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Marriage: To Do or Not to Do

Updated on April 21, 2017

Get married if you want to

I'm not against marriage, in general. If people want to get married, they should be able to. Whether they are a man and a woman, man and man, or a woman and woman, they should be able to get married if they want to. I'm not against anyone getting married.

But for me, I'm not terribly excited about the possibility of me ever getting married. I would love to meet someone and be in a monogamous relationship with that person, but I don't feel any need to have a wedding to make it super official. One day doesn't change the nature of the relationship. It only changes how other people view it.

I could be convinced to have a wedding, but never one in a church. But it would take a lot of convincing, but I would not fight it tooth and nail. But I would fight tooth and nail to have one in a church.

When's a good age to get married?

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Why bother?

I don't see the need to spend the time and money to get married to re-confirm a relationship that I'm already in. If I'm in a committed relationship, that's it. I don't need to be the center of attention for a day to show how much I care for another person. How much I care for someone is demonstrated by the way I am and what I do in the relationship. A marriage is meaningless to the nature of the relationship.

The only thing that gets changed are the names of the two people involved.

Maybe, I'm failing to see some indirect worth to marriage, but to me, it doesn't change much and it's lot of money to spend that could be better spent on actual important things.

But I could be convinced to get married. I'm not discounting the possibility of it at all. A lot of girls are still committed to the idea, and I'm not against it to the point where I couldn't manage to go through one day and some legal changes to make a girl I'm with happy.

If I were to get married, I do have some preferences to the event.

Never in a church

Both wedding wedding ceremonies I have attended have been in a church and have been pretty formal events. Both ceremonies were in churches, and the receptions were held elsewhere. They both went fine. There wasn't anything noteworthy that happened at them outside of what would be expected. My biggest issue with them is the fact that they were really boring for me.

Part of the reason is that I don't like "party" type situations, dancing around many people, or unstructured time with a lot of people is likely for me to have me a good time. That is probably a big reason why I didn't enjoy those weddings.

If I were to get married, I would never want to be in a church. A church is too boring, too traditional, and too religious for me. Being an atheist would make me not want to get married in a church, in general, but outside of the religious reason, I would want to get married somewhere more exciting.

So where then?

There are a lot more exciting and interesting places to get married. The woods, the ocean, the beach, a park, a special building. I don't know. I think it would be cool to have a small outdoor wedding at some nice and quiet place.

I don't have any big plans or ideas for my ideal wedding because I'm not worried about having one for some time. There's not much point in worrying about a single event when I have much more important things to worry about in my life now. It's like planning my retirement out right now.There's not much point in doing that since I don't even have a job yet.

But the where for me isn't even that important. It's about the other aspects of the setting I will have to deal with.

The other settings of the event

I would get overwhelmed if there was a lot of people at the ceremony. I don't see much point of have very many people at all there. I don't like most people, so I would just want to have people that me and my significant other get along with. There's no point to invite people that could create problems or raise my level of stress during that supposedly happy day.

I would much rather have a friend or friends read the vows to us instead of some holy person, I have been around churches and religious people enough. I don't need one to insert things about their god or any of that shenanigans. Doing that will only take away from the event itself.

I have no idea how many people exactly. I don't think the actual number is important. What's more important is that there isn't a lot of people and the people that are there are people we both want to be there.

It may upset my family if I don't want them to be there, but I feel like they would be more upset about the breaking of the traditional way or marriage. I don't much care for tradition, so I feel no need to honor it or keep doing it, if I don't to.

The time frame of marriage

I don't see any reason to rush to get married when I'm still young. A wise teacher said that no one should get married until they are 27 and not have kids until they are 30. Although, numbers that are set like that tend to only have opinion backing the logic behind promoting them, I agree with the idea of waiting to get married.

If I'm with someone when I'm 22 and we want to get married, I would hope we are going to be together until we are 27. If not, then it was smart to wait to get married. There's less pressure and less financial entanglement when two people aren't married. It makes no difference when two people get married. It's the social norm to get married when you're young, but that doesn't make that norm right or something to strive for.

I think it's something to avoid.

Young people are more likely to get divorced

Young people are more likely to get divorced, so there's really no need to rush into anything. People who are around my age are for the most part still learning about themselves and developing as people. Being married to someone can be a difficult thing to maintain when both people are continuing to grow and change.

According to Bureau of Labor Statistics, 58.4% of marriages of people aged 15-22 end in divorce. This is the highest of all age groups measured. The overall rate between all groups is 43.1%.

People aged 41-46 had the lowest rate out of all the groups measured with a divorce rate of only 10%.

The age range that was measured was 15-46.

Link to the whole article is linked to the right of this capsule.

So it seems that the statistics would suggest the waiting longer to get married increases the likelihood of said marriage not ending in divorce. There are probably a lot of factors that causes the statistics to read as they do, but I do believe a big factors is the collective and relative immaturity of younger people. Immaturity in who they who and want they really want.

I believe a lot of young people give in to the pressure of trying to emulate older people at a younger age, when they don't need to. A psychologist would be the best person to explain why this happens because it's a phenomenon that happens a lot. I remember my brother copying me all the time when were growing up, and, man, did it bug the crap out of me when he did.

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    • thunkfulthinker profile image
      Author

      Jim 3 years ago from Ohio

      Littlecat2013,

      That sounds awesome.

    • littlecat2013 profile image

      littlecat2013 3 years ago

      I agree with pretty much everything you said. When my husband and I got married we didn't want to have a wedding at all. Neither of us is religious and we both felt that living together in a committed relationship for 5 years made us married in every way but legally. Marriage is a state of mind and you don't have to stand at an alter to be married. We did it only so our relationship would be seen as socially acceptable in the eyes of our family who are very traditional in their views. We had the wedding outdoors in front of a lake and an atheist friend of ours got ordained to marry us on the internet. We wrote the ceremony ourselves and made it comedic with the Dukes of Hazzard theme song as part of the wedding march.

      We did everything to break tradition and redefine the rules of what a wedding should be. I even kept my name instead of taking my husbands and if we have kids the girls get my last name and the boys get his. People get caught up in following traditions and believe they are rules they have to follow. What many don't realize is that they can think for themselves and do whatever they want in life to be happy.

    • thunkfulthinker profile image
      Author

      Jim 3 years ago from Ohio

      Thanks for reading!

    • natnickeep profile image

      Natasha Keep 3 years ago from Kansas city, Kansas

      I agree it's all paperwork really. Have been with my partner 15 years and still not married, but he's my husband..we have two children, I don't care what anyone else thinks.

      There are a lot of cases where being married is important, like if something happens to your loved one, or in my case getting insurance while being a stay at home mom. That paperwork is sometimes important, but not to confirm the relationship at all.

      If people are going to get married, I'd say at least wait 2 years into a relationship and don't be afraid of divorce if you ever find yourself unhappy.

      Great hub :) Thanks for writing!

    • Lori P. profile image

      Lori Phillips 3 years ago from Southern California USA

      Perhaps the concept of marriage will be considered old-fashioned. An antiquated notion of love. Marriage has outlived its usefulness in a time when there are few moral and financial reasons to commit oneself to just one partner for life.

      As for the health of the relationship, marriage alone brings challenges. People's expectations of a married partner are different from the expectations one has of a boyfriend or girlfriend. Oh, marriage is a complex institution, indeed.

      However, people will still want to be married in order to secure an exclusive partner.

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