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Should a Wife Confront the other Woman?

Updated on September 10, 2017
Mary Florence profile image

Mary Florence has been a freelance writer for over 5 years and she enjoys writing articles on general topics.

Do you agree that the wife should only confront the other woman if she is the wife's friend or relative?

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What wives should understand about the women dating their husbands

Well you thought that World War II was the last war but World War III happens daily among womenfolk. The war between married women and mistresses never ends. From physical fights to homicides and assault. Every single day.

There is no girl who dreams about being a mistress in future. All we read were fairy-tales about being rescued by a knight in shinning armour or a prince and being happily married happily ever after. We therefore never imagined that we would one day be fighting the 'other woman', there is no fairy tale with such a scene.

So what does it mean when a man is involved in an affair?

  • The other woman cannot be blamed

This is the one thing that most wives do not want to believe or accept but that's just how it is. The mistress could have seduced and enticed the man. She probably knew he was married and he might have tried to put her off but still the blame lies with the man entirely. The mistress is not a party to the marriage. She did not make any vow to her. And even if she is married to then that's her business with her husband.

Most wives sink into denial when they realise that their husbands made a choice to be involved with the woman. They make all kinds of excuses to enjoin the other woman in their woes. They imagine their husbands could not have willingly cheated on them. But in as much as the mistress has hurt the wife for being involved with her husband she does not owe her anything.

  • Attacking the other woman is a bad idea

Most wives underestimate the other woman. Some imagine that they could attack the mistress and they do but the mistresd fights back so the wife gets injured. Others do succeed in attacking the other woman only to end up in jail for years.Some get killed.

Confronting and attacking the other woman opens a whole episode of disrespect. The wife would have proven to her that she's relevant and she can make that wife's life unbearable. Some mistresses can bully a woman into distress and despair. The last thing a wife should do is to make herself familiar to the other woman. The wife could be angered by the fact that the other woman does not respect her marriage but she ought to remember that the other woman does not owe her anything.

  • She does not know what her husband has been telling the other woman

She could end up losing both her self-esteem and her husband if she keeps on defending what she doesn't know. Men can say the nastiest things about their wives just to make the other woman feel like they are better than the wife.

So the wife is out there on a war text with the other woman when suddenly the other woman sends her a screenshot of the conversations her husband has been having with the other woman. She ends up feeling disrespected, betrayed and demeaned.

The best way to deal with the other woman is to make her feel irrelevant.The wife must never ever try engaging herself in conversations with the woman unless she wants to include her in their marriage.

  • The man's wooing skill is out of the world and she could not resist

He probably enticed his mistress until she gave in. Women like good things and turning down a man who brings such nice things to them is almost impossible. Everyone likes gifts and being treated right but unfortunately the person doing all those nice things could be married. A wife cannot expect a woman to turn down goodies but she should expect her husband to be loyal enough to her to not make such advances.

  • He probably has several mistresses

Most men having affairs engage in a series of them. Most wives imagine that their husbands have only one mistress and sometimes that is the case but sometimes he reay is involved with multiple women. For such men the plan is to stay married yet still have fun on the side with as many willing women as they can in what is normally referred to as 'married but available-MBA'.

The wife should know the type of man she is married to inorder to understand the mistresses. If she is married to a serial philanderer she should know that she cannot tame him and she should not expect his other women to tame him for her. He's her problem.

  • He could be co-parenting with his mistress or mistresses

Nothing can keep a man from raising his child if he so wishes and the husband probably got himself into affairs and has to secretly co-parent with the child's father. Unfortunately some men do not know how to co-parent without sexual intercourse and so the wife has a lot to think about when she finds out what's really going on with her man.

  • She probably does not know that he's married

And that's the main reason why some wives contact the other woman - just to find out if she's aware that the man she's involved with is married. Some men are either single or married depending on who's asking. Sometimes when the other woman was sincerely unaware that the man was married she might leave him although some don't. In fact some already have children by such a liar and cannot imagine being single mothers so that's how a wife ends up with a co-wife. Sometimes the cheat goes on ahead and commits bigamy because he intends to live multiple lives.

In conclusion, the person all wives should blame is the person they made vows with. She might imagine that the other woman should have behaved a certain manner, should probably have been decent enough to stay away from a married man. True, but she still does not owe the wife anything not unless she is the wife's friend or relative. But all in all, the wife should confront the root of her problem, namely, her husband.


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    • Mary Florence profile image

      Mary Florence 8 months ago

      Thanks a lot for your comment. I like everything you have stated. I also agree with your point about blaming the other woman if she has special links with the wife and that's why as I conclude this hub I bring in the exception to the rule as "...but she still does not owe the wife anything not unless she is the wife's friend or relative."

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 8 months ago

      Excellent points!

      When one discovers their spouse is cheating they must decide whether or not it's a "deal breaker". In other words are they going to end their marriage. Fighting someone else over the fact that your mate (chose) to betray you makes little sense.

      If they hadn't hooked up with him/her it would have been someone else. Cheating is a conscious intentional decision.

      "The other woman cannot be blamed" - Not necessarily true.

      There have been incidences where the "other woman" is the wife's sister, cousin, or "best friend". Clearly under those circumstances "blame" can be spread around. Essentially the wife has been betrayed by (both) people.

      However confrontation does not change the fact that something happened. Ultimately it is not a "solution". At best it may offer someone short-term personal satisfaction or ego gratification.

      Anger is the Mask that Hurt wears....

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      If someone cheats on you they don't believe you're special.

      The purpose of fighting or confronting is to protect something or someone from a threat. However when it comes to cheating the person who took a vow or made a promise (chose) to break it.