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Second time around

Updated on January 12, 2017
GARH608 profile image

My road to a better me. It was a tough journey. Tougher than any that I have ever been through. I know it isn't over yet.

This picture has been already framed by his mother and placed on her side table.
This picture has been already framed by his mother and placed on her side table.

It continues....my life

His parents were surprised to hear that I had already met their son before. I was about 17 years old. He was about 12. (Yes, I'm older, but his bout with a childhood ailment, which I am sure ages a person, started at 2 years old, vs mine, which started when I was 4.) Anyway, our first meeting, took place at a friend's house, who happened to be one of his neighbors. I was there auditioning for show choir, or the school musical, during my senior year of high school, because this friend had a piano for me to practice with. The young 12 year old boy came over to ask my friend for old newspapers for his boy scout troop. My friend was quite rude, and sent him on his way. It wasn't hard to recall meeting him way back then. Despite a minor crimp in his left wrist, he has no other issues of Cerebral Palsy. Now that we are dating, I found out that he had to have lots of physical therapy to get to the place that he is today. Some that suffer from cerebral palsy get around by wheelchair. My boyfriend needs no such assistance. Many people know him in the community, as his father was a cop, and had saved a young boy's life back in July of 2000. (Plus, his father was also the Assistant Manager or Supervisor at General Motors.) My boyfriend is just that memorable at his own job as well. We cannot go anywhere where he will not be recognized. He was too young to have remembered meeting me. It was a pretty brief encounter, to where I just peered around the corner of the door. However, considering the kind of person that I am, a person like him is very hard to forget.

We met online, again, early 2015. However, we found that we had a mutual friend, who really wants to see us get together. Later, he found out that he went to school with my two younger brothers, in which he knew both. Therefore, it became easy to bring my boyfriend to my nephew's 9th birthday party, which actually turned into his father's small high school reunion.

When I tell people how my boyfriend and I initially met, people seem to think that it is fate. That we were meant to find each other again. His parents have opened up their home to me, to the point where if I am working in that area and there is inclement weather; they let me stay at their house. They have been quite supportive of our relationship. I have even met his two brothers, and two sisters, and many of his nieces, nephews and great nieces and nephews, where the majority live in different states. My boyfriend has no children of his own. However, he was married once, as was I, and he looks forward to meeting my three children.

It is hard to believe that we have now been together for over 1 3/4 years. I have even introduced my Lab/Pitt mix to meet him (and his parents) and their two dogs. One in which is a Beagle. My dog, Angel, listens well to my boyfriend's father, just like she listens to my father. We went out for a bit, and left Angel with his parents, surprisingly, Angel just laid on the rug by their fireplace. They had no issues with the breed that Angel is.

After we had the colored pictures taken that are enclosed with this hub, we walked out of the building and saw a diesel truck with SGC on it. How ironic that those would be our initials if we are ever to get married. S for his first name. G for my first name, and C for his last name. Again, many signs point to a match.

Second time down the aisle

In the beginning, I didn't feel that a second walk down the aisle would be for me. I mean why put yourself through that torture - giving someone else the power to hurt you again. Is it really worth it, after being in two relationships 2 years after my divorce?? In which I am now sure BOTH these relationships ended because they cheated on me.

The first relationship was a guy who didn't even know his paternal grandparents names. Which made me think, what kind of parent would do this to a child? I found out for him via ancestry.com, and when I told him the information, he was surprised that his mother had named a family pet after his paternal grandmother. His mother died of breast cancer. His stepfather had abused him, and his biological father died of liver cancer, due to alcoholism. Both his biological father and stepfather had been in the military. It is, apparently, obvious that bad family relationships could mean not so good values?

The second relationship was with a man who had been through two divorces. Now, he does not care about anything. We recently got into an argument about the money he still owes me. We were in a parking lot, and he started yelling at me, a vehicle drove by and the guy inside shouted, "Don't yell at a woman like that!!" (Thanks....men like you are a treasure.) My ex-boyfriend said, "shut up dick." During our conversation, something he said makes me believe that he is using his 24 year old girlfriend (He's 44.) They are supposedly "engaged," but he implied that the relationship would not make it to their wedding date. He now has set the pattern of raising the women up, who he is in a relationship with, then he watches them fall, crash and burn. It's sickening. He cut ties to his parents. (Again, his father and stepfather were both in the military.) He says he has no support. He does not see his "fiancée/girlfriend" as support. I am glad that it only took 3 months to get over this. He has no intentions of changing. Glad that he is no longer my problem. However, I feel sorry for all the women that get involved with this. I wish I can warn his "fiancée," but she will have to learn her own lesson. However, men like these should come with a warning label.

