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Her BF Doesn't Introduce Her as His GF

Updated on April 10, 2010

Dear Veronica,

Thank you very much for your hubs. I've found them a couple of month ago, and really enjoyed the reading. You are very intelligent and very womanly wise writer. I’ve found a lot of answers to my questions. Thank you.

Now, I need and advice.

A man I’m having a relationship with had invited me to the house of his friend. I’ve been told that friend has a girlfriend. I was polite and thanked both of them for hosting us, and the next thing I know that the Friend is married and the Girlfriend is not a wife. The real wife resides in the Friends native country coming to visit her husband from time to time. Girlfriend leaves the house during those visits.

My man is not married and our relationship is young (7 months, 10 actual d ates, because we’re both running the companies), this friend was the first one friend of my man I’ve met.

My question is: Next time we’re meeting his friends (closed, not closed, co-workers, etc.) I want to ask him to introduce me as his woman, so everybody could have a very clear idea that I am his woman. Not “my friend”, “Karen, with MBA”, “Karen, COO of the company”…and now apparently not “Karen, my girlfriend”…

My man knows that ultimately I want to be a wife and I am setting up timelines for every stage.

My question is. How do I put into polite, but explicit words my request either to introduce me appropriately, or go and have all the time he needs to figure out who I am for him.

Thank you very much for your advice.

Karen

Dear Karen,

Your man's friend may be in some kind of an open arrangement with his wife. She may know of the girlfriend, or she may secretly know. It isn't your concern. But while I respect their privacy, it was clearly not right of your man not to explain the situation to you prior to the dinner, as you would be meeting these people.


Because of this prelude, I would be particularly concerned by how your man introduces you. I think you have every right to be concerned over this, and to be clear with what you want.
Normally, I would say not to leave your introductions to others, to take charge and assert yourself, and introduce yourself the way you want. I'd normally say before he gets a chance to introduce you, you should offer your hand and say loudly and proudly, "Hello! I'm (his name)'s girlfriend Karen!"


But because you've suggested there is a cultural element here, plus your man has given you cause to question, I would not go that route in this case. Instead, I suggest to you that you be very clear with him. If I were you I'd say it just before getting out of the car, or just before guests arrive, so there is not a whole lot of time to talk it to death. Right as I was opening the door I would turn to him and say, "My love, I want you to introduce me as your girlfriend, alright?"

Don't let him answer, just open the door. It will put him a little of guard. If he fails to do it, I would speak up and say it. Say, "I'm his girlfriend," right away. This will be a little offputting for him and rather than be corrected again he may introduce you the right way.

If that didn't work, or if he says to you later he doesn't want to introduce you that way, I would be suspicious.

Normally I might have a different more patient take on this. But for him to put you in that situation with his friend and his friend's mistress without clarifying for you exactly with whom you would be dining, he set the stage for a great deal of doubt.
xoxo


This Hub was

written by Veronica for Hubpages. If you are reading it any place else, it has been stolen. All text is original content by Veronica. All photos are used with permission. All videos are Courtesy of Youtube.

Do you have a relationship question? Send it to me, like me take a crack at it.

Comments

Submit a Comment

  • Veronica profile imageAUTHOR

    Veronica 

    8 years ago from NY

    Karen,

    I love a follow up. Thanks so much.

    You've left this relationship with your dignity. You deserve everything you want. Best to you, making it happen.

  • profile image

    Karen_Karen 

    8 years ago

    Dear Veronica,

    Again thank you very much for your advice.

    Just a quick update: I asked my man whether I could spend a Christmas and New Year with him and be introduced to his daughters (grown up kids, live separately) and closest friends. I received a polite “no” answer and “too much work” excuse.

    After holidays I declined his call for a date, and explained that I want to be married eventually, but before making any sound decision I at least need to develop other aspects of relationship, rather than romantic dates.

    That is how I’ve got:

    1) his honest answer that he’s not planning on another marriage;

    2) compliment “It is the nicest way I’ve ever been dumped”;

    3) confidence to move on.

    Thank you!

working

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