Be Still My Beating Heart! What Happens When You Fall In Love?

Now, my mother always had this saying, it goes like this 'It's the feeling you feel when you get the feeling that you haven't felt before!' Only in my case, it is a feeling that I haven't had for ages and I don't want it thanks. No way. Go away. Never again!

I only went into the Pizza Hut to get, well, a Pizza! That's all. I thought it would be the safest place on earth. Fill my stomach with food, and go on my way. yeah right! You know in those old films when someone is slurping on a Cocktail, dabbing at their chin and then suddenly across the room Adonis suddenly appears, and all thoughts disappear out of your head, the film goes into slow motion and stupid music starts playing? Yeah? Well, I had forgotten about that feeling. You know, That feeling! The trouble was that I wasn't slurping on a Cocktail I was dribbling down my chin. Yep, that's me, Miss Ladylike. It was the Coca Cola's fault. The lid came off just as I was about to tip it up and drink from the lip of it. So there I was, in my old jeans, sitting in the Pizza hut, minding my own business when HE arrived. Now, I don't know if you are aware of this, but if you start feeling a feeling that you haven't felt before, or at least not for a long time, it takes a while for it to sink in. To start with, I thought I had indigestion.

I started looking for the anti peptides or whatever they are called, don't quote me on that, and suddenly I felt something start to flutter in my chest. That's it, I thought, heart attack. I am going to the great Pizza Hut in the sky with Cola down my front. Then my stomach started doing the jig a jag. What the hell? This was swiftly followed by the sweats. Now I recognised these. I have suffered from these for years for one reason or another. Now I was on safe ground. It's my Thyroid playing up! Thank goodness for that.

So I took a deep breath and carried on drinking, well slurping. But for some reason my eyes began to work on their own. I know, they do anyway, but bare with me. I found myself looking at Him behind the counter. He worked there obviously, unless he was going to nick something from the till. I tried to drag my eyes away, honestly, but for some reason they didn't want to go. Like a great big mechanical machine that has not be oiled in years, my brain started to creak into Notice Him mode. So, I thought, Okay, I will try and be scientific about this. What was it about him that my body decided to betray me for? I trusted my brain not to start acting like a stupid fifteen year old. Obviously something had gone wrong with my synapses. They were firing for the wrong reason. Maybe I needed a tablet. Yes, that was it.

He was nice looking, I will give him that. But then again, so were a lot of men. He had a great accent, Spanish I think. But most of all, and Oh dear, God give me strength, he was about 30 years old! Great! Now my brain is regressing. This aint going nowhere is it? How could I like someone twenty years younger than me? Then a little voice, (Traitor!) whispered in my head. Well, you always went for the younger man! YES I KNOW! I screamed back in my head, but that was then, not now! Okay, I can handle this, I thought. I only come in here once a week. He must be new, or maybe he is just filling in for someone. DON'T PANIC! I took a deep breath and carried on drinking. What is the problem? He is never going to look at me anyway. But tell that to my brain will ya.

I quickly finished up and headed for the door. Outside I took a deep breath and legged it to the next shop. What the hell was that? My brain felt all funny, dizzy I suppose. It reminded me of when you pluck a harp string that hasn't been twanged for years. It has gone a bit stiff and if it could feel anything, it would probably hurt it. That was what my brain felt like. The synapse that carried the memory of attraction hadn't been twanged for so many years it actually hurt! Seriously! It gave me a headache! Ho Hum!

So what was it about him? Brain chemicals? Hormones? WHAT? I see men every day, and even if I think they are nice looking, it doesn't do a thing for me. I have made sure of that. I am borg. You will be assimilated. Sorry I am a trekkie nurd. But it is true. I have turned into a borg. Deliberately. I don't want to feel anything for anybody. I have trained myself not to want any other man. After my marriage went skew up, I went out with loads and all it did was give me a headache. I am not good with men. I turn into a blithering idiot when I fancy someone. I thought age would help that. Yeah right! That worked! I go bright red, like a traffic light stuck on go, my mouth forgets how to pronounce words, and I end up sounding like a Dalek on meths, yep, I like Doctor Who too, and my legs go all wibbly wobbly. This is great when you are sixteen, but not my age! Oh, and I forget what I was saying! Which does help sometimes when I am talking crap. So it must be brain chemicals. They are trying to do something to me, and I am not having it. I won't go to the Pizza Hut again.

But I did. Several times in fact. And he is always there. In fact we have got quite friendly now. Well he has, I just dribble. I was eating my pizza the other day, and he came and sat at the table with me! Well, you can imagine how that went! My pizza suddenly started tasting like cardboard, and my teeth decided to give up chewing. I tried to have a conversation. Honestly I did. But I ended up gurning in all the right places. He must have thought I was let out of an asylum on a weekend pass. I did nod in all the right places, but luckily I don't think he noticed anything untoward as he kept talking anyway. Why did he come and sit with me? DOES HE KNOW? Oh for goodness sake! Don't panic, perhaps he thinks I look like his mum or something.....!

Anyway, up to date. Today I went back into the Pizza Hut and He was there. He came over and served me, chatted away, and took my order. I shuffled over to a table and took out a newspaper. Squinting at the words, I wear contact lenses, they are great for seeing The Sea of Tranquility on the moon, but up close everything goes blurry. So, as I was saying, I was peering at the words, hoping that the paper was the right way up, when all of a sudden His arm appeared around me and placed my take out on the table! I nearly fainted! Silly old cow! So thanking him with a grimace, told you my face went funny did I? Yeah? good, I got up, grabbed the take out, stuffed the paper in my bag and headed for the door. As I left, I heard a voice say, 'See you soon, I hope'.

Turning, I noticed Him smiling at me from across the counter. His face dimpled with gorgeous, well, dimples. But there was one thing I noticed. He had pink cheeks. He was blushing!

He couldn't could he? I mean, did he.......?

No, don't be stupid...............!

Do chemical reactions in the fancying thingy way work both ways? Do I fancy him because he feels something too? Or is he just reacting on a subconcious level because he feels it from me? Trust me to start analysing the bloody thing! Well, who knows. I will just dream, and keep it that way!