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Once We Gays Get Marriage Rights We’re Going To Need To Redecorate Them (Per Usual)

Updated on August 12, 2010


At this point I can honestly say with the judgment against Proposition 8 and just the way things seem to be going, I no longer feel as though gay marriage rights will be an “if” but rather a “when” – “when we get marriage rights” can now emanate from my lips without me feeling as though I’m lying. Having said that, the more I read about gay marriages, the people having them (including one in my own family) the more I think that once we gays get marriage rights we’re going to need to redecorate them (per usual) – Don’t Get Me Started!

I get why some of us gays are attracted to the wedding as a traditional ceremony complete with fourteen bridesmaids and ushers, because that’s what we’ve seen our entire lives. To you gays who want this, complete with matching tuxedoes, or dresses or puka beads on a beach, I say have at it. But what I never hear anyone talking about is the fact that this “traditional” ceremony may not be right for all of us. For me personally (who is not getting married anytime soon) I find the whole traditional ceremony not for me. So does that make me a traitor to my fellow gays? Absolutely not.

I just feel as though we gays can do better by ourselves by creating our own type of ceremony and way of joining together rather than trying to copy what straights have done for years like some sort of bad Elvis impersonation. Why should we try to put our fabulously well toned peg into a hole that doesn’t fit? (Well, I know some of you boys like to try anything once so I’ll leave it for you to figure out in the alley behind the 7/11 where you met your partner of thirty minutes by the Slurpee machine. And they say romance is dead). What I mean is that we need to go to some sort of “Dare to be different” seminar and figure out exactly how to give the whole gay marriage thing a redecoration that doesn’t just look as if we bought cheap slipcovers for the sofa and a new coffee table book. No, we need to move that furniture out all together and bring in some grand new stuff.

While we’re thinking (let’s face it, while “I’M” thinking) of changing the wedding ceremony for gays I begin to wonder if an idea I had a while ago hasn’t now seen it’s time to arrive on the scene. I think we need a gay religion. There, I’ve said it (again). I’m not sure exactly what we would worship but I know that we would all look great and we’d be tax deductible. If I have to go ahead and be the “Designer” (instead of pastor or priest) of this movement, if I get the calling from my Prada shoes telling me I need to step up and create this religion, so be it. That’s right, we don’t really know how religion started and we sure as hell have no idea how Joseph Smith made up his wacky story that millions of Mormons believe now or how a bestselling author like L. Ron Hubbard managed to take people from Dianetics to what eventually became Scientology, the religion of Scelebrities. So why not a gay religion? Maybe God is speaking to me because I’m Jewish and he knows he can trust me like he trusted Moses. Maybe Gayliness is next to Godliness after all. Maybe, just maybe, I can bring my message to my people without persecution and as much eyeliner as most evangelicals. The one thing I know is that there will be less screaming at the congregation and more singing showtunes to them. The only problem I see right away is that if we ever do any call and response with the congregation (or “ensemble” as they’ll be called) I’m afraid the fire department will be called out time and time again because our sibilant “S’s” will have everyone believing there’s a gas leak in the building. No matter, when the firemen arrive they can do some dancing to a Village People song to bring the crowd to their feet and send them off for a great week. The fireman going a little gay for pay and helping gather donations in their hats, boots and whatever else they have that you can stuff crumpled singles into. Sound too stereotypical? Look at the Catholics, Jews, Mormons and more and tell me what they do for their service isn’t horribly stereotypical? You have to give people a little of what they know before you can get them getting used to new ideas.

New ideas, that’s what we need for the future of our country and the world. We can’t stand by and allow ourselves to join into a world all ready spinning and just go with the flow. No, sometimes we have to stop spinning (to check out the ass of the guy next to us in class) to discover our own sense of calm, self and direction. We have to boldly go where no gays have gone before. We have to make things that actually fit us and are more couture as opposed to buying off the rack. That goes for religion, gay weddings and more. So if you’re thinking of a gay wedding, re-think the white wedding and go for something in a color that doesn’t make the bride/groom/whatever look so fat. Instead of cake, serve mousse (cause it has so many “S’s” in it it’ll be fun to hear your guests say) and finally instead of “I do” say, “Hold my hand and we’re half way there, hold my hand I’ll take you there.” Once we gays get marriage rights we’re going to need to redecorate them (per usual) – Don’t Get Me Started!

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    • OpinionDuck profile image

      OpinionDuck 7 years ago

      dna adjustment

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 7 years ago from Las Vegas

      EA - As always, thanks for your loyal reading and encouragement. I have indeed been on a bit of a vacation and have decided to make it more or less permanent when it comes to blogging on a daily basis. Time to focus on writing that great American novel, e-book or whatever the future holds. Be sure and visit the Some Like It Scott site as there are more than 900 rants, raves and reviews on the site itself. Thanks again for everything. Scott

    • Earth Angel profile image

      Earth Angel 7 years ago

      Blessings to you this morning Mr. Java Joe Scott!!

