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Opening Up A Relationship To Other Couples, Should You Do It?

Updated on February 22, 2010
What could possibly go wrong?
What could possibly go wrong?

Everyone thinks about an open relationship at some point in their lives. Apart from people who have never heard of the concept, who mostly think about cookies. To many, an open relationship sounds both tempting and sort of revolting at the same time. Some people decide that instead of opening up their relationship per se, they'll invite another couple into their intimate times. To that idea I have to say: Danger! Danger Will Robinson!

Why? Because other people aren't toys you can take out, play with and put away. They're real people, with feelings, and real people with feelings make real life demands. This makes logical sense, it may even seem like it goes without saying, but for some reason, it's not something people think about when they think about opening the door of monogamy to peek outside.

When you're in the 'oh, wouldn't that be fun' stage of planning things, openness, or just fun with other couples sounds like a good idea. It sounds like something fun. You'll make new friends and meet new people. What you don't realize at this stage is that you will, quite literally, be starting new relationships with other humans who will have needs. If you're a guy and you think your girlfriend is demanding, imagine what it will be like when there is more than one woman coming to you for her emotional needs. The same caveat applies for women, of course.

If you start looking around for other couples who enjoy open relationships, or varying degrees of openness in their relationship, you'll notice that many of them don't really spend a lot of time getting to know people before inviting them over. At first, this will seem odd, perhaps even a little socially backwards, but it's done for a reason. If you make friends, you end up in a strange zone where you end up being friends with people who have seen you in intimate scenarios. Whether you intend it or not, you end up in a secondary relationship of some kind.

Then there are the issues that opening up a relationship can bring up within the existing relationship. Jealousy and insecurity are never too far afield in the world of polyamory, and though those who value the joy of many partners over the (some might say, false,) security of monogamy, find ways of dealing with these emotions, they can tear apart relationships that are not quite ready for them.

TL,DR: It's not as easy as you might think.


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    • entertianmentplus profile image

      entertianmentplus 8 years ago from United States

      I agree sounds like big trouble to me.