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Having An Open Relationship

Updated on October 12, 2009

Even floating head stick men are doing it...

Having an open relationship sounds like a dream. You have love, and intimacy, and multiple sexual partners. Who wouldn't want this sort of arrangement? Well, a lot of people do, and a lot of people don't. Some even go so far as to say that such thinking is the work of the Devil. They're wrong.

The Devil feels no need to get involved in this sort of arrangement, because the Devil likes a challenge. He likes to tempt the son of God in the desert, or try to get the pope to touch himself. Trying to get horny people to mess their lives up is really very small time business.

The sad fact is that there is really only one thing that stops the multiple partner dream from coming true, and that one thing is this fact: people kind of suck.

The human beast is a jealous beast. People these days are generally engaged, at least ostensibly, in two person relationships. Outwardly the reasons for this are things like “a special love connection”, and “wanting to be with 'the one”, but there are a variety of other reasons that factor into this set up.

When there are only two people in a relationship, each is getting the same amount of sex and loving as the other person. If Bob and Sue only sleep with each other, then there is no jealousy. Introduce Dick and Jane to the mix, and all of a sudden, Jane is getting more time with Bob, and Dick doesn't pay enough attention to Sue, and Sue suspects that Bob might be trying to move in on Dick as well.

Things quickly grow in complexity and messiness, Sue keys Jane's car, Jane puts glue in Sue's shampoo, Bob and Dick argue over which of their partners is causing the problem and have a fist fight in the middle of the mall. Dick is arrested because he is much larger than Bob, and of a different and less favored ethnic background.

This enrages both Jane, and makes Sue smug as hell. Bob doesn't want to lose Jane's sexual favors, so he bails Dick out. Dick's court hearing is in one week's time. Bob enjoyed having two women though, so he secretly plants drugs in Dick's briefcase and calls the cops on him. Dick is now back in jail and has been denied bail. Sue, who was happy, is now jealous of Jane again as Jane turns to comfort from Bob, who empathizes with her, saying that he didn't think that Dick was that kind of fellow either, and Sue starts a rumor at Jane's place of work saying that Jane and Dick are both Mexican drug runners.

The Mexican drug runners get wind of this and show up at Jane, Sue and Bob's place, looking for their cut. Jane tries to deny that she and Dick have been running drugs over the border, but the Mexican drug runners don't believe her and enlist both Jane and Bob to work in their organization, driving illegal immigrants across the border. Sue avoids this fate because she was upstairs dipping Jane's clothes in paint. She thinks she's gotten away with it all until multiple tapes of her, Bob and Dick appear on amateur porn sites on line, destroying her reputation, and costing her her job at the Catholic preschool she worked at for ten years.

The moral of the story is that having an open relationship will result in jail time, drug charges, gang affiliations, and probably some involvement in the amateur porn industry.

Too much love is bad, mkay?

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    • Hope Alexander profile imageAUTHOR

      Hope Alexander 

      7 years ago

      I agree. I am silly. Ridiculously so.

    • profile image

      Allie 

      7 years ago

      Haha you are silly! :)

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