      Or should I address you as Reverend Scott!!??

      I came searching for you as your newest Hubs stopped magically appearing on my desktop each morning!! My coffee just doesn't taste the same!? My funny bone needs tickling!? So of course I thought of you!!

      I thought you may have gone on vacation!!?? And if you have, I hope you are having a wonderful relaxing sexy sunshine time! Where might one go FROM Las Vegas when so many people head TO Las Vegas for their vacations?? A monastery, maybe??

      In terms of your Reverend status, YES, it is valid and legal, even if you got it online free from Minister's In A Box!! (Or Universal Life or Liberty or a host of others!!) Many of those who spend years laboring over their theology pastoral studies take exception to the same license being granted to others without the same investment! I'm not one of them!

      But then again, I do not believe in pieces of paper as much as I believe in a person's heart, their intentions and their core desire to bring good into the world! I do not believe it takes a piece of paper to create a marriage, straight, gay, bi- or trans- !! I certainly do not believe it takes a piece of paper to create a minister!!

      The world is too full of exceptions on both sides!! We all know really good people who are not ministers, and really bad people who are!!

      What most people do not know is that any licensed minister from any denomination, from a 12-year PhD theology graduate to a minister-in-a-box, has the legal right to confer on any other person the status of licensed minister!! For those who spend years studying to become a Methodist or Unitarian (or whatever) Minister, they are usually asked to sign an agreement, as one of the conditions of their graduation, waiving that right!! (Personally, I think it has much more to do with corporate control and money - and less to do with the Divine!!)

      Yes, your license is valid! Would you like to be addressed as Reverend Scott?? Wouldn't the Rabbi be pleased??

      Yes, you can legally marry anyone you would like, including gay couples!! In California, that was/is a heated topic! During the period of time when gay marriage is legal (as you know it goes back and forth), ALL licensed ministers are compelled to marry gay couples!! For those less-open-minded ministers, they were outraged!

      So those less-enlightened-ministers would just tell the gay couple that they were already booked for their chosen day and recommend someone like me! Who believes in gay marriage whether the government is off or on at the moment!!

      Gotta run!! Have a GREAT day GREAT Reverend Scott!!

      Blessings always, Earth Angel!!

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 7 years ago from Las Vegas

      K9keystrokes, your comments warmed my very black dark heart...he he...thank you!

      mythbuster...I actually AM a Reverend (according to some online ministry) I became ordained to marry my friend and her husband about five years ago. I always tell them that I have no idea if it or is legal but there you have it!

    • mythbuster profile image

      mythbuster 7 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide

      The title Reverend Scott looks good on you!

    • K9keystrokes profile image

      India Arnold 7 years ago from Northern, California

      As always Scott, outstanding! You take us on such lofty rides on your carpet (Berber of course) of words...siblint 'S's...gas leak...hilarious! You are the pissy bright spot that makes me run to the coffee pot for a cup of Jo, and then grab my computer to see what new rant is aboard the SSsomelikeitscott!

      Just love your work my friend!

      ~Always choose love~


    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 7 years ago from Las Vegas

      EA - You had me at "cosmic orgasm!"

    • Earth Angel profile image

      Earth Angel 7 years ago

      Good Morning Good Joe!!

      Or should I address you as Reverend Scott!!?? Pastor Poky?? Friar Firmness??

      GREAT Hub! I don't know why you haven't been picked up as a national syndicated columinst yet!!?? You are a morning joy!! (I'm sure your spouse feels the same way but for different reasons!!)

      Growing up in San Francisco, I attended gay weddings regularly since I was a child!! Now, as an Interfaith Minister, I bless, celebrate and officate them!!

      Growing up, it ever occured to me that 'government rules' were more valid, or carried more weight, than the 'sacred love' two people share!!??

      Truth trumps law every time!!

      Yes, I fully agree that the whole commercial wedding-machine needs an overhaul!! You would be the perfect one to do it!! Gay or straight - there is just too much stereotype-hype in most weddings!!

      My friends just married in India! A three-day ceremony surrounded by family and friends who flew in from around the world!!

      How about a Tantric retreat for closest family and friends culminating not in a tall cake frosted in a Crisco/sugar combination, but a cosmic orgasm!!

      How about a huge mural painted on silk by all the attendees and then the happy couple wrapped in it as they wisk off to their honeymoon!! Upon their return, this lovely piece of sacred art becomes a canopy over their marriage bed!!??

      A new religion?? How about no religion and a movement toward nature!!?? One tree does not judge another tree because of the way it leans???

      Have a GREAT day GREAT Scott!!

      Blessings always, Reverend Earth Angel!!

      You are the BEST!!

    • Paradise7 profile image

      Paradise7 7 years ago from Upstate New York

      Terrific hub, I love some of your witticisms--Scientology for Scelebrities! LOL!