight brush of my hand on her neck or hair. I was constantly touching her every time we spoke. Once she understood that I was truly content with her, exactly as she was and that I didn't have anything I was going to ask in return for the contact, she began to change. She went from a "non-huggy" (her term) person to a person that expected that touch. She looks for it. If I get busy with something she seeks me out to re-establish what we "have always had." At night I will touch the same spot on her arm or leg. She asked me why I was doing that. My reply is that I was "looking at how beautiful [she] is." She said, "but you 'look' at that spot every night. It isn't any different to those eyes you have in your fingers." My reply was, "It always is brand new to me. I want to know you, every bit of you and each day people are brand new, so every day I must look." She just laughs and expects that contact.

      3. The first marriage I did my share of stuff and then I knew it was her turn to do stuff. I noticed when she was not happy but I really just gave her space to "get the bad attitude over with."

      Now, I will not be happy unless I make her smile or laugh before the day is out. I must do a good deed for her a selfless thing. Now I pay attention and can see if she is disturbed by her movements, her body language.

      As you can tell I loved this subject. I hurt so much in my life and I was not going to go through that pain without learning something. I learned that I had a lot to learn. Voted up and awesome. Bob.

    • Theresa Jonathan profile image

      Theresa Jonathan 

      4 years ago from Maseru, Lesotho

      Very good Hub. Marriage challenges are many but most have conditional love problem. We simply do not know how to love the other person without covering up tactics to manipulate and control them. In Lesotho we ladies still have to deal with submission which is a good practice according to how God wanted it. Husbands violate the rights of their spouses and therefore make submission a torture.

    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 

      4 years ago from Jamaica

      Very Nice Hub, Marriage is a sacred Union between a man and a woman ordained by God. One of the main factors in keeping any form of intimate relationship alive is to actually have what i call "Healthy Intimacy". Keep up the good hubs!


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