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Updated on March 15, 2016

It will be 2 years next month. Wow just the thought of that crossing my mind, gets me still. A feeling of shock comes over me. I shake my head sitting here, typing this, thinking on everything. Who was I to think that losing another piece of my heart after I thought I was fine would happen again. Who would have thought that my life would be shook up again. Losing my first love back in 2007, I thought that was it..... That was the end....

Losing a family member or a friend in your life is one feeling, but losing someone who had your heart completely was another. But I SURVIVED! I gained an Angel - My Angel With Dreadz!

And then there you came... Walked into my life... I remember the first day we met... You tried so hard to play it "cool"... I was the "new girl in the city"... You didn't stop till I gave in... But we went out on our first "date" as you said... Drinks and sports watching on the tubes... Your smile, Oh how I miss that smile...

Day by day, as time went on, you and I became more and more involved... Till you gave me your heart, and I broke down my walls and gave you my heart... We were not perfect... So far from it, but that is what I loved about us... #PerfectlyImperfect

Your family, your girls, I loved them as my own (still do to this day)... That will never change, they are a blessing, you are a blessing still in my life... Despite it all... My heart may ache from time to time because something will come up to where I wish you were there... The tears will fall, but you know what that is perfectly ok... I'm only human...

Days are coming closer, this chapter will soon come to an end, the page will be officially turned and the new chapter will begin...


The trial is less than a month away... It has been a year since I've been out there... Honestly, I'm scared... To hear the details - again... Even now my eyes get teary from the though... I will never forgive myself for not being there with you... I know justice will be served finally... I know a cemetery is just where your body is laid to rest and your soul and spirit is what dwells in each of ours hearts, but still... The man who killed you, I can't say I forgive him... How could I? He caused the cracks that are in my heart now.

I miss you Martin... We miss you... Every day I pray for you... I know you are smiling down from Heaven... I know you are safe... Thank you for giving me amazing memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life... I love you always...

I'm blessed for two amazing Angels... Two amazing men that were just that- Amazing!

"...It seems sometimes the greatest people on earth must endure the most difficult things. That's only because the world itself was harsh enough and they look better in Angel wings..."


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