- Gender and Relationships
10 Dating Mistakes All Women Make
Tips on How to Avoid Them and Date Smart
Sometimes women sabotage their chance for love when they are out there in the dating world. I believe some women are so in a hurry to go from dating to marriage, that they often forget the many rules of dating. Dating is an important skill to master because it allows people time to meet people and get to know them better. There's a process you must go through before you can even think about entering into a relationship with a person.
Below are the top 10 mistakes women make when dating.
1.Getting physical (intimate) too soon.
Yes, I know this isn't the 60s and yes, I've heard of Women's Liberation and we all have needs, but we need to be smart about doing the Naked Tango with someone we barely know. If you want to have sex on the first date or even the second, go right ahead. I'm not going to stop you and I won't call you a slut (I promise). But be prepared for this relationship to go nowhere fast if you do. I believe you should never sleep with someone before you get to know them, especially if you want to have a relationship with them. It's unfair that there is a double standard in this world, but the truth is, there is. Just look at the disparaging comments Wendy Williams made about Rihanna for JUST dating numerous men (something you should DEFINETELY do if you're single). If she's considered a whore, I'm sure Wendy would definitely tell me to burn my panties!!!
My view is that not many women can carry on a sexual relationship with someone without forming some type of emotional attachment to them. I know many who have tried, but when you get down to all these hormones, pheromones and other biological processes involved, it's just impossible. You end up feeling you're in love, when in actuality it was just lust.
2. Having sex without protection.
You mean people still have unprotected sex with people they're not in committed, monogamous relationships with? You bet your assets. Think of the number of STD cases and unplanned pregnancies that pop up on a regular basis. I'm not even talking about third world countries. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention there are about 1.1 million people living in the United States infected with HIV. One in six people don't know they even have it. Scary statistics, huh? Even with all of the education out there available to us, regarding not only AIDS, but Herpes and HPV as well, we are still allowing our horniness to overrule our intelligence. Many of these STDs out there may not be deadly, but they can greatly jeapordize our fertility, so don't risk it. Use protection every time you have sex, before you find yourself pregnant or worse.
3. Having sex without a commitment.
If you and your partner have not had "The Talk", then you shouldn't even think about getting busy between the sheets. What leverage do you have for this man to commit to you? He will feel as if he's already getting the goods, there's no need to commit to a relationship with you and he can continue to date whoever else comes along. Do I believe you should hold up the cookies for ransom? No, but knowing first where your relationship is headed will help you to make a knowledgeable decision if you want to stay or look elsewhere.
4. Assuming He's monogamous.
This is one of the BIGGEST mistakes women making when dating. This is also the reason that numbers 1 - 3 keep happening as well. If the two of you have not sat down and talked about being monogamous, then it's probably not happening on his end. How are you going to get mad at a man for sleeping with other women if you did not explicitly tell him that you expect monogamy from him? It's not fair and it leaves the man confused when you just make that assumption.
Fail to set expectations in the beginning for your relationship and expect it to go nowhere FAST. You have every right to know where you stand. You need to know if he's sleeping with other women and if so, if you're okay with it. If you're not, tell him you expect monogamy in your relationships. If he's not willing to be monogamous to you, leave him or at the very least only have protected sex with him. (I highly recommend leaving him that day if he laughs at monogamy).
5. Canceling plans with friends and family just to see him.
If you're busy hanging out with the girls Friday night, don't cancel them just because he wants to come and hang out on your couch. Trust me, he won't do the same for you. In fact, he won't even think twice about canceling plans to change plans with me just so he could drink with his buddies.
If you're too available to him, he's going to start taking advantage of your time and call anytime he feels like it. Why? Because he knows you're sitting by the phone waiting on him. A good man wants a woman who has her own life and doesn't have to depend on him for entertainment all of the time. Once he figures out you're not sitting by the phone waiting on him, he'll start making you a priority in his life. In addition, friends and family are forever. Men? Not so much.
6.Hiding your true self, hoping he will like you.
Let's say you hate football, but you pretend to like it because it allows you to spend more time with your man. Or what if you love to eat steak, but he says he's a Vegan or worse, says he's not a chubby chaser? Pretending to like something that your man likes is one thing, but if you hide a part of yourself because you're afraid he's going to leave you, then you're with the wrong person.
We should date people with similar interests, but we don't have to love everything they do. Having differences make people more interesting. If you find yourself changing yourself just to be with him, you need to dump him and work on your self-esteem. Not only should you be proud of who you are, but if he wants to be with you he will accept you for who you are.
I once dated a man who got sensitive at every joke I made. At first I just stop making jokes, because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. After awhile, I got irritated because I've had this humor forever, why change now? I got rid of his sensitive ass, because I figured I would eventually meet someone who would laugh at my jokes.
Think about this, ever heard the man say that he started losing interest when his girlfriend or wife changed? Yeah, she probably just started showing her true self and he only fell in love with the side she was willing to show. If she showed it in the beginning, the man would have quickly figured out she wasn't the one for him. Not fair ladies, so don't do it.
7. Dating only one person before committing to him too early.
There's a reason why dating is a long lost art. The purpose of dating is to have fun and hang out with people you would be interested in getting to know better. When you fail to do this, you end up with all of your eggs in one basket and before you know it, you have wasted months on a man who was never meant to be your boyfriend. While you were parading around with Mr. Wrong, you missed out on Mr. Right and Mr. Potential-to-be-Right. You would've known this earlier, but you didn't have anything to compare him to. Also, when you date several men at once, you are more likely to cut ties with the duds because you know there's better out there, instead of hanging on to them because you're lonely.
In the first few months of dating, everyone is on their best behavior. Not enough time has passed for you to find out about their criminal past, their problem with gambling or the fact that they don't want the same things in life that you do. Taking the time to get to know someone will allow you to use your head and not your heart in making life altering decisions.
8. Acting like a wife, when you're barely his girlfriend.
I have seen this happen many times, over and over again. A woman meets a man and she starts coming over to his house cleaning up for him and cooking his meals for him. The man sits back and allows the woman to do it. Who wouldn't? What happens is that the woman thinks that doing these things for him has cemented their relationship. She's hoping he'll see what a great wife she will make someday.
In fact, all this has done is provide a man with a maid he doesn't have to pay and that he gets to sleep with. He's no more committed to you now than when you weren't picking up his dry cleaning. I'm not saying you can't do nice things for a man, but save some of these wifely "duties" until you actually become his wife. You know the saying...Why buy the cow....
9. Falling in love too quickly.
Some believe there is no way to prevent falling in love with someone. The heart wants what the heart wants. True, but if you follow some of these guidelines, you can prevent yourself from falling in love with the wrong person. Stop acting desperate! Not every man you meet deserves your heart. No matter how much you like him. Take your time and get to know the person. Only date men who meet your criteria and are stable. If he doesn't want the same things in life as you, keep it moving. You don't have time to waste. Just because a man has a great personality, doesn't mean he's going to be a great partner, provider or parent.
10. Ignoring all of the "red flags".
Even if you have ignored all of the other 9 mistakes, please do not ignore this one. If the man you're with is abusive, a womanizer, or a deadbeat dad (to name a few), leave his behind today. Men rarely change, especially if they don't want to, and no amount of praying and making excuses for him will make him. This is why so many women are unmarried for a lot longer than they felt comfortable with. If we're honest with ourselves, most of the signs were there from the beginning and either out of desperation or loneliness, you have allowed this man to remain in your life. Don't give him a chance. Once your antenna go up, head for the hills. You don't need that type of strife in your life.