One Married Couple's Sex Club Experiment
In a Funk, We Needed to Spice Things Up!
Back when we were young, my husband and I weren’t afraid to show our affection for each other, wherever or whenever. We were wild, and crazy, like most 20 year olds. While living with our respective parents there may have been trips to some seedy motels to get our fix of each other. We have now been together for more than 10 years, and the flame is still smoldering, but as with many relationships it’s in danger of going out completely. Marriage and kids tend to curb the tendency to get your physical needs met when desired. We still did our thing, just not as often and mostly pretty ‘vanilla’.
For the past couple weeks, my husband had gotten quite curious about branching out sexually. We have periodically in the duration of our relationship discussed various ideas for ‘spicing things up' (I have a drawer with unmentionables that get busted out on certain wine fueled occasions). And when we were younger, without kids, I would have more enthusiastically entertained his ideas. He still likes me to “send nudes” even though he sees the same thing every day. He has always pushed me to the brink of my comfort zone in everything (not just sexually). This is our dynamic, I’m a homebody, and he is outgoing. I keep him grounded and he keeps me curious and trying new things.
A number of his friends are newly single, by divorce or break up, and that means the discussion of their sexcapades are becoming more frequent. I think everyone has some desire to go back and relive the “glory days”. It’s almost magical to think of the time when every body part was still firm and stayed where it was supposed to. A time when you might have to actually turn and person down in a bar. I haven’t been hit on in years…if I got hit on now I might buy a thank you card to send to that person…or have a stroke…with my blood pressure who knows which would happen.
Spicy and New...
His texts about threesomes and dirty talk were getting…well annoying. He wanted me to think of something spicy and new. We even got “the Tinder” (which is what I affectionately call it, while feeling old trying to navigate it) so he could see how ‘not our scene’ that really was. And after a quick Google search I informed him that no woman ever wants to just be the third in a threesome…like ever. But my husband kept hoping.
I was/am flattered that he still wants to try new things with me. He wants to see ME naked, even with the scars and the flab. He is in love and in lust with me. It is difficult for me to get out of my own way sometimes. There are days when I feel like all I am is "Mom", and as "Mom" I don't feel sexy. Eventually I gave in, partly from curiosity and partly from wanting to call his bluff, and I bought us tickets to a swingers club.
What Did I Do?!
NONREFUNDABLE: No Going Back Now!
I bought nonrefundable tickets to a sex club. What did I do?! I texted him what I had prepared for us. He didn’t seem as excited as I thought he would have been. I immediately regretted my decision…but after spending $87.99, we were going. I didn’t care if we walked in and left with our tails between our legs…we were going. This was a Wednesday, the club was only open on Saturdays…it was a quiet few days around our house. Occasionally he would venture out and question me about the “rules”. I asked him what exactly he wanted to do while we were there, and I never did get a clear answer.
Saturday came, I had already secured babysitting for the small human that lives with us. I was determined that we were going. He wanted to spice things up, and they don’t get any spicier than this. I’m not entirely sure if I was being spiteful or adventurous at this point. I found a dress that I had bought during a particularly spunky shopping trip, and curled my hair. I even put makeup on, and that’s when he knew I was serious.
We had an hour drive to get there. I wanted to eat something before we went, the website said they had appetizers and desserts…but the advice articles I had read in preparation informed us that we did not want to participate in any buffet or snack bar, for obvious reasons. We found a normal restaurant in the midst of the apparent strip club district of this city. We didn’t talk much, just drank tall beers and asked each other if we were actually going to do this. We made it this far, we were going. The website said it was a BYOB private club, so we had a cooler with some drinks. We pulled into the parking lot joking that we would probably be the only ones there…the parking lot was full. In silence and holding hands we walked in…
You don’t know unless you try, right?
It was dark, there were a lot (A LOT) of single men hanging around the “bar” (the one where as far as the authorities know they don’t have alcohol…) and pool table area. I stood a little closer to my husband, trying to make it clearer than clear that I was with this bearded man with the wide shoulders and mean face. They gave a tour, explaining the rules…that were really more like guidelines than rules. Everything the security man mentioned was quickly followed up with a disclaimer that we could really “just do what you do”. I don’t want to judge anyone, but these weren’t our style of people. If whips and chains actually excite you then this was where you should be.
I had made a terrible mistake. I knew I didn’t want to take things any farther than just being here, hopefully he was feeling the same way. My husband was quiet, we made a drink. We made our way to what looked like it could be a dance floor, but instead of dancing to the music, there was a robust woman hanging from the ceiling whilst a man slapped her. And that’s where I checked out. We watched the “show” for a minute, where they let everyone know they do tutorials on Thursdays, and I think we both had the same look: heads cocked to one side and brows furrowed…not really sure what we were watching. We walked around a few more times, things just got weirder. I heard a women let the crowd know that later she would be stapling another woman…and that’s when we made our exit.
More awkward silence, he finally says something. “Well, that was stupid”. We laughed. The jokes and laughter went on the whole way home. Asking each other about the people and the rooms, and what we thought of them all. Finally we were on the same page about something, this wasn’t for us. If it is your kind of thing, more power to you folks. No judgement. You don’t know unless you try, right? We went home, ate some ice cream, went to bed, (just the two of us) and found our own spice.