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My Marriage is Boring! The Romance Has Died!

Updated on November 21, 2011

I can't tell you how often I've heard those two statements from friends of mine that are married or in a long term relationship.

It's not that anything has "died" it's simply a matter that, as we become accustomed to another person, we get "comfortable" and into a routine that allows the maximum of enjoyment with the minimum of risk in our relationships.

And it's this "minimizing of risk" and routine that makes life and relationships a safe place.

Then, suddenly, the routine is just too much... the excitement of the first couple of months of the relationship is a far away time... leaving one partner, or both, saddened by the loss of that excitement that once was. And angry attempts to kick-start the romance has the opposite effect, one partner is chagrined by the other's attempt to discuss this "loss of romance" that now seems to have taken hold.

There is a quick fix to this relationship trouble, but it's not by talking about it.

I know that when my wife starts to talk to me about the loss of romance in our relationship that, when this happened the first time, I rushed out and bought a nice bouquet of roses and a romantic greeting card. But that was not the solution she wanted from me.

So I read and I searched for what her meaning and need could actually be.

I thought back to the first couple of months we were together and I remembered that I used to tuck little love notes throughout our apartment, professing my love for her, my sadness of being away from her. I would bring home small gifts for her, a greeting card, a favorite chocolate bar, just something small that let her know I was thinking of her while we were apart.

And it was these small romantic gifts and thoughts that has stopped coming to her. She didn't miss them at first but over time she became resentful of not being thought of in a special way. In my mind that never happened but in hers it was as if I was taking her for granted.

A very bad thought to occur to her, indeed!

Now I know better. I have begun to leave lovingly romantic notes for here again. When I am out I think of her and look for a special inexpensive gift for her. And, most important, I let her know that I also want her to do the same for me.

The romance is back... maybe not "sweep-me-off-my-feet" movie romantic, but real heart-felt love. Romance that endures.

So if you want to complain that your marriage is boring, the romance has died in your relationship, take a good look at yourself and think what you have been doing to keep the romance alive.

And write now, write this on a piece of paper:

"I love you and I want you with me, right now in your thoughts and later in your arms."

This will be the beginning of the rekindling of your romance. You have to take the first step.

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    • profile image

      Ranhia 2 years ago

      LOL, no, not LOL, no, not yankess prsiae the Lord! But you do always add the garlic, we just do it in this step. We can coung to three for sure! Thanks for watching.

    • R Pseudomen profile image
      Author

      Robert Lee 5 years ago from Canada

      Hi Bernie,

      No offense taken. The reason I have my "smiley eye" is to begin conversations about health and eye care.

      The eye isn't just a "window into your soul" it's also a gateway to understanding your health.

      Have an eye exam every two years, perfect vision or not.

      Cheers!

      RP

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      Bernie Lowmax 5 years ago

      shit I'm sorry, from the small pic it looked like a fake image. my bad.

    • R Pseudomen profile image
      Author

      Robert Lee 5 years ago from Canada

      Hi Bernie Lowmax, I lost my eye to cancer last year. http://myocularmelanoma.com

      The humor is not lost on me though, it's actually a "happy face" prosthetic.

      RP

    • profile image

      Bernie Lowmax 5 years ago

      I read the article. but I don't listen to zombies. Fix your eye then we can talk. lol

    • profile image

      Bernie Lowmax 5 years ago

      I'm a player lol

    • R Pseudomen profile image
      Author

      Robert Lee 5 years ago from Canada

      Hi Jj,

      Did you not read the article and understand the point I've tried to make (and I thought that I did a good job with it!)?

      Romance takes two but someone has to step up.

      Having been in the situation that I wrote about I know that if you wait it will not happen.

      Guys, you need to step up!

      RP

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      Jj 5 years ago

      What about them? What is women's responsibility in all this?

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      LillyArnolds 6 years ago

      This is so sweet it actually made me cry, thanks for the article

    • R Pseudomen profile image
      Author

      Robert Lee 7 years ago from Canada

      I agree... and should read all my other hubs concerning advice for men!

    • RVDaniels profile image

      RVDaniels 8 years ago from Athens, GA

      Great Hub. Every man who doesn't want to be alone all his life should learn this lesson.

    • profile image

      Isaura 8 years ago

      Well said and thanks for the article...I have forwarded it to my husband!

    • R Pseudomen profile image
      Author

      Robert Lee 8 years ago from Canada

      I think that if you read the article correctly, long term, life long relationships are not a "sentence" but a completion of an ideal life goal.

      Your attitude is one of "using women" then dumping them when they no longer fit your "ideal multi-partner" relationship mold.

      You cannot share "true intimacy" with any woman when you base your relationship goals as superficial dating, whether you can date only for 2-3 years then quit her.

      As for your last statement, is dating 2-3-4 females a week booring? I'd have to agree, that would not be boring, but it cannot be truly rewarding, since there isn't time for any true intimacy, just, maybe, sex, and that isn't the answer to this article or to the quest of a satisfying, deeply rewarding, intimate and romantic relationship with a woman.

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      mrpersonality123 8 years ago

      Why do you think infidelity is alive and growing. Can't always rekindle a deep yearning for excitement. Also by being with the same female forever, it is like a "social prison sentence" ..........

      always the same person to be with and always one gripe or another.

      I'll take the single life, living by myself and continually have long term relationships with not just one famel, but 2-3 always, and this goes on for years at a time with each.

      Now tell me, being intimate with 2-3-4 females a week is boring? I don't think so.