ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

My Boyfriend's Best Friend is a Woman

Updated on July 19, 2011

I have been with my boyfriend for 14 years now. For 13 of those years, his best friend has been a woman.

At first I was very insecure about this relationship he had with another female. Our own relationship was rather new when he met her, and they seemed to have more in common with each other than he and I did. I struggled with jealousy. I questioned him endlessly. I was very suspicious of their phone calls, their emails, their outings together without me.

I was lucky enough to have a very understanding boyfriend. He reassured me that he and this woman were just friends and nothing more. He explained that he just liked being friends with women more than men, which made sense to me as he was not your typical "manly-man". He didn't like sports or beer or poker! He would rather watch a romantic comedy than an action flick. He liked talking over a glass of wine. In fact, when I first met him, I though perhaps he was too feminine for my tastes. But as I got to know him, I realized that his supposedly feminine qualities were actually a sign of maturity and intelligence.

However, I still was able to discuss with him the acceptable boundaries for his relationship with his "other girlfriend", as I called her. He agreed with every request without hesistation, which made me even more assured of his love for me and his honesty in all things. I asked that if he was out with her alone, that he would call me every now and then, especially if he was going to be late. I asked that he not share certain personal details of our life with her, although I understood that everyone needs a friend they can talk to honestly in order to gain perspective.

It was also very helpful that my boyfriend's lady-friend was not threatening. She did not flirt with him, did not intrude on our private time, and was actively dating other men. She spoke nicely to me at all times and never ignored me in conversations. She tried hard to be my friend as well, and invited my boyfriend and I as a couple to parties and events. In the end, she actually did become a very close friend of mine and the two of us even did things together without my boyfriend. What a surprise to him!

After several years, we were very pleased to attend her wedding to a wonderful man who also was very understanding of his new wife's friendship with another guy. The two of us, her husband and I, joked about our partners being best friends and shared many a laugh at their escapades together without us.

In conclusion, I believe that not every man can have a woman as a best friend. There is a fine line between friendship and intimacy and it can be crossed very quickly. Trust must be given carefully and a partner's actions must be judged rationally. A woman has every right to be concerned if her boyfriend is spending more time with another woman than with her. That can be a sign of infidelity. Believe in your own worth, trust your gut, and don't be afraid to set boundaries and stick to them!

Who is Your Boyfriend's Best Friend?

See results


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Well done! (Said the dude with six divorces under his belt.)

      As far as I'm concerned, there is no one set of rules that applies to every human on the planet, male or female. Pam (wife #7, 15 years together and counting) didn't have to worry about me going anywhere with another woman--except to work, where some of the night shift truckers hauling water in the Colorado gasfield drilling boom were indeed female.

      A couple of those gals and I got along very well indeed. HOW well? Let's see...there was the time Maxine's Volvo(big rig Volvo, not a car) was spun out on a slick grade, and I helped her chain up. Or the time two ladies had a nasty fresh water spill and...

      ...oops. Almost said too much!

      Voted up a bunch.

    • Bud Gallant profile image

      Bud Gallant 

      7 years ago from Hamilton, Ontario, Canada

      Very insightful hub. I can understand why this would be an uncomfortable situation at first. I definitely think it can work, but requires a lot of trust and transparency. It's good to know that there are situations where this is possible, though I think it's rare for people to be able to deal with that, especially in a new relationship.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image

      Dexter Yarbrough 

      7 years ago from United States

      What a great hub and I really am impressed with the open communication you and your boyfriend have. At first, I thought this was going to be one of those silly-demanding-girlfriends hubs

      full of female insecurity. I quickly found that the initial concerns were legitimate, the boundaries set (and agreed to - this is important) were reasonable and your relationship with your boyfriend and his relationship with "his other girlfriend" grew in a positive way.

      I hope many other young women and men read this hub. You are a great inspiration to men in terms of your ability to be reasonable with his female friend and to women in that when you build a solid relationship based on trust, there is no need to be jealous and suspicious.

      Wonderful hub and I hope to read more from you. Voted up, up and away!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)