Once You Go Yellow, You Will Mellow: Dating An Asian Man From A White Woman's Perspective III
Happy Monday To All (Or Whatever Day Of The Week It Is)
Hello fellow hubbers! (Is that a word? Guess it is now). Happy Monday for those of you who have a real job (I myself need one). Today I'm going to start a mini series in this blog OYGM,YWM, called Three Things to Never Say/Ask an Asian. And no, not being even remotely racist. We spend all of our time ignoring the fact that racism is so present we've gone color blind to it. Seriously why are the only Asian actors most people can think of are Glen from the Walking Dead (we don't even try to remember his name Steven Yeun) Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, Jet Li and Short-round (Who is not Steven Yeun!). Oh and the Asian father meme. But even outside of celebrity, most people don't notice Asians.
Except the women because that's a fetish.
So today (at the cautious discretion of my boyfriend) I have decided to make an Asian sensitivity training course with his help. And no, I don't wish to be preachy or high and mighty. I make so many Asian jokes it's funny. And my boyfriend makes plenty of white people jokes. This is to really stop the stupid questions that Asians endure, mostly because of how they look.
How Can You See?
This is a particular favorite of everyone's because admit it, we're all thinking it. Well in the words of my boyfriend, "We can see just fine. If we have glasses it's because there's something wrong with our eyeballs not because of our squint. Wasis."
The only time people maybe aren't thinking about the squint, is when they see an Asian (usually women too!) with more open eyes, like a white person. While I don't oppose plastic surgery on eyes, (I think if you got the money and you still look human, do it!) this might be why the squint question (according to my boyfriend) has become so much more popular. Because Asians are getting upper eyelid reduction surgery. Here's the website for Philadelphia based surgeon, John Lee, M.D. to learn more about the surgery: https://www.drjohnleesurgery.com/double-asian-eyelid-gallery.html
But in any case, the squint question still isn't funny. It's only funny to you because you have an insecurity. Insecurity leads to bullying, leading to more insecurity. It's a vicious cycle. Knock it off.
Where Are You From Really?
The only time it's appropriate to ask an Asian this is when you go on the first date or if they very clearly have an Asian accent. Otherwise, does it seriously matter? That's like talking loudly and slowly to an Asian because you assume they don't speak English. Look, unless it is made clear they're from Asia, whatever country or island, just assume they identify as American or the state they live in. And assume they speak English. From personal observation of my boyfriend and his brother, they don't like being spoken to like they're stupid. They have masters degrees. They more than likely have intelligence than what they will let on.
Why does it bother some Asians when asked this question?
Because would you ask a black person that? Would you ask a Jewish person? The answer is Hell no! But evidently it's okay to ask Asians. People don't ask. If they tell you freely, okay. Great. If not, leave it alone.
Never Say "I Love You" To An Asian
This one most people won't get unless you've lived with an Asian or are currently living with one. While this one seems cruel (they might not say it back to you or never say it) it's not. Because, as it has been explained to me "Asians don't like to say "I Love You". Because saying it isn't the same as meaning it. We prefer to be shown you love us in all means" as quoted by my boyfriend. This is why (especially from my observations) Asians give their significant others money, gifts. Or in my case, stand behind me if my skirts are a bit too short or take me to a nice dinner. Or let me stay rent free. It's because that's how they interpret care. It's also why Asian parents push their kids so hard. They really just care. And saying it, to them, cheapens their expressions of love.
So ladies, and some of you gentlemen *wink* don't be off put or hurt if your Asian partner doesn't say "I Love You". Even if you've been together for over a decade or a few months, they (hopefully) do care about you. And return that kindness to them. I personally return the kindness with lingerie and random harmless pranks. When I'm off duty looking for a job that is...
Here's The Take Away
So here's today's take away: Try to be curteous to Asians. Obviously this won't apply to everyone, from the Asians who couldn't even begin to care about this to the white people they lay with. Some Asians won't be like the one's I've described. Some are excessively white washed, some are conservatively traditional. And not all white people are this stupid. Or people from any race will be this stupid or insensitive or flat out racist. (I've said Or a lot today. Or or or or or or or or). Poking at someone you know is one thing, if they find it acceptable and in good fun, great! If they don't, please don't be like a robot and completely overlook another person's emotional reaction. It's scary how unempathetic we are as a people right now in this day and age. But that's a blog for a different day.
So to all you ladies, and even some of you gentlemen *wink*, if you're tired of having cream in your coffee, once you go yellow, you will mellow.
Except yellow snow.
Don't eat the yellow snow.
See you tomorrow Hubbers!