Online Dating Etiquette for Men 101
I've been debating the right way to approach this subject for a while, but I've decided to just go for it. Online dating is something many of us have tried at this point, but sadly, plenty of people are failing at the basics. There is certainly a need for Online Dating Etiquette for Men 101.
I know you are thinking I am a female, so shouldn't I write for women instead? No, women are not trying to impress me online (and failing). I am only looking at men's profile pages and being subjected to their failed attempts to woo me. So therefore, I am writing this with men in mind. If there are some guys out there that would like to write Online Dating Etiquette for Women 101 to let gals know what we should be doing to impress you, by all means, please create it. I am sure there is a need.
So, let's begin our journey, shall we? It is time to give guys some helpful pointers on how to win over women online.
No Creepy Photos
Some of you guys are just creeping women out. I know that is a bit blunt, but it needed to be said. When posting photos for your profile page, please avoid photos that look like mugshots, creepy webcam photos in your parents' basement, and random shirtless photos. Even if you look really hot, you look conceited when you pose without your shirt. If you really want to show off how awesome your abs look, at least go to the beach and take the photo. You will look like a happy, fun guy at the beach instead of a conceited loser at home.
When posting online dating pics, all of the following photos are acceptable:
- A nice head shot
- A photo of you SMILING
- A picture of you with your dog or cat (women are suckers for that)
- A photo of you having fun with friends or family
I do not recommend posting a photo of you with your children. Make sure to mention your children in your profile, but posting photos of them on a site is not the best idea. I want to date you, not your kids. Furthermore, it is probably not the safest idea for your children.
While we are on the subject of bad photo ideas, don't post photos of you with your ex. That photo says to me you don't know how to move on. Even if that is the case, the world doesn't need to know it.
When you are creating your online profile, think of it almost as a resume or application. When applying for a new job you want to cast yourself in the best light possible. The same goes for online dating. You should always be honest, but also present yourself in a fun and interesting way.
If at all possible, your profile. I can't believe how many typos I read on some profiles. Naturally, some people are bad spellers. That cannot be helped. But at least try proofreading your profile. When your profile is full of errors and typos, I think one of two things: A) you are a total idiot (I won't date you) or B) you put no effort into your profile at all (I still probably won't date you). proofread
If you are looking for a relationship, you probably want to tone down all of the sex talk on your profile if you have too much of it. If you are looking for a one night stand, you probably want to amp up your sex talk since other details won't matter as much. Remember that people are going to really read your profile. Make sure to come across as accurately as possible.
Make sure to be honest about important aspects of your life, like your children. No woman wants to begin dating a man only to find out 1 month down the road that he has 5 kids in another state and keeps them during the summer. Be honest about your kids! Be honest if you are divorced or are going through a divorce. Be honest if you are a drinker or a smoker. Eventually we will figure all of that out, so the sooner it comes out the better.
The Polite First Email
When you first approach a lady online, you need to approach with a nice normal email message. A good message is one that focuses on why you would like to date her based on her profile. You can compliment her on her looks, but don't go overboard. First of all, no one wants to date a guy that sounds desperate and pathetic. Second, it would be nice to know if you took the time to read the profile at all.
If you don't tell me anything you like about what I wrote in the profile, I know you did not bother to read it. Also, if you tell me something that is exactly opposite of what I put in the profile, that shows you don't really care. For instance, if a girl mentions she is a vegan, yet the guy recommends taking her to , it seems like he did not read the profile at all. Sure, maybe a vegan can still go there, but that is probably not a top choice. Outback Steakhouse
Make sure you are not aggressive in the first email! I cannot stress this enough. I have deleted or blocked more than a few guys for being too aggressive. Examples of being too aggressive in the first email:
- You give your phone number in the first email before she even responds.
- You wait one day and send another email.
- You wait one day and send another email demanding to know why she did not call.
- You have already made detailed plans for the first date, yet she has not even agreed to go with you yet.
- You start talking about all the perverse things you will do to her.
- You discuss how well she will mesh with you and your family already.
- You insist on picking her up to take her somewhere for the first date instead of meeting somewhere public.
- You mention you've "seen her around" and list some of the stores or restaurants where you believe you have actually seen her.
I am not kidding when I say I have honestly seen every single one of these mistakes at least once while using online dating sites. Guys, many of you are being too aggressive. Not only does it come off as needy or desperate, in many cases it comes off as downright scary. Stop doing these things now!
The Big Date is Finally Here!
After weeks of talking online and maybe some phone calls, the big day has finally arrived to go out on the date. Make sure to meet somewhere out in public so neither of you will be too nervous or feel unsafe. Just remember guys, there are some crazy chicks out there, so meeting in public is not just a safety precaution for her.
Some good public places to meet are coffee houses, cafes, or a restaurant. I've heard of people meeting up at bars, but that is probably not the best idea for the first date. Sure, it can take the edge off, but unless the two of you have already agreed this date is all about hooking up, the bar is probably not the best spot. When all else fails, I have actually met dates at the mall. Considering there are always restaurants at the mall, it is not as bad as one might think. It is also very public.
Another pointer, don't ask if you can bring your child along on the first date. Yes, this has happened to me, too. A child has no place on a first date. If you can't get a sitter for your child, you probably are not ready to date. Ask someone... anyone... to babysit your kid. Your child does not need to get attached to a new person yet. All of that should happen much later down the road.
Finally, have fun on the date. Even if you don't think you clicked on the first date, but you had fun, it is always worth giving it another try on a second date. If it doesn't work out, that is OK. There are other single women out there waiting for you. Online dating can be fun and exciting. Also, I know at least 4 couples that met online that are now happily married. So give it a try, but be safe and smart about it.
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