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My Dad wants to be a Transsexual Woman
My Transexxual Father
The funny thing about my situation is that I always thought that my family was perfect. I thought that my parents were happily married. I thought that we had all the money in the world. I thought I had the most perfect life. I was so naïve. At the age of 15 I was like all the other preppy cheerleaders in my grade. I was self-centered. I now often wonder how I managed to not notice that my dad and mom were keeping such a HUGE secret from me and my brother. I always knew my dad was more feminine than most dads. But that was just how my dad was. He was a unique guy and I guess I just didn't notice him gradually over a long period of time becoming more and more girly.
I found out in mid October. I have always had a really good and open relationship with my mother and though my father and I didn't have quite as good of a relationship I still always felt that we were pretty close. So when me and my father were having another casual dinner at my favorite food place, Which Wich, and he mentioned that he had been seeing a therapist I was at first baffled. I was wondering why I was just now hearing about this. At the time I still had no clue what his intentions were. during the car ride home I casually asked my dad why he had been seeing a therapist and his hesitation to tell me struck me as odd. We had always been so open with each other. He ended up telling me that I should ask him again when he had more time to explain it. For the time being I accepted that. I had no idea of the extent of what I would find out and how drastically it would change my life.
About a week later I still had not brought up the subject with my father again but I had definatly been thinking about it. I'm the kind of person that hates not knowing things. So I decided to ask my mom because I knew I could get her to tell me since we had and still have a really good and open realtionship. It was nighttime and my dad was out playing poker and my mother and I were laying in her bed watching television when I randomly blurted out, "Why is dad seeing a therapist?" She immediately got that deer caught in the headlights look on her face. At that moment I instantly knew that it was something big and the first thing that popped into my mind was divorce. Divorce was enough to send my heart racing and to get me praying that I was wrong. My mom instantly asked me how I knew that he had been seeing a therapist and I told her that my father had told me and she replied to that that I need to talk to him about it but of course I complained and told her to tell me. When she still refused to tell me I said "Are y'all getting divorced?" All she said to that was, "Julia, sometimes things happen." As she said that the realization hit. I honestly believe that my heart skipped a beat and I instantly burst into tears. Little did I know that that would be the least of my worries.
It wasn't until the next day that I realized that I still didn't know why my parents were getting divorced. So when I got home from school I confronted my mom again and flat out told her that I needed to know because it was all that I could think about. I knew that she understood so she confessed that my dad wants to become a woman and that he has been taking hormones. I admit that at first I laughed. You have to admit that it's a pretty funny situation until you yourself are in it. Then all the questions came to my mind. What's going to happen to our family? that was my biggest question. My mom told me that her and my father were getting divorced because of it and that my father hadn't even told her. That she had found his hormone pills in his bathroom drawer. At this point I wasn't sure how to approach this situation. How should I act around my dad? It hurt me that after 25 years of marriage my dad didn't even trust my mom enough to tell her how he was feeling.
Because I now knew my mom decided to tell my brother who was 17. She then told my dad that I knew and he decided to take me to his therapist's office to explain. When we got there he basically told me that it was not by choice. He told me that he was born that way and that it was kind of like split personality disorder. Part of him was Byron and part of him was Katherine. He told me that he had been feeling this way since January and he also told me that he was depressed as a man and that he had laid awake at night trying to think of ways to kill himself so that we wouldn't know that he killed himself. He said that taking the hormones has made him a lot happier. A part of me was glad that he was happy but the other part of me was wondering, Who is going to walk me down the isle at my wedding? and who am I going to introduce to my future boyfriends? Do I not have a dad anymore? He kept referring to Byron as a completely different person. And what hurt the worst was when I asked him about my wedding he casually replied that maybe my brother can walk me down the isle. Was I so unimportant that he didn't care about being in my wedding?
About a week later my dad moved out. At that point my mom had found out that my dad had lost $70,000 of their retirement funds. My dad also began to dress more feminine. Thats when the divorce began to get nasty. All my mom wanted was for my dad to support me and my brother but my dad began shopping for girl clothes A LOT and he even got his ears pierced, a tattoo, dyed his hair, and began having nail appointments every other week. I don't even get to get my nails done every other week! So basically my dad was blowing all of our money on himself while my mom struggled to pay the bills for our fairly large house. I try to hang out with my dad but I am having trouble adjusting. I have recently found out that my dad is having severe episodes of depression which makes me wonder what is really causing that depression because he had said in the beginning that becoming a woman was what he had needed to be happy and now that he is a woman there must have always been other problems causing his unhappiness. He is no longer anything like the man that raised me and the man that was aways there for me throughout my childhood. He now acts like a 12 year-old girl with a HORRIBLE fashion sense (which is super bad considering that I want to be a fashion editor). I am in no way obligated to see my father but I still feel in a way obligated to see him. I am scared that if I push him out of my life or stop hanging out with him he will begin to think suicidal thoughts again and I can't imagine not having him. But the reality of the situation is that I no longer have a father. I have some strange woman named Katherine that wants to hangout with me and completely creeps me out. Keep in mind that this has all happened over the course of 2 months and that it is still happening. I am still sompletely confused. I don't know if I want to stop seeing my father to protect myself but I also want to in a way protect my father and I know that deep down I am still hoping that he will snap out of it and realize that he is making a HUGE mistake. I'm confused. My dad is being completely immature throughout this whole thing and he is not taking responsibility for anything. I believe that I am grieving the loss of my father because I miss how he used to be. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. I am sooo lost. He now dresses completely as a woman and it is quite common that people mistake him for a woman. He is still not paying shild support and the divorce is REALLY nasty which is really hard on me. I havn't been able to concentrate on school, I used to be a straight A student and I am now failing 4 classes and barely passing the others. I am soo mad at my dad but I just don't have the guts to tell him how he is making me feel. If you have any advice please e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org