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One More Letter to My Love

Updated on March 2, 2012

I’m not sure how this happened, where it all began. One day I saw you in a completely different way. A very beautiful way. That was a long time ago. And for a very long time I didn’t dream that I would hold you in my arms, kiss your beautiful face. Love you with my body.

No matter what happens, you are my one. I know it. And I know it with no reservation of doubt. I love you so that I would give you my next breath as my last if you needed it. I want peace and success and pleasure for you. I have neither claim nor right to be proud of you, but I am. You are so amazing. You are gifted and skilled. You are incredible. Do you know that? Do you know how good you are? I see it.

I have felt closer to you of late. It’s something on the inside. I don’t think I can even explain it. It’s just there. Like something that has always been there, and now it has made its presence known. It’s a good thing.

I was afraid of your rejection for so long. I was afraid that if I said to you “be with me”, and you said no, that you would be forever lost to me. And to me, that was unfathomable. I couldn’t bear that thought. That fear was a “gift” from somewhere else. Not from you. Old ghosts. Damned ghosts. I’ve grown weary of fear. Who would I be if I let that fear go and lived with the abandonment of that kind of restraint? If I just let the fear go and let the love wash over me? Take it and hold it and just thank God for it. Who would I be then? If you knew more about me, about my life, you would understand why I thought that way. You would understand my ghosts. We all have them.

Loving you means presently living my life with few expectations for some of the things that are most important in life. That’s my choice. That is truth. But it’s not what I wanted. It’s what I take. And that is truth too. I love you, and so I settle for a piece of you. To settle is not one of my finer qualities. I never wanted another woman’s husband. It’s what I’m doing, but it’s not who I am. But my truth is also this. My life is better with you than without you. I am a woman in love. I am making a choice. It’s a choice that involves some degree of pain for me. And still I do this. Still because I love you. Because I want you.

I do not want to be the one who always does the asking. That makes me feel like I am begging you, and as much as I want you, I don’t want to beg you. I want you, and you know it. But I need to be wanted too. You made me happy when you asked to see me this past Tuesday. Do you realize the gift that is to me ~ just the fact that you were saying “I want to be with you”? I have often wondered if you think of me much when we are apart. And then you told me how you thought of me that morning. That is very powerful, and that makes me feel good. I realize the limitations that are on us. We don’t do dinner and a movie. We don’t escape to the beach. I don’t fall asleep in your arms every night, and wake up every morning with you in mine (what a beautiful thought). But that doesn’t mean I have to do without everything that a woman needs. I’m not expecting you to read my mind, so I have to say it. So I’m saying it.

God I adore you. Do you know that by now? I know, that’s a real surprise. I don’t care if you know that every piece of my heart that could belong to a man belongs to you. I am not good at playing games. I hate emotional games. So I’m just honest with you. I want you. I do not want another man. I see only you. I hold only you. I give my body to only you. I love only you.

I cannot imagine having lived and not known you. I am so grateful that in spite of the vastness of time, we walked this world together. Thank you for holding me. Thank you for human touch. Thank you for the way your eyes look at me when sometimes ~ at just the right time ~ I hold your gaze.

© 2012 Bella Nina


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    • profile image

      kayla 3 years ago

      How beautiful in how inspiring you are to me. How your words are great in make me feel the passion I have for my loved one. I could really relate to your feelings I could almost feel your emotions that's how deep in beautiful this was. In real...

    • profile image

      TarascarletAwww 5 years ago

      Are you listening? Can you hear what they are saying? I believe in you!

    • Bella Nina profile image

      Bella Nina 6 years ago from USA

      Thank you Kenneth for your wonderful comment. I appreciate so much the many kind things you wrote! Encouragement is a powerful thing, and I will gladly take all that comes my way!! Thank you again.

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 6 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, Bella, GREAT hub and a FANTASTIC writer! You! LOVED this hub from start to finish. Amazed at your writing style. Voted (sincerely) Up, and all across. You need to think about writing screenplays for love, lost-love and love-rekindled films. I mean that. I am now a fan and follower, if that is okay by you. Very Sincerely, Kenneth Avery, from a rural town in northwest Alabama, Hamilton, that makes you think of Mayberry on the Andy Griffith Show. I hope to hear from you soon. And would LOVE for you to be my follower to share tips and advice with me so I can be "as" good as you, NOT better. That is impossible. Sincerely, again, Kenneth

    • Bella Nina profile image

      Bella Nina 6 years ago from USA

      Dear Saddle ~ we have met only today, and yet I have received so much encouragement from your comments to me. For that I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and wish to express my great appreciation.

      The man I write to in this letter is in my life, and yet not. He is at once my love and my heartache. My heartbreak. The heart chooses, the head ignores. It is life, it is love.

      I have thought, for a while now, of writing. Perhaps a book, but, I found this beautiful place to share some of what I have written, and have found this to be an incredible place for feedback, input, encouragement and much, much food for thought. I do not know where it will lead, but for now I am content to write and to share that with those who are kind enough to read it. Who knows where it will lead?

      Thank you Saddle for your very kind remarks towards me. I wish to be all of the things you named, and I wish very much to share a very deep love with a man who desires to share that with me. Perhaps I will find just that one day. Hugs to you my new HP friend!

    • saddlerider1 profile image

      saddlerider1 6 years ago

      You are such a romantic writer, have you considered writing romance stories, ebooks etc. You come across as such a kind, considerate, loving, caring human being. You are the type that any man would want to meet to feel the depth of your love for him and give it straight back to you.

      I hope this man who you wrote about here is still in your life, if not then another like him. You deserve to be loved, as you have so much to offer, as you write in this piece. Hugs

    • Bella Nina profile image

      Bella Nina 6 years ago from USA

      Thank you Jaspals for your comment. I appreciate so much how encouraging you are to me.

    • Jaspals profile image

      Jaspal Singh 6 years ago from India / Australia

      It's so deeply filled with loving emotions that your words are not less than any poem. I salute you. Great writing. Will wait for the next.