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- Romantic Intimacy
Nuggets Of Wisdom About Love, Life And Confidence I Wish They Would Have Taught In High School
"Nobody Told Me There'd Be Days Like These." - John Lennon
I'm 40 years old. I look pretty good for my age, even though I'm riddled with gray hairs. Men in their 20's proposition me for salacious flings. I'm tempted. But I know better. For me.
I can't help but wonder what fun I'm missing out on. After all, I do like a good roll in the sack.
There are a few words of wisdom I've learned in my four decades that I consider "nuggets" or treasures. Gold in their words. Most young people don't understand them. That's understandable-- I wouldn't have either. I was too busy changing diapers, catering to a needy husband and studying the housing market in my 20's to care of such things.
"Youth is wasted on the young." - George Bernard Shaw
Aside from being the latent cougar, I take pride in sharing (and finding solutions for) the obstacles of life, love and finding yourself as my new found career. You see, I was a lost, stay-at-home mom for most of my 15 years of marriage. What I gave up was more than my pride, dignity and youth. I was also a creative journalist who envisioned a career of writing fiction novels, following in Stephen King's footsteps.
"Written in the stars, a million miles away, a message to the main. Seasons come and go, but I will never change, and I'm on my way." - Tinie Tempah and Eric Turner
Well, since my divorce (and three kids later), I still have passion for writing, but now I'm leaning more toward J.K. Rowling: a woman of inspiration, a single mother, and an icon. Oh, and I can illustrate, too... should I say Beatrix Potter instead?
"Why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so Rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you've lived so cautiously, that you might as well not have lived at all." - J.K. Rowling
See what I mean?
So here I grant you all the nuggets of wisdom (well, not all, but some) that I've learned in the school of hard knocks (and a few from relationship experts... after all, they do know a thing or two).
- Take things slow. That means relationships, marriages, financial decisions. Haste makes waste in every angle. Don't try to poo-poo this knowledge with one in ten thousand odds of couples who beat all odds by sleeping together the first night and stayed married for 40 years. Look at the 999,999 people (women, I should say) who had their hearts broken by the one night stand fantasy. And might have picked up an STD to boot.
- Don't put all your eggs in one basket. That means for people dating.... see multiple prospects, and determine what you do and don't like about someone. Don't obsess about one person you like (especially if the feeling isn't reciprocated). For married folks: diversify. Be independent of your spouse, and look to build your own future. You really never can count on anyone but yourself in this world, so take care of the one you (should) love the most: YOU.
- Don't take rejection personally. Whomever doesn't call you, or respond to your calls is losing out on your greatness. Their loss. Next.
- Don't settle... for anything. Not crumbs of attention, affection or appreciation. Not for someone who has no chemistry with you, nor someone who only wants you on your good days. Or good lays. Or good phase... you get the picture.
- You need to see tragedy to appreciate little things. Or appreciate them even better. Without having my heart go through the meat grinder, I never would have understood how precious my time is on Earth, how futile it is to wait for people to change, and that my needs are even MORE important than those I love.
- Don't wait for people to change-- find someone who is right for you at the beginning. I wasted so much time thinking my good qualities would eventually "rub off" on my ex. To this day, he's still a liar, cheater, manipulator, and thief. I'm scared to withhold the right amount of tip to my server. You see how you can totally be off with your match? Try to find a good combination of compatibility.
- You are perfect just the way you are. I know, there's like a million tunes by Beyonce, Christina, and, I don't know, Celin Dion? that tell you about how awesome you are-- no need to change to please someone. Well, yeah. They were right. Oh, and Gloria Gaynor: you were right. I did survive.
- Ladies: use protection. Hence child #1. I'm sure many out there can relate. Men think with their "little heads" in the heat of the moment. Don't listen to a little head.
- Fairytales are for fiction. Live your REAL life. Yes, I got burned by the "Cinderella Syndrome." Look: get a job, have friends, have a social life, make mistakes, and anyone that comes along should be a bonus to your "awesome life." FYI: Did you see any Disney movie with a follow up 30 years later? Ariel would be home alone with three half fishes, paying for bills with trinkets she finds in dumpsters, and Mr. Wonderful would be dining out with his new wife who is 20 years younger than Ariel, and owns land on the moon.
- Live within your means. Not just financially, but in every aspect. Look for mates who reflect what you offer. Don't go too high or below what you are yourself. Resentment is an ugly monster, and is fed by inequality. When both partners can't contribute to growing equally, there's a huge disparity. Don't let the black vortex of confusion swallow your love.
"Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy." - Benjamin Franklin
"Live with no regrets. Laugh insanely, forgive quickly, love deeply." - unknown