My Horrendous First Month of Marriage, advice for all newly Weds and all those who aspire to be Married.
My Honey moon was like the sun rising in a glorious Ray of Sunshine. The warmth, the beauty, the exciting sensation. The next month however was like the sun fell flat on top of me.
I made many stupid mistakes in the beginning of my marriage. I was 24 years old, and honestly I did not know much about being married. I had only been in one relationship that lasted more than a year.
I had no experience dealing with a Woman's often changing emotions. I was not equipped to deal with a Woman's sensitivities, and just differences in general.
So needless to say I made a lot of mistakes. Firstly you have two different people coming into a marriage together, and trying to figure out how to coexist. It can be frustrating.
You have a routine already embedded in your DNA, and hers is entirely opposite of yours. You will find out how selfish you really are when you or if you choose to get married.
One of the most challenging things in our society is understanding diversity and unity. How to be different but still unified together. How to disagree without it turning into world war 3. How to accept another persons culture while still embracing your own.
In my first month of marriage I would come home after work and not say a word to my wife.
Without it being said, we know that communication is the key to human relationship. Without effective communication with your spouse, you can be sure things will not go well.
My first month of marriage everyday I would come home with an attitude and had no idea why. I would be fine all day when I was working but as soon as I got home I would be overcome with this nasty attitude.
So everyday I got off work I wouldn't say a word to my wife when I made it home. Can you imagine how upsetting that was for my wife. Here's my wife waiting for me at the door sometimes and I walk in and brush right past her.
The first moth of marriage I was terrible at communication. I could not hold a conversation with my wife no matter how hard I tried.
Looking back now I understand that I made the mistake of following my emotions. Whenever I got off work I would be upset because I listened to my emotions. Marriage will never be successful if your running off your emotions.
At the end of the day we still have freedom of will and have a choice to make. You have to identify the reality that yes I am upset. But I do not have to respond based on how I feel.
Soon I learned to transcend my emotions and not base everything on how I felt but on what was right or wrong to do. Integrity is not an emotion, its a choice to do the right thing.
Regrettably it took a lot of hitting my head on the wall to learn this valuable lesson, but I'm glad I was able to overcome.
In my first month of marriage I would only speak romantically to my wife when I wanted to have sex.
That's as blunt as I can be. I'm going to be transparent and as honest as I can. I would only talk sweet love language to my wife when I wanted our night to end in sex.
And I use the word sex because I do not think that is actually making love. Love does not treat your wife like crap all day, and then at the end of the night when you want some, you start talking all sweet, and when your done your right back to being jerk.
That is not making love that is simply sex. That is treating your wife like a prostitute, an instrument for your sexual satisfaction.
I made the mistake in the first month of marriage of treating my wife less than a woman because I would be rude to her all day and in the night I would become this Romeo.
Like My Pastor told me once, foreplay does not start 5 minutes before sex, it starts in the morning when you wake up and tell your wife how beautiful she is. It's all though the day when your texting her while your working, when your sending her cute love meme's.
It's not 5 minutes before lift off, its all day. A lesson I learned the hard way, but a lesson I learned nonetheless.
In my first month of marriage I was filled to the brim with pride.
In my first month of marriage I was as macho as they come. I would not allow my wife to correct me without getting upset. I was stubborn, self righteous and arrogant.
A lot of men we think if we take correction from our wife that makes us look like a punk but that is the farthest from the truth. A punk is someone who throws a pity party when his wife tells him the truth.
I could not take in correction from my wife in the first month when we first got married, I would swell up with pride.
I had to learn humility. Humility will saves your marriage. Lower yourself down from that mountain. That beautiful Woman is not trying to hurt you she is trying to help you. Humble yourself and listen from time to time.
This is just a few things I learned in the first month of my marriage, and there are many more things I have learned in the last 2 years. I will definitely be sharing that content with you all as well. May my mistakes be a blessing in your life.