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On The Sideline

Updated on May 6, 2015

I'd rather be his only one than his main one...

In the past few years haven’t you noticed a growth in side line chicks? For those of you who don’t already know, a sideline chick is defined in the Urban Dictionary as a female who is dating a man who is in a relationship. Music, television, and even social media encourage this behavior in our society. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t just the ladies! Men have also been known to make moves on women who are most vulnerable. It has gotten to the point where it is absolutely fine for a woman to sleep with a man who is involved (if) he has made complaints of being unhappy at home. It’s almost natural for a man to seduce a woman in her most vulnerable state when she is at odds with her partner. Nowadays, these sideline chicks and boyfriend # 2 have accepted the fact that they will never be number one. They settle for number two and play their part to perfection, convinced that it is far better to destroy true love rather than build it. You have to play close attention to both men and women who are constantly declaring they are single. I would assume it is an open invitation.

Ladies first. It is not cool, nor has it ever been cool, to involve yourself with a man who is already in a relationship. Have enough you respect for yourself to say, “Deal with your issues first, then come and look me up.” Raise the standard for yourself. At the end of the day, we will all grow old, do you really want to be a 60 year old side chick, and never build a life of your own? What you fail to realize is, relationships go through many phases, all of which are meant to create a stronger bond between two that come together for one purpose. If a man tells you he is at odds with his woman or he is considering leaving her, then you should wait to see if that actually takes place before hoping on his …bandwagon.

Some of you females are so foul, you have no respect for the fellow woman and could care less about her heart. Even if what her man said was true, why would you even want to deal with a man who is already having issues with another woman? That’s spells drama right there! More likely than not, that man and his woman will resolve their issues and you have tainted their relationship with your infectious ways. Need I remind you the rates for venereal diseases in our beautiful state of Illinois? What can you do with a man who is already taken anyway, besides be a sideline chick? We’ve talked about temptation and ways to avoid it, but truth is sideline chicks are temptation at its best. They enjoy the attention from men who aren’t theirs, it gives them some sense of accomplishment. They cover up they low handed actions by saying, “I’m single. I can do what I want. He texts me so I am not wrong.” Once you know a man is taken you have the option to deny his requests or advise him to drop his honey for you. We all know he wouldn’t do a thing like that, so really, why do you exist? What is your purpose?

Fella’s aren’t innocent! Men have been known to be smooth, charismatic, and full of game. They know when you are having issues with your man and they take the time to tell you how beautiful you are, and how you shouldn’t be dealing with a guy who treats you so poorly. They will offer you lunch and flirt the entire time just to bring out that girlish smile. They will do all the things they know your man doesn’t do, just to get close. I’ve learned through experience that if a man wants to “just chill” at his apartment, it most definitely means he wants to sleep with you. I don’t have a problem with a man who is patient for a woman to part ways from a relationship. I have a problem with men who know full well a woman is involved and will still makes advances towards her. Pleasure Ps’ hit single ‘Boyfriend #2’ came out in 2008 and created a different tone to relationships for men. It became sexy, and invited for women to have her main man, and a boyfriend on the side just in case things got tight. In a society where men were used to being single, it became intriguing to be considered boyfriend number two. The ideal of having another man’s trophy without him knowing made men feel more powerful. It’s not enough to be tall dark and handsome anymore. If a man has the capability to conquer a woman who is either married or in a committed relationship he is thought to be more attractive for some reason.

Men know when women are most vulnerable, they pounce at any open opportunity. They can tell when they see a woman if she is strong or weak minded. He can also tell by her conversation, and the way she holds herself. If a woman claims to be in a relationship, but yet presents herself as available, it’s easy for men to use that as a way to reach out to her, they know she needs the attention. So fellas, my advice to you would be to treat your woman right and pay attention to her needs. There are men out here who prey on women going through rough patches in their relationship, if your woman isn’t secure mentally…she will definitely fall for the bait.