I am just like most human beings who just want to believe the good in people. The way my grandfather taught me. The way the teacher that taught me English, taught me. However, that time is gone. It is obvious that I always have to have my guard up. Putting yourself out there again is hard enough without having to deal with the repercussions afterwards. In this way, I think women are stronger than men. There just appear to be more broken men out there than there are broken women. Or do women just find a better way to mend their brokenness than men do? However, it is unfair that subsequent women have to pay for the fault of the ex-spouses. Which tends to be what happens with dating during middle age and after divorce.

However, my new guy refused to give up on me. He wanted to continue our relationship no matter how I, initially, felt about getting remarried. He said, "you will eventually care again, and when you do, I will be right here, when the mask falls off." I said, "Really? What if it isn't a mask? What if I am turning into stone?" As soon as he entered my life, my life started changing for the better. My boyfriend just sounds like the place I need to be. Some people would call that, home.

He's very sweet. After my car accident, I called him from the hospital and he was right by my side. He got there before my father did. When my father got there, he sat there talking to my father, while I was falling asleep due to pain medication, which means my father did not scare him off. Nowadays, my father says, "you should have me meet the guy first, because I can pick out an a$$ a mile away." He has not said anything bad about my current boyfriend. Despite the fact that he was adopted and does not know any of his biological family, he has values from his adopted family. He is okay with not knowing his biological family. However, needing to know about family health is what prompted me to get the birthday gift that I did. We got more information about his health and DNA.. Finding that he is also related to royalty. His ancestry is, by far, the most interesting that I have ever seen yet.

However, it is difficult. These three men are all different people. I certainly see the differences in who I can trust and who I cannot. There aren't many people that I trust anymore. It is a more hateful world than it was 40 years ago. This shows how society can in fact change a person. People may try to not let society change them, but it happens. No matter how much I wish it wasn't so, it happens. While I just sit back and try to remember my 4 year old self attending my father's youngest sister's wedding with my father, (My mom and brothers stayed in the States.), having a grand old time dancing with my cousins. I walk, fighting a battle. I look up to my ancestors, wishing life were what it used to be. Knowing that I have to be stuck in reality, just like everyone else. What I have been taught is no longer what is.

So I try to move forward to a simpler life....

From what I hear, a second wedding has become pretty much anything goes, with the exception of a veil. I, for one, do not plan to forgo the color white. They, now, say that the color white stands for joy, not purity. However, there are some changes that we do plan to make. We are writing our own vows. We are saying, "no to, "here comes the bride," and are searching for other music. We are searching for a very special location. We have a few places in mind. It will be very informal invitations. Don't really want anything flashy. We have both been down this road before. We have the season picked out. This time, my father will not be giving me away. However, we will still have the father/daughter dance. My first choice would be to have my only son walk me down the aisle. My second choice would be where I will walk halfway down the aisle and my groom will meet me halfway, and we will walk the rest of the way to a circle of family and close friends. Which is fine. I'm going to enjoy the beautiful location, and fall season. Just the way that it is meant to be enjoyed. However, I'm sure this wedding will be bigger than my first. (Of course, I still want it smaller.) On his side of the family, we have someone that can marry us. Someone that can make the cake. Someone that can take the pictures, and a D.J. All I can say is, WOW!! I, actually, just met his parents 13th great grandchild, two more are on the way.

We actually went to look at engagement rings and wedding bands. Sterling silver or white gold. Past, Present and Future. Because that is what we have, a glimpse of a past, present and future together. When people hear our story, they feel that destiny has played a part. For me, it is hard to forget a young lad who battled the challenge of cerebral palsy at the age of 2, and won. He is an amazing inspiration, which is something this world needs more of.

In August 2016, he took me to the casino, which I had never been. We had a great time, plus dinner. He also surprised me with a promise ring. Never had one. It's a beautiful piece, and OF COURSE, he knew the person that unlocked the case to show us the rings. (Seriously, I cannot take him anywhere. If he is that memorable to me, it isn't too surprising that others find they remember him as well.)

