Oh Powers-That-Be, Deliver This Panic and Fear From Me
Fashion models' dressing room
THIS IS A FASHION MODELS' DRESSING ROOM -- where beautiful fashion models get dressed for strutting down the catwalk. This place is a very-secure place made for females only. No males. If someone in power sent me inside this room to deliver a message to one of the models, I would be shaking out of my shoes. It's the way a woman glares at a man when he sees her almost-undressed.
A DIESEL TRUCK --- scares me to death. There are 16 to 18 forward gears to deal with. Plus Dept. of Transportation laws. I would not make a good "gear jammer," for I can see myself getting into a traffic jam on the freeway in Los Angeles and having to bail before a gang of Hell's Angels dragged me from my truck and beat me up for causing the traffic jam.
Enter fear, the "being"
Almost every human being battles this vicious, flesh-ripping beast each day of their life. I do wish I could say that this beast has three horns sharp as a razor (carried by the late singer, Jim Croce's "Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown), breathes napalm and has three-ton scales on its back all the way to its scorpion-like tail. But I cannot. I have to face this beast and tell you the truth.
Fighting this "being" is far from fun. This monster can cause anyone a handful of painful ulcers along with digestive problems if it's not faced-down and defeated. I am totally-serious, friends. By the end of this self-confession of weakness, you will gain a new understanding of this being who has us all in his crosshairs.
Three other places "fear" lives
Fear is a complex beast, my friends
This being is "fear," "insecurity's" first-cousin and "no confidence's second-cousin. If you have one or all three against you, then your life will not be as you dream or expect it to be, so you can get accustomed to vast amounts of disappointments, let-downs, rejections, shame, embarrassment, and always coming in at second or last place in races you run.
Now the upside of fear is that it is not a mortal sin to have fear in your life. Being fearful goes with being human. It's just that some people have more fear than others with the end-results being of a bigger number than the normal man or woman with an average amount of fear.
Now may I talk about myself? I know that I sound egotistical, but I cannot say it any other way. I promise to be brief. Concerning my being a "long-time victim," of "fear,' I can only hope for a miracle to allow me to see the time and place where "fear" started bullying me around like a ragdoll with no stuffing. It is this serious.
A lion's cage
SAY HI, TO THE LIONS' CAGE --- a sure-fire "den of death," if one is trapped inside of this with a few hungry lions. Lions have no conscience that we know of. And if they are hungry, nature has it that they eat--anything made of flesh and duhhhh! I am made of flesh. I would not enter one of these cages even if it were empty.
Marine boot camp
Other things that cause "fear" to attack me
My dad was "fear's" main lieutenant
(Some) of the reason that I am like this, fearful of most new things, people and places, is my dad whom I know meant me no harm in always taking me aside each time I had an opportunity to experience something new, to just fill me with all negative reasons why I should just let it pass.
I would protest like any kid would if he knew that most of these shining-opportunities would never show themselves again, but my words fell on stubborn ears. My dad would always say, "That's too dangerous," or "You do not need this," both convenient arguments and reasons to keep me at home as another exciting chance to grow sailed out of sight. I was not a kid when these encounters would happen. I recall that I was 14. I always thought to myself, when I get older, this will change. How wrong I was, for this denying me some memorable things just kept on the older I got.
I have some photo examples of the areas in which my dad prevented me from growing into a normal manhood and adding some spice to my life.
The "monster" fear shows me these photos in my imagination
EVEN SEEING A CARTOON OF --- a police line-up as we have seen on television gives me the creeps. If a person is accused of committing a crime, they are put with three or four other people who may or may not be a thug. Then the witness, who is behind a one-way glass, has to identify "the" real criminal. Just imagine. A person's freedom is in the breath of the witness to say, "he is the one, " or "he is not the one."