It doesn’t matter if you’re playing the female role or the male role. Being a sideline has to be thee most degrading relationship status known to mankind. This type of person can’t be seen in public, they have to sneak around like a thief in the night just to have sex, and every night when they go to sleep alone they are reminded of their true value. They fool themselves into believing they are victorious in a battle that only THEY are fighting. They can only watch helplessly, on the sideline, as relationships blossom and families are created. They see the happiness, they take notice when a relationship is going through various issues and use that opportunity to introduce themselves.

You have to watch these types of people, they are truly crafty and they talk a good game. Just like a thief himself, a sideline individual only wants what they can’t have. They use temptation as a tool to seduce, and we all know how temptation works. Just think about if an individual is totally fine with being a sideline. They have no respect for others, they date people in relationships for fun more so than for keeps. Do you realize how many relationships would be damaged or tainted by their foul ways? This is one of the reasons relationships are failing now, sidelines are getting bold! There was a time where, if a woman was a sideline the secret was the most important part about the relationship! The fact that nobody knew created a sensual excitement that allowed them to continue to have their way. Now a days sidelines are posting pictures, texting phones, and making subliminal status updates gloating about being with someone else’s partner. They want the main woman/man to know they exist… Why? Well, that is a question you would have to ask one for yourself.

If you’re in a relationship do your best to remain faithful. There will be instances where your relationship will be tried to see if it can stand the test of times. Don’t be foolish though! Have enough respect for yourself not to fall for a person outside of your existing relationship. A man who is double minded is an unstable man. It’s ok to be selfish! Your love is for your partner and your partner only. It irritates sidelines when you don’t fall for their tactics. Let them stay irritated until they figure out what to do with their lives.

If you are truly unhappy in your relationship then leave! What’s the sense of holding on to an unhealthy relationship and further damaging the person you’re holding on to? That is when you make the decision to be single so you can do as you please. Unhealthy relationships can only improve through communication and trustworthiness, adding a sideline in the picture will only make matters worse. You wouldn’t concentrate on fixing the relationship you are already in if you had a sideline. I can respect a person who is mature enough to remove themselves from an unhealthy situation rather than a person who blatantly cheats wanting his cake and eats yours too!

If you’re a sideline, my advice to you is… retire! Your presence is not needed and quite frankly you’re like a pestering fly. There is someone out there made perfectly for you! Get to know yourself and what you truly want in a relationship of your own. I guarantee you will be happier once you quit sabotaging other people’s lives and create one of your own. Your current relationship status is single, either join the single community or get used to it! There are plenty of single people, who want nothing more than what you do. You know it’s bad when you’re single & so are they and they still wouldn’t create anything serious with you.

You can be as confident as you want to be, or as beautiful as a sunset on a summer’s eve, that doesn’t change the fact that these type of people exist. It requires real work being in a committed relationship. Integrity is everything, the moment you make a bad decision with a sideline, you give them power to use that information to hurt the person you’re in a relationship with. Mistakes happen I understand, I am a married woman, but I am not blind woman. Men are still attractive to me. However, they are just that, and that alone; attractive. I have an entire husband…a simple attraction seems inane. I will not allow an attraction to spoil everything I have built with my family. That’s where I’m at with it. I realize not everyone thinks like me, people are going to do what they want to do regardless, our nation is full of rebellious people. I am raising awareness to everyone about the realities of this world and our societies. Don’t be so full of yourself that you think it can’t happen to you, because it most definitely can!

Relationships are failing because of outside interference. Either be strong enough to say no, or make the decision to be single. It makes no sense to be in a relationship if you’re going to cheat, save yourself the heart ache and headache and chug the deuces! There is no real beauty in being a sideline, no future or stability…just seconds and leftovers. Regardless if you’re a man or woman, if you’re playing the sideline role…that’s where you will remain…on the Sideline. Consider yourself, look in the mirror and see yourself for who you really are. Karma never forgets, even if you do. Years from now, when you finally settle down, the same thing you did to other women or men will eventually come back to haunt you. Be prepared, living as a “sideline” today, could have you paying for it tomorrow.


