My Husband Wants a Divorce But I Still Love Him!
Husband Want a Divorce?
One of the most devastating things you can discover is a note on the kitchen table that informs you that your husband Wants a divorce. It's really bad if you still love him.
The horrible realization that the person that you married has left can cause deep feelings of anger, sadness and confusion. If he left during the holiday season, his sudden departure can compound these emotions.
You may be thinking it would be a good time for a stiff drink. In truth, it is probably one of the worst things you can do as a coping mechanism.
Here is the deal – you need to keep your wits about you right now so that you can make smart, logical decisions during this crisis. He isn't there to talk about what happened and in truth has taken away any opportunity to talk or argue because he left.
What follows are five things you can do in a situation where your husband has walked out on you. These recommendations are not indented to be a complete list but instead, something you can use over the next 24-48 hours to get you through the immediate crisis.
Are you ready? Let’s jump right in!
1. Check on your children
Check on the status of your children. Are they in school? How do you know this? It doesn’t hurt to call your child’s attendance office and verify they are in class. While it may be unlikely, your husband may have a nasty streak and decide to take the kids just to cause you stress.
If your children are at a friend’s house at the time you discover your man has walked out, call the parents. Make sure that your child is actually in their home and that everything is OK.
2. Check the money
This may be the last thing you have the energy for right now but it is vital that you secure your financial well-being for the immediate future. Call your bank (or access your account online) and make sure you have money in the accounts. This is particularly true if you have a joint account.
Do not assume that the money you see in the account right now will be the same tomorrow. There may be bills coming in that are yet to be paid OR your man may decide to withdraw money for his own needs. If your husband is vindictive, he may even have closed the account. Your job at this point is to make sure there is enough money for your survival (and your kids if you have them) for the short-term. Finally on this point, verify that your credit cards are active!
3. Check your car and house keys
Do you have your own car or do you share one with your husband? Now might be a good time to look out the window to see if your vehicle is in the driveway. If it is, do you know where your keys are?
Assuming your car is there, go out to your vehicle and make sure you can start it up. Check the gas to see if you have something in the tank. You are doing all of this because you want to make sure you have access to reliable transportation so that you can get back and forth to work and to attend to errands.
Some angry spouses have been known to disable their spouse’s vehicle upon leaving as a final way of saying “screw you”.
Finally under this point, make sure you have access to your house keys and that they properly work (he may have taken them!).
4. Audit important paperwork
Right now you are understandably upset but you are going to need to make sure certain things are present in your home in order to survive. Here, I am talking about essential paperwork like financial statements, marriage certificates, homeowner’s/renter’s insurance and medical documents.
You may not think your man would be ugly enough to do it but some husbands have been known to hide or destroy what has been mentioned here as a way of hurting their spouse. Remember, your husband just left you – if he would do that, what else is he capable of?
5. Access your circle of support
The final point here is to begin to access your circle of support. If you have parents that are living, call them. If you have siblings, let them know what has happened. Close friends? Reach out to them and share what just went down.
Accessing your circle of support allows you to weather the emotional storm you are dealing with as well as the difficult times that are to come. DO NOT start making phone calls to your husband’s work, family members or others within his sphere of influence. Right now – it needs to be about you and your kids if applicable. There will be time enough to inform these people after the dust settles.
Husband Walked Out?
Has a husband ever left you?
The reasons your husband walked out may be difficult to know. Once you are in a calmer place, there will likely be a few memories that pop up that contextualize the crisis happening in the here and now. This, however, will take time to happen.
If there has been a history of domestic violence between you and your husband, it is extremely important that you pay attention to what follows … the most dangerous time for spousal abuse can be when a husband leaves. The reasons are plentiful, including alcohol abuse, conflicted feelings, pent up anger and resentment.
It is possible right now that you are thinking of getting a divorce. If this is the case, you might want to pick up a copy of Crazy Time by Abigail Trafford.
Inside, you will find page after page of insightful, useful information to assist you with making important decisions. Now would be a good idea to start checking around for a divorce attorney in your area. You can easily find them on Google and through word of mouth. Should you have children, you will need to consider their welfare as part of the dynamic.
If you are concerned about potential domestic violence after your man has walked out, call the domestic abuse hotline at 800-799-7233. If your husband contacts you after he leaves and makes a threat, call 9-1-1 immediately! Be ready to change the locks if necessary.
Finally, now would be a great time to work with a counselor. If you have children, family counseling is no doubt in order.
As stated at the start of this article, this is no doubt a very difficult time. Keep a level head and make smart decisions. What you do over the next 24-48 hours will have a big impact on what happens in the weeks and months to come.
Remember to take care of yourself as best you can and practice the art of mindfulness. Try to meditate a bit to stay calm. You are going to go through mood swings and have good days and bad. All of this is normal and to be expected given the current situation.