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Online Dating: How To Find The Love Of Your Life

Updated on March 18, 2011

How To Come Out On Top With Online Dating

Online dating is big business and there are myriad online dating services looking to sign you up for a long term customer. They are all similar in that you can post pictures of yourself and write a personal profile based on who you are and what you're looking for. I'm not going to single out any one over the other although I did meet my wife through What I do want to share is how to get the biggest bang for the buck once you join a dating service, and how to find what you’re looking for.

First, let me say this...if you want to meet a plethora of people from the opposite sex (or the same sex depending on your sexual orientation), then you need to get involved in online dating. There are so many people that are looking for the same things you are it will blow your mind.

You will have the opportunity to meet and get to know more people than you'll have time for. You can't do that in any other venue. Period! Sure, you can meet someone in a bar, but how many nights a weeks are you going to a bar? Online dating is the ultimate "meet market" because you can do it anytime during the day or night in the comfort of your own home without any distractions.

Pay Month to Month

If you're looking for someone special don't sign up for anything other than month to month. The reason being, it only takes one special person to take you out of the online dating market. If you put a little time and effort into your search, you could find that person quicker than you think. If you just want to meet a bunch of people and date for a long period of time, then signing up for a longer term will be more cost effective; it really depends what you're looking for. I wasn’t looking to date indefinitely, I was just looking for that one special lady and here’s what I found to be the best, most effective way.

Plan on Spending some time on the site

If you go out to a bar and meet someone, how much time does that whole process usually take? You could be out for several hours and maybe you meet someone, maybe you don’t. But if you did, it’s usually a 2-3 hours quest. You can easily spend a couple hours a day on the site if you want to, and you should in order to make it worth your while. If you’re looking for that one special person, then you need to be proactive not reactive; this relates more to the ladies than the guys. As in any social setting, the guys are the more aggressive of the two sexes. But ladies this is your time to instigate at little (I say a lot, but I know that’s not realistic for many of you).

Your Profile: What To Do and What Not To Do

When it comes time to constructing your profile, the best piece of advice I can give is this…Be unique. Don’t be like everyone else. When I would read a woman’s profile, there was a time when they all started sounding the same. It was almost like they all took the same class on writing profiles. They all like talking long walks on the beach. They all love the mountains. They all like romance. They all love animals etc. I swear, I thought I was reading the same profile over and over again. You want to separate yourself from the pack. It’s time to showcase your personality, and show your uniqueness. Don’t be afraid to be a little bold, if that’s the way you are. Below is the profile I used on As you can see, it’s quite unique. 

My Profile

The Following Profile Is Rated "R" (Radical), And Is Not Suitable For All Audiences. Read It At Your Own Risk.

With all the smoke and mirrors that goes on with online dating, I decided to use my philosophy of under promising and over delivering.


I shall be telling this with a sigh. Somewhere ages and ages hence:Two roads diverge in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

With the words of Robert Frost, here's my rendition about a profile that’s taken “The Road Less Traveled.” So with my philosophy of “under promising and over delivering” read it and weep ladies!

Okay, a little about me and why you won’t want a thing to do with me! First of all, the pictures that you see of me on this site…well let's just say they've been touched up a little.

Okay, they've been touched up a lot. It's amazing how well that Photoshop program works. In fact…

…I’m actually 5’4” and 300lbs with looks that could stop every clock in town! I smoke 5 packs of cigarettes a day, drink a 12 pack of beer a night and “smoke” crack on the weekends. Oh, and I shoot heroin on special occasions!

I’ve got tattoos all over my big fat disgusting body and piercings in my nose, eye brows, ears, tongue, lips, nipples, and that little thing between my legs! Oh, and little is probably an understatement. Miniature is probably a better description!

But here the best part ladies…I’ve got this high pitched squeaky voice that sounds like someone taking their finger nails and running them down a chalk board!

When I’m not smoking, I’m chewing tobacco and I spit into whatever is available at the time. I fart every 15 minutes like clockwork and take a shower once a month whether I need it or not!
My clothes are all hand me downs from Good Will and of course they only get washed once a month when I take my monthly shower.

I don’t work and I live on the street so when I get my welfare check maybe we can go Dutch!
Have I lost ya yet? Oh, there you are. If you’re still reading, you must be as disgusting as me and we’re probably a good match. That being the case this is how you’d be rewarded if you were my girl:

First and foremost, I’d be the most honest and dependable person you’ve ever met.

I would communicate with you on a level that is above and beyond the “norm.”

I would listen to you in a way that will capture your heart, your mind and you’re soul.

I would lift you up when you‘re down and let you know that I’m here to serve you in any way possible.

I would always be looking for ways to strengthen our relationship.

I would always be looking for ways to improve myself and lean and apply the lessons in our relationship.

And I would always be looking for ways to keep a smile on your face and peace in your heart.

Now with all that being said, if you’re still reading of course, here’s what I’m looking for…

I’m looking for a woman that is comfortable in her own skin. Someone who is confident yet humble. A lady with a warm heart and a tender touch.

Someone that would love to be spoiled with love, devotion and a total commitment to our relationship. Someone with an attitude of gratitude and is able to find the good in bad situations.

But here’s the challenge ladies…I’m also looking for someone tall because you know short fat disgusting men love tall women.

I am also am looking for a lady that takes care of herself with her mind, her body and her soul.
I mean come on ladies, I’m a guy, and I want it all don’t you?

So if you’ve made it this far congratulations! Take the next step and flip me off why don’t-cha-ya!


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