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When He's Just Not That Into You

Updated on May 11, 2019
EvieSparkes profile image

Evie Sparkes is a published novelist, content writer and company director from the UK.

Chasing is a Mug's Game

When he's just not that into you.

Chasing after a man is much like chasing after a bus wearing high heels. There's a very real probability at some point on the journey you're going to fall flat on your face.

We've all done it. Love can make a fool out of the very sanest woman. If you're a man reading this, then I'm generalising here. Maybe you've been on the receiving end, or maybe you've been the crazy person.

I'm speaking from a female point of view here. It's all I can do, I am one.

I've seen friends do it and thought; what are you doing? He's no where near worth that sort of shame. I would never do such a thing. If a man isn't that into me, then who cares, not me? Yeah right.

When Your Ego Won't Accept The Obvious

Nobody wants to be in love and not loved in return. It makes us feel rubbish and who wants to feel rubbish? So we convince ourselves that they do love us really, or at least they like us, really, really like us.

Our ego won't let us let go, it won't let us rest. It wants to confirm the fact that we are special, we are beautiful, desirable, and who wouldn't love us? It tries to convince us that he's just playing hard to get. He's probably thinking about us all of the time and dying to say the L word but waiting for us to beg him first.

Once you've taken that leap, there really is no coming back. I know a lady who tells every man she dates that she just wants to be loved. Men have their shoes on and one foot out of the door when those words make their way to their brain. Once there, that's it. Those words are lodged for good and they will never become dislodged. You will be forever, that stalky nut job they once dated.

If you're already there, then don't worry. I can tell you that any man running in the opposite direction is not for you. When you find the one, you won't feel the need to say those words to him. You'll somehow know and feel a sense of calm. We only say things like that to unattainable men.

He's Just an Idea

It isn't love in most cases. It's infatuation and the promise of something that isn't real. He's an idea, not real life.

The thing is, when we decide he's the one, we miss other opportunities. We can only see him. He's everything because he once used the word love. But once is a reflex action, not a statement of his intent. He got carried away in the moment. You looked especially pretty that night and made him laugh. For a fleeting moment he thought you were really the one. Only he got home, had a cup of tea, watched an episode of Game of Thrones and forgot he'd even said it.

When He Stops Calling

He was lovely and complimentary and everything. He promised he would call and then he didn't, because well, he just forgot. He can't understand what you're upset about. The thing is, he probably did just forget. There probably wasn't anything else going on. That's okay though, you'll arrange to talk another time instead. You know he just couldn't be arsed really, but you tell yourself you're being silly and anyway you don't want to go all loopy and scare him off.

You forgot how amazing you are. You forgot that you are clever, funny, hilarious even, beautiful and yes, completely loveable.

You tell your friends and they tell you he's not worth it, you're better than that. You can get any man, who does he think he is?

Take comfort in the fact that we've all been there. You are not alone, you are not crazy and there is a one for you, just not that one. It isn't even his fault, not really. He can't help it if he's just not that into you. He's just too scared to let you go completely incase you are actually the one after all and he loses you for good.

You will at some point get that moment, the one that tells you to wake the hell up. Relationships should be about mutual respect. He can't have you for his back-up plan. You are nobody's consolation prize. He can't go all cold on you for days on end and then appear like he was never away. You deserve more than that. remember you are all of the above stuff. He was lucky to have you and now he doesn't.

Remember him fondly and feel bad for him because he doesn't have you in his life anymore. Put him in a box if that makes it easier. Not literally of course, but that might be an idea, hmmmm.....;) Tell yourself if it's meant to be, it will happen, but not until he's woken up to what he's lost.

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    • EvieSparkes profile imageAUTHOR

      Evie Sparkes 

      12 months ago

      Thanks for your comment. It's a shame that we can't ignore the mystery, but we all want to be the one to solve it!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      12 months ago from Chicago

      "Our ego won't let us let go, it won't let us rest. It wants to confirm the fact that we are special, we are beautiful, desirable, and who wouldn't love us?" - So true!

      You could stick a woman in a room with five men and have four of them drop to their knees extending their heart out towards her while the 5th guy sits in a corner sipping a cocktail act as if she does not exist. That will be the guy she wants to get to know!

      He's seen as being a "mystery" "challenge" or someone who will make her (earn) his attention and affection. Women love to be with men they have to "figure out".

      Love that comes (easily) is worthless. Instant "friend zone".

      Everyone has heard the cliché: "Nice guys finish last."

      However has anyone ever heard of the LONELY "bad boy", "player" "jerk" "a-hole", "narcissist", or "gangster"? No!

      Do you think that is a coincidence? NO!

      “Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us."

      - Ellen Hopkins

      I believe a lot of women during their (youth) go through a "bad boy" phase where they want to be with cool edgier guys over "nice guys". They also aren't comfortable with guys who put them on a pedestal. After all their parents, siblings, and best friends don't treat them like that. As one woman recently posted on a similar article; "Women want to be with human beings." So called "nice guys" often come across as "creepy" or they act as if they're "entitled" simply because they have shown kindness.

      Generally people don't change unless (they) are unhappy.

      After a series of heartaches and betrayals is when most people start reexamine their mate selection process/must haves list.

      They also get tired of competing with other women over guys.

      It's too bad the price for confidence/self-esteem is youth.

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

    • EvieSparkes profile imageAUTHOR

      Evie Sparkes 

      12 months ago

      Well Said. It's just as well we're not all the same Farrah!

    • Isivwe Muobo profile image

      Farrah Young 

      12 months ago from Nigeria

      Good writeup, however, I have a slightly different opinion. Would I go after a man if I liked him? No and only because that's just the way I'm made.

      Do I think it's wrong for a woman to go after a man she likes. No; she should if she has the guts.

      There are no exact laid-down rules for love and what seemed silly at the beginning just might turn out to be great in the end.

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