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My Wife Is Depressed - How Can I Help Her?
My Wife Is Depressed
Marriage is meant to be enjoyed by both the husband and the wife. However, there can be periods in certain marriages where a wife can suffer from depression. This can dampen the spirit in the marriage and make a husband miss the fun and excitement every marriage should have. .
What can a husband do to help his wife if she is depressed?
Let us look at a few things a husband can do to cheer up his spouse who is living with depression and anxiety?
Let Her Cook and Bake
A study conducted by Tamlin Connor, psychologist at the University of Otago in New Zealand, suggests that cooking and baking can make one feel happier..
Therefore, cook and bake together with your wife. Choose to cook meals from foreign countries and from distant continents so that you can breathe some novelty into your marriage.
As you cook the meal, engage her in interesting conversation. Talk to her about some of the wonderful ways she has been a blessing to your life. Tell her about the ways she has influenced you to become a better person. Moreover, remind her of the fact that you think she is a wonderful wife and mother. This will help to lift her spirits and make her feel good about herself.
Exercise With Her Often
Research shows that exercising can help one fight depression. It helps the body to release “feel good” releases chemicals which help one feel positive about himself and about life, thereby helping a person to combat negative feelings and thoughts.
Therefore, encourage your wife to exercise with you every morning and evening. Give her an incentive to serve as a motivation so that she will be enthused about exercising. For example, promise to take her to her favorite travel destination during the summer or promise to buy her favorite dress if she exercises continuously for six months.
Here are a few exercises you can do with her:
- Take her to a field and do brisk walking there. Hold her hand and walk together. Be playful and make it fun. Tickle her, crack jokes, and lighten the atmosphere there so that she will enjoy the activity.
- Challenge your wife to walk up and down the staircase in the house quickly for about ten minutes every weekend. When she is able to meet the target, take her out to her favorite restaurant.
- Make her swim regularly. Take your wife to a swimming pool and swim with her.
- Do long distance running on Saturday morning. Tell her she looks sexy in her running clothes to encourage her to do it.
- Encourage her to cycle around your neighborhood with you. Put a prize on the activity. For example, promise to cook that day or to do the laundry, if she agrees to go cycling with you.
- Do aerobic dancing with her in your bedroom as you play her favorite hot tunes. As you dance with her, affirm your love for her and appreciate her great body. Let her feel great about herself. In addition, break from time to time to show affection to her. Kiss her or hug her so that she will feel loved and wanted.
Make Her Dance
Dance With Her
Research shows that dancing can help one to feel good about himself or herself. So, take her to events where she can dance. When it is time to dance, grab her hand and lead her to the dancing floor. Provide leadership, take the initiative to get into the dancing mood, start moving your body to the rhythm so that you can influence her to also move her body to the music.
Alternatively, organize parties at home every weekend. Invite her work colleagues, her friends, and her family members so that she will feel she is in company she knows well. Let her cook her favorite meal for he visitors. Then, after the meal, play her favorite songs and encourage her to dance with some of her male colleagues and friends.
Encourage Her to Feel Grateful
Research shows that when a person is grateful, it can help him or her feel happier. Therefore, remind your wife about all the things she has to be grateful for every day.
- Remind her of all the women in the world who are not as fortunate as she is—women who are single and lonely, or who don’t have jobs or a house to live in, unlike her. Let her see that she is blessed and privileged to have the life she is living now.
- On weekends, sit down with her for about two hours and encourage her to express her gratitude. Let her talk about 50 good things that happened to her when she was a child and encourage her to feel grateful about those events by beginning her sentences with “I am grateful for...”
- At the end of every day, have her write down 50 things she is grateful for on that day. Then let her read the list to you. Then remind her of some female friends or relatives of hers who are suffering or going through hard times. Tell her she should feel blessed and happy that she is not suffering like those other women. She will see that her situation is better than that of others and that will help to cheer her up.
- Encourage her to make positive affirmations every day such as, “I am privileged to be healthy. I am blessed to have children and a loving husband. I can see, I can hear, I can walk. I am grateful for all these.”