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    • Akriti Mattu profile image

      Akriti Mattu 

      3 years ago from Shimla, India

      Excellent post

    • IWriteyouRead profile imageAUTHOR

      Kristina Riddle 

      3 years ago from Joliet, Il

      Thats just the point! Attraction can sometimes Be deadly. Singles do it all the time with hopes of having the individual for themselves, not necessarily for marriage but just to have that right to say "I have had what is supposed to be yours". Mistakes happen, but I can honestly say I am no Barbara Walters. Before I would have an affair I would leave my marriage all together. I can't speak for my husband I can only trust him. There are very few people who are like me that takes marriage and relationships seriously and hold them sacred.

      I only write about things I know first hand. Either through my own relationships or the interference of others. The sideline is everywhere and as you have made the valid point sometimes they do it for mere fun, but as I stated before, to what expense? Either way it goes, nobody but nobody can make it on their own. Its time to stop settling for fun and games and replace the value in relationships that society and social media has successfully ruined.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      3 years ago

      I too address everyone!

      By no means am I encouraging people to participate in affairs. I just wanted to acknowledge not every "side person" wants to be the wife or the husband.

      I also thought it was interesting how society has in many ways promoted having affairs with various TV shows where the audience sympathizes with the main character who is cheating with a married person. ABC has a summer series called "Mistresses" and Showtime has one called "The Affair".

      Even Barbara Walters admitted to having an affair long ago!

      As a society today cheating only upsets us when our mates do it to us!

      Most single guys wouldn't turn down the opportunity to have sex with an attractive woman who was married or in a relationship and lots of women have confessed to knowingly having sex with guys who were either married or in relationships. The morality line just seems to keep on moving in our society. The only people that find cheating romantic are cheaters and some fans.

    • IWriteyouRead profile imageAUTHOR

      Kristina Riddle 

      3 years ago from Joliet, Il

      We are all entitled to our opinions. I don't see the romance in being a sideline but I do see how one can become tempted to do so. My point is why play that role? I realize individuals do this for fun but at what expense? Be single and mingle or just leave people in relationships alone...its really not all that hard to comprehend the differences between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy one. I address everyone! Thanks for the feedback reader!

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      3 years ago

      Voted up and interesting!

      However I do think there is an assumption that every "side chick" or "side dude" wants to be the main one. The reality is there are lots of folks who seem to relish the freedom of not being in a full-time relationship.

      Not long ago I knew a guy who was married and having an affair. One day he left his wife and told his mistress they were free to be together and she dumped him! She didn't want to be with him on a full-time basis.

      Some people are just out to have fun. Maybe they're going through a phase. If one is enjoying them self they don't consider it "settling".

      There was a time where men removed their wedding ring or lied about their relationship/marital status. It's no longer necessary to lie now.

      Today we live in an era where there are websites for both men and women who are looking to cheat or be the "side" mate with someone!

      In other instances you have people "looking up exes" from high school on Facebook, LinkedIn, and other social media to see if there might remain a spark or two left.

      Lastly our society tends to condemn cheating on the one hand and then we "romanticize" it on the other hand. When people watch "Scandal" or "Being Mary Jane" they're pulling for the mistress! (Not the wives!)

      Some of the biggest R&B hit songs deal with infidelity; "The Other Woman" (Ray Parker Jr.), "Saving all My Love for You" (Whitney Houston), "If Loving You is Wrong" (Luther Ingram), "Me & Mrs. Jones (Billy Paul), "Kiss and Say Good-Bye (The Manhattans), "Secret Lovers" (Atlantic Star), "As We Lay" (Shirley Murdock), "Agony and the Ecstasy" (Smokey Robinson).

      They all speak about the cruel trick life has played on them allowing them to meet and fall in love only after they're attached to others.

      This "drama" or hurdle is the "romance" for such relationships. :)


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