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My little story with MY MAN/ ooops Lab Partner
If. . . If I were the rain. . . that binds together the Earth and the sky, whom in all eternity will never mingle. . . Would I be able to bind two hearts toget
The sky wasn't looking so promising. It was pouring rain like all heaven was about to fall over my head. I heard lightening and thunder all over the place yet i was determined to walk straight up to him and just get it all over. I mean i have been tortured for years now and i couldn't just walk up and say it to his face. What was so hard with telling one guy that you liked him? Was it because i expected too much out of him or was it because women come from Venus and Men COME FROM ELSE WHERE? Yeh, i remember it clearly. It was raining that day and i was determined to tell him how i felt." My own lab-partner " or at least to him i was his Lab partner when in fact i wanted him to be my LIFE partner. I was his partner in chemistry lab yet i have always yearned to be his life partner. Maybe i was insane just like Linda said, by the way Linda is my ONLY Sane friend who told me this can turn out to the worse case scenario. And i felt my heart beat with every single step i walked to his dorm room. ANd i swear i felt the whole earth tremble beneath my feet as i set course to his world. And i walked with the rain cutting my cheeks and the treacherous wind trying to hold me back from what i believed in and what i have wanted desperately to take in as my own. And every single step i played various scenarios where in he would take me in his arms and claim me his, just like that i made up these little tingles of dreams and hopes in my head hoping that all these hopes and dreams wouldn't burn or even fade out. And by the Heavens' what was going out that night. It was raining as if the whole nature was against me. And though i set course to make things right, to mend my heart, and listen to love's call, i felt in retrospect that i was going to see something i was not prepared to. A dark feeling surrounded me as i approached his place. Maybe, and now i believe it was like a vision or just a warning. I walked up took a deep breath and closed my eyes one more time trying to gather the remains of the courage i had wasted while walking to his dorm and knocked. Maybe i should have taken a cab and spared me the misery of a terrible bugging conscience. And i counted ONE , Two, THreee. The door opened and i could see him wrapped with that little towel of his on his waist, hair wet and draped over his body reaching his back. And i gasped. "Jane ? you know this is a really bad time right?" his voice trembled" I thought that tingle or hesitation i heard was because he was nervous but then i felt my stomach turn and demand to throw up all what i had consumed in the morning (and that would be an apple a nescafe JAR, and a sneakers bar) And i heard that voice that pierced my heart and shattered by dreams "Micheal who is at the door? Does your visitor know what time it is?" And then i saw HiM coming out from the bathroom with his short hair all spiked up and one tiny towel around his waist as well. He was beautiful, with all that blonde hair and eyes like Ronan Keating , and i felt i wanted to cry and scratch his eyes out . And i felt betrayed, deceived and so low i just swallowed my tears and said " I just wanted to say that I-" and i gasped. "you what?" he said so called as if the scene of me almost crying didn't affect him "I- " and i choked up with the words " i want you to finish the lab report for me coz am leaving town tomorrow" "oh, of course don't worry. Take care" "bbbye" i said in a shaky voice and head to the stairs And yes i didn't say what i came for and thus all was lost in the wind just like a butterfly that burns and leaves nothing but ashes that resemble its mere existence.
Maybe i should have said what i really wanted to say even after the Truth. Yet i has always been a coward at heart and by birth. I have had no courage to spare him that night yet maybe fate spared me the pain and humiliation . Maybe, who knows. It was the past yet the past haunts the presents and never lets you find peace. And as a human being you can't help but thing about the WHAT IFs? or the maybes! How about if we lived in another world would he even see through all that?
And yet after years, i still remember HIM & him (both) yet i never knew what he saw in HIm and not in Me. How come the heart chooses what it wants yet never what the brain wants?