So, if my children ever see this, I hope one day you will give him the chance to meet you. He's been married, but has never had children. All he wants to do is get the chance to get to know you. My nieces and nephew already adore him. Especially the youngest. He likes to make her laugh. It's a beautiful sight. He is actually better with my (current) youngest niece than my ex-husband was when my nephew was young. My boyfriend was the type of uncle that played with his nieces and nephews. One in which developed childhood cancer. Now, she is all grown, with children of her own. I am guessing that there are more success stories in this family to be heard and had. I cannot wait to be a part of it.

Silver Dollar City Old time photo
Silver Dollar City Old time photo

Dress Browsing

I found out just how much it sucks to go wedding dress shopping by oneself. My mom, usually, babysits Monday thru Friday, and today everyone went back to work, while I had off. Therefore, I figured I would go and look. I even got measured, so I can shop and order online, if need be. I only tried on two dresses. However, I was there for awhile because they were pretty crowded that day. The lady that helped me looked familiar. I think she was the same lady that I rented a lavender prom dress (in 10th grade), and a fuchsia coronation dress (12th grade) from. Both dresses that I tried were ivory, instead of white, and tea length. (I am really not interested in having a train, or veil for that matter.) They were nice, but more expensive than I really want to pay for a second wedding dress.

Our first trip

We finally had a couple days off together. Which doesn't usually happen often. However, we decided to, FINALLY, take a trip to Branson. Where we had this old time photo taken. It was one of my favorite things we did that day. We went to the Hard Luck Diner, which is a place to eat that has singing waiters and waitresses, who sing the oldies. It was a great experience that I never got anywhere else.

Silver Dollar City was also something we did on our last day there. I have only been there twice, and this time, I, actually, saw MORE of the actual Silver Dollar City, and saw not one ride. I got to try Apple Butter Chicken, which was delicious. We got some jars of honey butter and homemade breads for my parents to try. My dad appeared to enjoy that, very much. (This honey butter is a huge hit with my boyfriend's father. He has finally found the information that he needs to order honey butter by the case.)

I am sure that we will be going to Silver Dollar City again, if we ever have a few days off at the same time, as he and his family have season passes. We plan to have our pictures taken again, but this time, in another theme. They have Civil War, Western, Gangster, Victorian, 20s flapper styles, Prairie....and so many more. There was a group of people. a couple of places ahead of us that had 17 people in their picture. They were doing a special anniversary picture. Something fun. Like I tell my boyfriend, I am VERY photogenic. His parents and my parents both enjoyed the old time photo. We will, most likely, have an old time picture shrine in our home, when we do marry.

In conclusion

Life is full of surprises. (Like when you find a single red rose on the passenger seat that you are about to sit on. Yeah, he did that. He also knows how important ancestry is to me, and he gave me a Christmas ornament with the Canadian maple leaf on it. On the very same day that I went over to share with him the results of his own DNA test.) Which his maternal haplogroup is quite impressive. The things that one can find out that raises a red flag to the very condition that he is inflicted with. The gift of ancestral information is the best thing that I could have given him on his 40th birthday. I am glad that his adoptive parents were supportive in my doing so. My hope is for us to both live healthier so we have a longer time together. For 28 years, I remembered him. At that time, it was only because of the condition that he was afflicted with, because I didn't know much about him then. Obviously, there is much more that made me remember him all of these years. I am just along for the ride, and am following the path of my soul, because my heart and mind have betrayed me before. (with a$$ one and a$$ two.) Hopefully, there won't be anymore bumps.

To all the women out there, be weary of close minded men. They tend to have an expiration date on all of their relationships. It is disappointing. It doesn't matter their age. My current boyfriend is the youngest that I have ever dated. Apparently, the childhood ailment makes him wiser than them.

Yes, I do compare other relationships to the relationship that I have today. We both do actually. Because it reminds us of our previous bad choices of a significant other. It shows us that we have done better for ourselves. That we want to continue to better ourselves. It increases us to build each other up. We end with compliments such as: "No girl/guy has ever done that for me before." "You're amazing." "How did you know?" "Where have you been all my life? I would have been this successful much sooner." All of this builds us up. It increases our confidence when we are each doing the thing that we do best in the world. You have to set the bar somewhere.

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