Perfect Things To Say When You Are Wrong
LIKE . . .
- MY FAULT
- DIDN'T KNOW THAT
- WHAT? MY MISTAKE?
- WHAT BILL?
- YOUR BIRTHDAY?
- I MESSED UP
- OH WELL, MY BAD
- MAYBE I WILL DO BETTER
LET'S GET ONE THING OUT OF THE WAY . . .
I am not perfect. You are not perfect. Even the world we live in is not perfect. Let's face it, guys, God is the only perfect being. And honestly, women are not that far behind our Creator in this description. Now do not get overly-righteous on me here. I am just quoting facts as they hit my mind. Question (to the men only) "In all your dealings with your wife or girlfriend, how many times was she wrong? And how many times were you wrong? I thought so. I am not saying anything new here. Just stepping to help myself, along with our male readers who, like me stumble on our own words. Feet. And judgements many times on the road of life.
Let's start from the beginning . . .
Okay. You have found the 'girl of your dreams.' Or you are dreaming about 'the girl of your dreams.' Then suddenly, out of nowhere, you fall in love with her and she becomes your wife. Your soul mate. Loving companion. And all is rosy. Peaches. Cream. Paradise all of the time. Then one evening, after a tough day at the office, you walk through the front door, and soon you are greeted by your loving wife that you left at 8:30 this morning with a pretty smile on her face, now that has changed into a cold, glaring stare. At you. Chills race up and down your spine. What do you do first? Let me guess. You make the mistake of opening your mouth and blurting out, "Uhhh, what did I do wrong?" You should have just smiled, and said, "Okay, dear. I know you are upset. And in all probability, it was something I done or something I neglected to do. I am sorry. Blame me," and maybe your wife would have calmed down.
But you didn't. You get all defensive and let your male bravado kick-in and then it's on. One heated word leads to another and soon, you are spending a cold night with no blanket in your one-car garage smelling Sherwin-Williams house paint all night long. But you could have been enjoying some good loving from your sweet misses and sleeping with her in your king-size bed with those deep, soft and cushy comforters you got a Sears last year on sale. And this is your fault, guys.
LET'S TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT
why men in general, get busted
by wives or girlfriends . . .
- LACK OF LISTENING
- NOT WANTING TO LISTEN
- MEN BEING MEN
- ONLY HEAR A WORD NOW AND THEN
- USES HALF HIS BRAIN TO LISTEN
- SEES MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL ON TV WHILE WIFE IS TALKING
These eight, simple tips, if used, would make you and I, great companions to our wives and girlfriends and I wouldn't have to write the rest of this story.
But I am doing this for "our" benefits...you and I, men, for we have to face certain facts about women . . .and here they are:
- WOMEN ARE MORE INTELLIGENT
- WOMEN ARE MORE AWARE OF THEIR SURROUNDINGS
- WOMEN ARE GREAT LISTENERS
- WOMEN, ALTHOUGH HARD TO UNDERSTAND, HAVE GREAT COMMUNICATION SKILLS
- WOMEN HAVE EXCELLENT COPING SKILLS
- WOMEN MAKE GREAT MANAGERS, LEADERS
- WOMEN CAN ASSEMBLE FACTS BETTER THAN MEN
Hey, guys. Don't go and get too harsh with yourselves. This is no way for us to correct the overlying problem of 'us,' menfolk, who are always messing up. Screwing up things. Stumbling on our words. Feet. And the expensive end table your mother-in-law gave your wife, her daughter, on her 39th birthday. Welcome to "DumboVille," guys. That's it. We are all the doofuses that our wives say that we are unless something is done. Quickly. And right away.
Remember in the above fictitious example of how you came home only to be glared at and given a cold shoulder by your wife for something you had done. Or not done? Well, don't blame yourself. Blame me. I hadn't wrote this story for you to read before you came home. Otherwise, if you had taken the time to read these sensitive, crucial, workable "Near-Perfect Things You Can Say When You Are Busted"--by the wife or girlfriend, you would be smiling. At peace. Sitting down to a delicious dinner. If you had just read (and followed) the things below:
1. DEAR, SORRY IS NOT ENOUGH. I ASK YOUR FORGIVENESS FOR ME BEING A MAN.
2. YOU ARE RIGHT, HONEY. I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU ABOUT 50 MILES BACK AND TAKEN THAT WILDERNESS SHORT-CUT.
3. DID I MESS UP AGAIN? SURE, I DID. I AM A MAN. AND MEN ARE PRONE TO MESSING UP. FORGIVE ME, DARLING.
4. I WISH I HAD BEEN BORN A WOMAN. I GET TIRED OF MESSING UP BEING A MAN.
5. NO ARGUMENT, DEAR. TELL ME HOW "I" CAN FIX THIS?
6. YOU ARE RIGHT, DUMPLING! I SHOULD HAVE WAITED IN LINE AN EXTRA FOUR HOURS FOR THOSE EARRINGS YOU WANTED. I JUST PUT IN A MERE 14 HOURS, SORRY. JUST LET SKIP DINNER, SHOWER AND I WILL GO BACK TO THE MALL AND WAIT UNTIL THEY CLOSE IF I HAVE TO,TO GET THOSE EARRINGS YOU WANTED.
7. YOU BET, I SCREWED UP. WHAT CAN I SAY, BUT WOULD YOU ENROLL ME IN SOME NIGHT-CLASSES FOR MEN TO NEED HELP TO JUST LIVE?
8. YOUR MOM WAS RIGHT. YOU MADE A HUGE MISTAKE WHEN YOU TIED THE KNOT WITH ME. WHAT A WOMAN OF WISDOM, YOUR MOM.
9. ME? NO, I AM NOT A GROVELING, PANTY-WAIST. IAM TELLING THE COLD TRUTH. YOU WERE RIGHT DEAR. I WAS WRONG. AS USUAL. SO WOULD A NEW SUV, 2 WEEKS CRUISE HELP YOU TO FORGIVE ME?
10. YES, I AGREE. YOU NEEDED TO MARRY 'SALLYS' HUSBAND. HE DOESN'T MAKE AS MANY ERRORS AS I DO.
And guys, there you have it. Or them. Ten working. Sensitive. Humble things you can say the next time (not a matter of if) you get busted.
After all, male friends, we are just the mere, fleshly-mortals in the kingdom of mankind. And all we can do is pray, work, and hope that at some point, we can understand fully, how easy it is to just say, "You are right, doll, I was wrong."
What a great place our planet would be.