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My Ex Is My Next

Updated on January 11, 2014

Volume X


This post started with me listening to Angie Stone's "Back-up Plan" (video of live performance below). According to Angie, a back-up plan is another man you go to in the event things don't work out in your current relationship. Well of course, I don't have a back-up 'man', but I definitely have a back-up 'woman'- my ex.

Angie Stone Back-up Plan

Her Style

My ex is one of the coolest chicks I have ever met. First, she comes from a great family. They are the type of people who find a cause to celebrate life and family every day. They don't let a child's or adult's birthday pass by without the entire family coming together to rejoice. Holidays are just birthdays on steroids for them. The value they place on family is ingrained in every person's heart including my ex. Also my ex is a hardworking woman- so sexy. But even sexier is that when she is done making the money, she doesn't mind spending the money. As a self-professed gold digger, I like that. (We'll get to my gold digging in a later blog.) Lastly, have you ever stood next to someone who you felt truly complimented you? My ex is an immaculate dresser. She could give Jay-Z swag tips. When I walk in a room with her, I feel like the first thing people may notice is that we are a lesbian couple. The second thing is that she is looking good from head to toe. I love going out with her.

But let's not forget that she is my ex for a reason. Remember in last week’s blog I mentioned that I had a drinking problem at a time. Well, you attract what you are. My ex had a severe problem with alcohol also. On alcohol she became a drunken hot mess- staggering about, becoming a little too friendly, and being an absolute embarrassment to the lesbian community. Although she was a hard worker, she was definitely not an educated worker, which was most evident in her speech. As a then English major, that drove me insane? Did I mention that somewhere in the midst of our relationship she became more masculine than many men? When we started dating, she was only masculine when we went to the club. Well, once she came out to her family, she had nothing holding her back from becoming who she really wanted to be. I like feminine women, so that was a definite turn-off. Perhaps the straw that broke the camel’s back was my lack of orgasm. This woman looks like she can put it down, but she didn't even know how to go down. Just recall the growling man from "Waiting to Exhale" who Whitney Houston's character had sex with, that was her.


But we are both very different people now. I don't know that it can work or will work, but if my wife and I should part, I would like to explore my options.

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    • AMarie Jackson profile imageAUTHOR

      AMarie Jackson 

      6 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      In our youth or young adult lives we make lots of youthful mistakes that self reflection allows us to see. If you are privy to that insight and work earnestly not to make those some mistakes again, there may be a change that some one you let go or who let go of you may be able to reunite for a better relationship. In my situation, I do understand that I would be taking a chance to be with her again. And I am not fully committed to the idea that it will work. But I would be willing to try. As for now though, I am happy where I am and this is nothing more than a 'what-if'.

    • Bridgett Pinkney profile image

      Bridgett Pinkney 

      6 years ago

      In my situation, we were friends with benefits and I was still married when we first met. It got serious after the separation, I wanted it to be exclusive and at the time he wanted to still do him. He was man enough to tell me and understood when I made the decision to go on with my life without him. We always had great chemistry in and out of the bedroom, it was just that he was not ready to commit to one woman. In all honesty, I was not ready either. The time I dealt with the fool allowed me to mature and get a better understanding of myself and my boundaries. When they are your ex, there is a reason, whether good or bad.... depending on the reason and the maturity level on you both determines if it will work in the future.

    • AMarie Jackson profile imageAUTHOR

      AMarie Jackson 

      6 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      Alot of people assume that if they are your ex it can never work. According to most people they are your ex for a reason that you shouldnt forget. In my opinion, nothing is that black and white.

    • Bridgett Pinkney profile image

      Bridgett Pinkney 

      6 years ago

      Honesty is always the best policy. Human nature we always find ourselves going back to what felt safe and secure... my ex "the fool" would love to have me back in his life. He had some very great qualities, but at the same time, he did things to me that another man would not get away with.... He hurt me to the core, so he would not be my next... my current man was "the EX" prior to "the fool", so essentially my ex was my next.

      Knowing that he loves me and my kids unconditionally, steps up to do what ever is needed and cares for me deeply. I'm so glad that he was my ex. Not everything is meant to be, a lot of it is a learning experience. We learn who we are when we deal with certain individuals, we also learn how to love unconditionally. The ex sometimes is the best tool for doing so. Personally comparing my ex and my current guy, I know the qualities of both. I know what it is like to have someone that loves you unconditionally and is in it to win it with you. Having someone that knows that you are worth the fight, and will do what ever it takes not to let you ex be your next. Love it!!!!

    • AMarie Jackson profile imageAUTHOR

      AMarie Jackson 

      6 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      What exactly makes it disrespectful, that I don't abhore my ex, that I would be willing to date my ex if this didn't work out or that I think about life without my wife?

    • profile image

      guest 

      6 years ago

      This blog post seems so disrespectful to your wife.

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