Let Her Do Gardening
Do Gardening With Her
A study conducted in Norway showed that gardening can help people who are depressed to improve their mood. So, get your wife to grow some carnations, Chrysanthemums, daisies, cabbages, egg plants, carrots, or beet. Every day, ask her about how the plants are doing so that you can sustain her interest in the activity.
Every morning, help her to water the plants as you say words of motivation to her so that you can put her in a positive mood for the rest of the day. In the evening too, ask her about how her day went as you help her to water the plants.
Get Her a Parrot
Research shows that pets can help people deal with depression. So, buy her a pet. One pet you can get for your wife to help her deal with the depression is a parrot. This is because parrots can be very amusing at times, especially when they try to talk. It can listen carefully to the words you say and replay some of them to you later.
So, at a time when your wife is feeling down, the parrot may say something funny which your wife said a day or week earlier. This may make her laugh and that will cheer her up a bit so that she can forget her cares and burdens.
A Pet for Your Depressed Wife
Would you get your wife a parrot if she gets depressed?
Go to Church With Her
Research shows that going to church often can help put a person in a good mood. Therefore, encourage your wife to go to Saturday or Sunday worship. Help her to organize herself during the week so that she will have no excuse to miss church on Saturday or Sunday.
Therefore, help her with the household chores. Moreover, help her to take care of the children as well shopping so that she can find time to prepare for church. In addition, keep reminding her of church service during the week so that she can prepare adequately. Take her to Wednesday services as well.
As she listens to the inspirational songs the choir or worship leaders will sing, as she hears the testimonies of people who have survived terrible experiences and who have, by God’s grace, moved on, and as she listens to the sermons and socializes, she will see that her situation is not a peculiar case. It will help her to feel better.
Read Bible Verses to Her Every Day
Sometimes a person gets depressed just because he or she has fears. The fear of nuclear war, of being attacked by criminals, of losing a job and so on can make one depressed. The antidote for fear is faith in God.
If your wife is depressed because of fear of the world condition, the security situation in your neighborhood and so on, help her to strengthen her faith in Jehovah.
One way you can do that is to read the Bible to her every morning and evening. Read the stories of people who also suffered depression, such as Moses (in Numbers 11), Elijah (in 1 Kings 19), and Jonah (in Jonah 4), to her.
Discuss how these people dealt with their situations. Let her write these strategies down so that she can apply them to her situation. Every day, go over these strategies with her so that you will remind her about things she can do to get out of her situation.
Furthermore, read inspirational quotes or motivational verses from the books of Psalms, Isaiah, and Jeremiah aloud to her every day, especially those that deal with fear. Make sure she is paying full attention when you are reading the verses so that she can appreciate the words and relate them to her situation.
Then, discuss what you read with her. Remind her of God’s love for her and your love for her. Let her know that God will protect her and so she has nothing to fear.
In addition, let her avoid watching or listening to the news. Instead, let her watch movies with happy endings and music with encouraging lyrics so that she will be encouraged.
Pray for Her
God has healed many of all sorts of diseases, including mental illness. He can heal your wife too and help her to have a positive outlook on life. Therefore, pray for your wife every day so that God will help to lift the spirit of gloom hanging over her.
You may pray a prayer such as, “Dear God, I thank you for the life of Ama. I thank you for giving her to me. Father, my wife is depressed. Ama is not a happy woman and that is affecting our marriage. I want her to be happy so that I can enjoy the marriage. Please drop positive thoughts in her mind when negative thoughts are troubling her, just as you dropped a positive thought into Daniel’s mind when he was troubled about the fate of Israel. Strengthen her like you strengthened Elijah when he got depressed when wicked Queen Jezebel was seeking to kill him, and how You strengthened Moses when the people of Israel got angry with him in the wilderness and wanted to kill him. Amen.”
If your wife is depressed, you can use a combination of proper nutrition, exercise, healthy hobbies, entertainment, positive social influences, and spiritual influences to make her feel happy so that you can enjoy your marriage.
© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio