- Gender and Relationships»
My Marriage is Boring! The Romance Has Died!
I can't tell you how often I've heard those two statements from friends of mine that are married or in a long term relationship.
It's not that anything has "died" it's simply a matter that, as we become accustomed to another person, we get "comfortable" and into a routine that allows the maximum of enjoyment with the minimum of risk in our relationships.
And it's this "minimizing of risk" and routine that makes life and relationships a safe place.
Then, suddenly, the routine is just too much... the excitement of the first couple of months of the relationship is a far away time... leaving one partner, or both, saddened by the loss of that excitement that once was. And angry attempts to kick-start the romance has the opposite effect, one partner is chagrined by the other's attempt to discuss this "loss of romance" that now seems to have taken hold.
There is a quick fix to this relationship trouble, but it's not by talking about it.
I know that when my wife starts to talk to me about the loss of romance in our relationship that, when this happened the first time, I rushed out and bought a nice bouquet of roses and a romantic greeting card. But that was not the solution she wanted from me.
So I read and I searched for what her meaning and need could actually be.
I thought back to the first couple of months we were together and I remembered that I used to tuck little love notes throughout our apartment, professing my love for her, my sadness of being away from her. I would bring home small gifts for her, a greeting card, a favorite chocolate bar, just something small that let her know I was thinking of her while we were apart.
And it was these small romantic gifts and thoughts that has stopped coming to her. She didn't miss them at first but over time she became resentful of not being thought of in a special way. In my mind that never happened but in hers it was as if I was taking her for granted.
A very bad thought to occur to her, indeed!
Now I know better. I have begun to leave lovingly romantic notes for here again. When I am out I think of her and look for a special inexpensive gift for her. And, most important, I let her know that I also want her to do the same for me.
The romance is back... maybe not "sweep-me-off-my-feet" movie romantic, but real heart-felt love. Romance that endures.
So if you want to complain that your marriage is boring, the romance has died in your relationship, take a good look at yourself and think what you have been doing to keep the romance alive.
And write now, write this on a piece of paper:
"I love you and I want you with me, right now in your thoughts and later in your arms."
This will be the beginning of the rekindling of your romance. You have to take the first step.